I sit outside in the rain, letting it soak through my clothes, just thinking about how I should have let her go right from the start. I should have let her go free. I thought I made her happy though. I thought she wanted the same things I wanted. But I was wrong.
I hear a car swerve in the distance and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I run inside for the keys to my pickup truck and haul ass as fast as I can. It can’t be her. I pray she’s okay. It takes too fucking long to get there. I’ll save her. She needs me. I’ll protect her. I slow the car as I see skid marks, but there’s nothing there. It looks like a car crashed, but then drove off.
I stay at the scene for a long time, thinking it wasn’t her. It wasn’t my kitten.
She’s left me and now she’s safe. She’s better off without me. I wish I had a way to track her to know for sure. Again, another reason she needs to run from me.
The pain won’t go away.
I can’t get rid of this hurt in my chest. I just know something’s wrong.
I close my eyes and shake my head. It’s all in my head. I’m only hurting because she left me. I’m looking for reasons to search her out. It’s my own sickness.
I need to let her go. I settle on that truth as I drive back home. But I can’t sleep. When the sun filters through the curtains and my phone pings a few hours later, I reach for it like it was meant to go off.
I expect it to be my kitten. I don’t know how, but I do. All night I’ve waited up, hoping she’d come back to me.
I stare at the phone and I fucking hate myself. I click it off and move as quick as I can.
Cassys want a meet.
I know why. And I’m ready to end this. They’re all fucking dead.
Anthony
I can’t stop pacing. It’s not a fucking coincidence that the night she left we got a call for this meetup. We’re supposed to meet at the garage in an hour. It’s not right. Something’s horribly wrong. She’s not okay. I can feel it. My girl’s not okay.
“Vince, it can’t just be us two,” I say. I know this is a setup. It’s not just going to be Marcus there wanting to clarify the situation. There’s more to this, and I know it deep down in my gut. He texted Vince to come meet with him, and later asked to bring me along. But I know this is a trap. I fucking know it.
“We can’t trust them,” I tell him again.
“What the fuck, Anthony?” Tommy asks me for the fourth fucking time.
I just shake my head. “It’s not good. It’s not going to be good.”
Vince has been watching me like a fucking hawk. I haven’t told him yet.
We’re all here and I haven’t said shit, but I can’t shake this feeling. I need to tell them.
“Let me go in first,” I finally speak up and look back at Vince.
He doesn’t answer.
“You’re freaking me out, Anthony,” Tommy says, grabbing my arm.
“You couldn’t fucking listen!” Vince yells out, and it gets the attention of everyone. The air is thick with tension.
“You know I wasn’t going to.” I can’t reach his eyes. I know I fucked up, but I need him right now. I can’t let them hurt her. Not her. She didn’t do anything wrong. She can’t pay for my sins.
“What the fuck is going on?” Tommy asks with a pain that breaks through his words. He’s worried. He’s worried for me and it’s all my fault.
“They have her; I know it.” I say just above a whisper.
“Catherine?” Tommy asks, confused. It breaks my heart to know I’ve betrayed him. I betrayed all of them.
“Why? Why would they do that?” Tommy asks.
“War. It’s the start of war.” I answer him with pain in my chest.
“What’d you do?” Tommy demands to know as he shakes my shoulders, and I have to look him in the eyes, but I still can’t tell him.
“Catherine’s a rat. She’s supposed to be dead.” Vince answers over my shoulder and Tommy’s grip loosens until his arms fall to his side. He looks at me like it can’t be true. But it is.
“She had no choice.” I try to defend her. They have to believe her; they have to believe me. She needs me. She’s mine.
“This is over Catherine?” Tommy asks with doubt.
“She’s mine,” I say with finality. A look of hurt flashes in my brother’s eyes. He doesn’t understand. They’ll never understand.
“You fucking bought her as a slave--” I understand Vince’s anger, but I don’t need it right now. I need him on my side. I need my familia to help me get her back. I need her. I need her right fucking now.
“I don’t care if you don’t understand. None of you ever understand me. That doesn’t make me any less family. If I say she’s mine, then she’s fucking mine,” I growl out.
“If she’s yours, then how did they get her?” Vince steps up to me like he knows. Like he already knows that she left me. But that makes no difference to me. I let her go because I love her, and I’ll save her because I love her. Even if she doesn’t love me back.
“She left me.”
Tommy grips his hair like he can’t believe this shit. I hear the men walking around us, waiting on their orders, even though they already made up their minds. No one fucks with us. They mess with one of us, they fuck with all of us. The only thing that would hold them back is if Vince told them not to.
“You didn’t let her go?” Vince asks with disbelief.
“I watched her leave me. She needed to.” I swallow the lump in my throat as I add, “But I know they have her. I know they found her.” He looks at me with doubt and then nods slightly.
Vince looks past me and addresses the familia. “It doesn’t matter what started it. Get your guns ready, boys, and call for the rest of ‘em.” I nod my head. Thank fuck. Thank fuck I have a real chance to save her, if they didn’t already kill her.
“Anthony,” Vince says to get my attention. I look up at him. “We’re going in first.” I put my hand on his shoulder before he has a chance to move away. I lean in and give him a quick hug. He's shocked, and it takes him a moment, but he pats me on the back in return.
I don’t let him go. “I have to save her, Vince.” I pull back to look him in the eyes. “She can’t die. I can’t let her die.” His brow furrows with confusion and I know I’m not getting through to him. He doesn’t have to understand. He just has to give me his word.
“Don’t be stupid--” he starts to answer me, but I cut him off.
“If it’s between the two of us, save her. I can’t let her die,” I say.
That’s the moment his look changes.
He gives me a small nod, and only then do I release him.
There she is. Just like I fucking knew she’d be. Fuck! She couldn’t run fast enough, could she? It’s my fault. She’s on her knees with that fucker's hand gripping her shoulder, pushing her down. She looks up at me with the saddest expression and cries out, “I’m so sorry.” The man behind her whips his hand across her face and she lands on her side. My hands fist at my side and my blood boils.