“You’re a cop, you think they’re going to give you anything?” He raises his voice as he continues to lay into me, “They’re not like me, Tonya. They aren’t going to treat you like I do.”
“So they aren’t going to fuck me and then toss me aside?” I’m so fucking bitter I can’t help but spit it out. I don’t feel any anger toward him, but apparently some part of me does.
“Is that what you want from them?” he asks.
“Fuck off, Thomas.” I start to close the door. I don’t have the energy for this. If he’s not going to help me, fine. If he doesn’t want to fuck me anymore, that’s fine, too.
Thomas stops the door and pushes it open so he can lean in. “What the fuck? You trying to piss me off, Officer Kelly?” I don’t like the way he’s saying my name. Like he’s asking if he’s talking to me or someone else, someone who he doesn’t trust. I’ve never been anything but honest with him.
“What do you want?” I ask with irritation coloring my voice, but I’m not irritated. I’m hurt. I want him to say, “You.” I want him to come in and take me. I want him to make everything better. And that realization makes me feel weak. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.
“I wanna come in and talk.”
“Now you wanna talk?” I shake my head and try to push down the bit of hope growing in my chest. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be hoping. This can’t happen.
“You gonna let me in?” he asks, like I might actually say yes.
“No.” I shake my head and open my eyes, making sure to only look at his face. The thought of him coming in here only makes me want to test whether or not he can make my bed creak and groan like he did his. This is bad. Real fucking bad.
“Why the fuck not?” He sounds all pissed off.
“‘Cause I don’t have to, that’s why.” I'm flippant as I say it.
“Don’t push me, baby.” He narrows his eyes at me as he says it.
“I’m not your baby. I’m not your anything.” I at least have a little pride knowing that those words came out strong.
“With a mouth like that, right now you’re my bad girl. That’s all you are.” My pussy clenches at his words. I can’t help that it turns me on. But I have to remember that this can’t happen. This is wrong.
“Bad things will happen if you come in here.” I tell him the truth and regret it when his eyes heat with lust and his lips pull into a smirk.
“You want me that much? You really can’t control yourself?” he asks with a cocky grin.
It pisses me off. And I hold on to that anger so I can push him away like I know I should.
“Fuck you!” I grab the edge of the door and try to slam it shut, but his boot hits the door, blocking it.
For the first time ever in his presence, I feel scared. I don’t know why, but a sense of danger takes ahold of every part of me, and I race to get to my gun. I grip it with both hands and point it at him as he takes a step inside.
His eyes go wide when he sees the gun pointed at him. He raises both of his hands, “Whoa, baby, what are you doing? Put the gun down.”
My hands tremble slightly, and I feel so fucking insecure. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t trust anything that I’m feeling. My hand starts shaking. It’s never done that. I’ve always had control. But I’ve never been in this situation before, either. I don’t even know why I grabbed it.
“Hey, it’s alright.” He keeps his hands raised. “You really want me to go? I’ll go.”
I don’t know what I want. I slowly aim the gun down and keep my head down. I’ve fucked this up so fucking bad.
“I know I push you. I didn’t mean to threaten you though.” I watch in my periphery as he walks toward me like one would a wounded animal. And that’s exactly how I feel. I’m so fucked up. So worn out and torn.
“I’d never hurt you, Tonya.” I shouldn't believe him, but I do. He reaches out slowly and grabs my gun. I think about resisting, but I don't want to. He gently places it on the end table and looks at me like he doesn't know what to do with me.
He takes his gun out, making sure to point it away from me and quickly sets it on the end table next to mine.
He cups my chin in my hand. “I’m sorry I pushed you like that. I really thought you were just pushing me back.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say weakly, and look up at him through my thick lashes.
A soft chuckle rumbles through his chest. “I don’t either, baby.” He lowers his lips to mine. He whispers with his full lips barely touching my own, “I won’t hurt you. And I won’t let anyone else hurt you, either.”
I open my eyes and see sincerity in his dark stare.
“You gotta stay away, though.” My gaze drops to the floor. I try to push him away, but it’s a weak and useless effort.
“Not from me.” His words pull me back from the defeated place I’d sunk to. “I want you. But they can’t know. No one can know, and you need to stay away from them.”
His chest rises and falls, and his breathing is the only thing I can hear other than my own heart thumping in my chest.
This is dangerous. It’s forbidden. But I want it. I want him.
“Tell me you want me, baby.” His voice is confident, but I can tell he needs the reassurance. He needs me to tell him I want him, too. And I do. I desperately want him.
“I want you.” Before the last word leaves my lips, his hands grip my hips and he pulls me under him as he falls onto the sofa.
His fingers tickle my skin as they travel under my shirt, slowly lifting it up past my breasts.
“I'll make you feel better, baby.”
“Yes,” I whisper. Please. I need to feel better.
“You’re just too tempting. I fucking need you under me.” He stares at my breasts as he pulls the cup of my bra down and pinches my hardened nubs. It sends a direct shot of need to my clit.
A soft smile plays at his lips, but he looks into my eyes with concern.
“You really thought I’d hurt you?” He pulls my shirt over my head, taking the bra with it and lifts me into his lap. His arms wrap around my waist as he leans back against the sofa.
I feel ashamed, so I try to look away, but he cups my face and turns my head so I have to look at him. “Don’t do that.”
“I'm sorry,” I say barely above a murmur. I am. I'm so damn sorry.
He smirks a bit and says playfully, “I had it coming, messing with a bad girl like you.”
He takes my lips with his, and I feel every emotion crash down around me. The only one left standing is lust. I moan into his parted lips and let his hands roam my body. I need him to take me away. I need to feel something else.
He tosses me backward and climbs between my legs, ripping off everything in his way. I want to close my legs, but I don't. The look of hunger in his eyes keeps my legs spread wide for him. He licks his lips and gently runs a finger down my hip bone and over my clit. My body shudders under his touch, and his lips twitch into a satisfied smile as he lowers his lips to my pussy.
His deft fingers pump in and out of me while he sucks my clit. My eyes roll back in my head as my back bows and I struggle with my composure. It’s so intense. Too intense. My body begs me to move away, not knowing if I’ll be able to stand the power of the orgasm he’s forcing out of me. My fingers dig into the couch and scratch along his back.