“Yeah, she’s been asking about you. She wants to meet you.” He speaks his words softly, like he's waiting for something.
“Why does that name sound familiar?”
“Ivanov.” He says her last name and everything clicks into place. I turn in his arms to face him with wide eyes. She’s supposedly dead.
I part my lips, but I don’t ask. I know not to ask questions.
He gives me a small smile and says softly, “A bad man hurt her once, but she made him pay. She's a strong woman, like you. I think you two are going to get along great.”
Tears prick at my eyes, and I hold onto him with everything in me. He kisses my hair, while I try to calm down.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but he’s long gone, Tonya. He’ll never hurt anyone else.”
I cry in his arms. I haven't cried in weeks, but the need to purge all my sadness has me leaning against him in tears. He rubs my back while I cry for all of them. For my sister, for Ava’s sister. For Ava and the other survivors. I cry for them all. A calmness washes through me as I settle with exhaustion into his embrace. A feeling like a rebirth. Like I’ll finally have a fresh start. Maybe now I can finally get the catharsis I've been striving for all this time.
My blurry eyes catch a glimpse of the picture frame I put on Tommy’s nightstand. It’s the same picture that’s in my locket. My hand reaches up and I grab onto it. We were just young girls in middle school and high school, but it’s my favorite picture of us. I can’t wait until we move and make a new place of our own. We need a fresh start. And moving is the way to make that happen.
I look up at Tommy with wonder, but also a sense of insecurity. I haven’t forgotten what Jerry said, and if I’m honest with myself, I’m worried about Tommy and about him staying in the familia.
“Spit it out, baby.” His hand settles on the nape of my neck, and his thumb brushes along my jaw. It soothes me. Everything about him soothes me.
“I don’t know if I can live with you doing this, Tommy. I don’t--” I just want to list all the reasons this is so wrong. But his lips silence mine in a sweet kiss.
I moan into his mouth, just loving his touch. He pulls back, and looks at me with sincerity.
“I told you, I'm not working for the familia anymore.” I know what he said, but he's too fucking happy for that to really be the case.
“Forget about right and wrong for just a moment. Just listen to your heart, baby. What does it want? Us being together may be fucked up and wrong. But it’s what I want.”
I struggle to respond. He’s right. I do want him. He’s the only thing I want.
“Just give me a chance to love you.” His hand brushes along my belly, where our baby's growing.
It may be wrong, but I want him. I love him.
He must see that I’ve decided. He smirks and says in a playful tone, “You know you’re my bad girl.”
I shake my head and let a small laugh escape me. Tommy takes my chin in his hand and kisses me. My lips mold to his and I give in.
I love him, and that’s all that matters.
“I love you, Tommy,” I whisper as he pulls away from me.
“I love you, too.”
Epilogue
Tommy
I'm so fucking nervous. I don’t remember the last time my heart beat so damn hard in my chest. I shake out my hands again and start pacing.
“I’m telling you, she’s gonna say no.” I turn on my heels to face Anthony. The fucker’s grinning from ear to ear.
“You fucking love this, don’t you?” I ask him.
He smirks back at me and says, “You know I do. You get all stressed out about shit you shouldn’t be worried about.” He takes a sip of his drink and then adds, “Besides, you’ll have plenty of stress when the next list comes in.”
He’s right. I’m not as calm as Anthony is yet. I’m doing hits with him now. I’m cut off from familia business, and taking the contract hits instead. Anthony’s been showing me the ropes. And I have to admit I’m enjoying it, but I’ve got a ton of shit to learn.
I should probably be worried that I’m not really seen as a member of the familia by outsiders, but I’m not. Vince told me not to be. He’s my cousin, my blood, and he’s grown to love Tonya. All the family has.
He said things need to blow over, time to settle down. And I’m fine with that. I’d be lying if I said I was unhappy taking these hits with Anthony. It’s a nice change of pace, and less risk than what I’m used to. I don’t really give a shit what I do, so long as I have my family and my girl.
She’s accepted, especially with the women. They’ve been pampering the hell out of her since she’s pregnant with our little boy. She’s having a difficult time now that she’s so far along. But he's going to be here soon. We can't fucking wait.
“You're thinking about him, aren’t you?” Anthony asks. Then he teases, “He’s gonna ruin your sex life.”
I shake my head and grin at him. He's got a shit-eating grin on his face. “You said her pregnancy was gonna ruin our sex life, and look how good that turned out.” I can hardly keep up with her. My bad girl still wants me. All fucking day if she can. “You’re so damn negative, you know that?” I tell him, as I peek out of the back doors and into the restaurant.
“Yeah, I’m a little jealous, I gotta admit that.”
I look at my brother with surprise. “Of me?” He’s never been jealous of me my whole life.
He scrunches his forehead as he replies, “Don’t look at me like that. I can be jealous if I want.”
“If you wanna girl, go get one. You wanna baby, go make one.”
He huffs a laugh and downs his drink. “It’s not quite that simple, Tommy.”
I start to tell him, “Yeah, it is that simple,” but think back and realize that no, it's not. Not for the right one. Then I hear my girl. She’s laughing, and I’d recognize that beautiful sound anywhere. I open the door a crack and look out.
She’s in black leggings and a hot pink sweater that hugs her swollen belly. She went out for ladies’ night and looks so damn happy. Ava’s hanging on her arm. The two of them are close now. Thick as thieves. I’ve gotten to know more about Kane than I ever wanted.
“Showtime.” Anthony smacks my shoulder and gets ready to open the door.
“Not yet.” I say quickly, shutting it and taking a deep breath.
“Bro, knock it off. It’s in the bag.” I look back at him and try to calm my nerves. “For real, Tommy. She loves you.” He pats my back and adds, “She’s gonna make a good wife.”
I nod my head. She is. She’s gonna be my wife. And I’m going to give her our happily ever after that she deserves.
Anthony smiles at me. “That’s the Tommy I know. Go get yourself a wife.” He opens the door and I take a few steps out into the restaurant.
She's facing away from me in her seat. They sat her like that on purpose. Ava sees me first, and lights up. She grabs a drink menu and tries to distract Tonya. The ladies look up at me one by one, and try to not make it obvious.