“I just want to leave. I’m not going to say anything about anything.” I try to cross my legs on the bed, but fuck, I hurt so bad. I’m so sore. I wince slightly and a look of pain is reflected in Vince’s eyes.
“You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart. I need to figure this shit out.”
“You’re just making it worse!” I yell at him.
“You don’t understand.” His cool response makes me angry.
“Explain it to me then!”
He grips my mouth with one hand and grabs the nape of my neck with the other. He lowers his head and kisses me hard on the lips. “Sweetheart, I swear to God, you really need to shut your mouth and trust me.”
I want to. I want to trust him, but I can’t.
“I need to tie you up.” No. I don’t want that. I shake my head, no.
“Why?” I ask in a hoarse whisper.
He stares at me like I’m an idiot. “You just tried to kill me.”
“You just fucked me,” I spit back.
“It was a lapse in judgment.” That fucking hurt. That’s a damn blow to my ego. Shame replaces any possible positive feeling I have.
He must see the hurt on my face. “Not like that. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I can’t look at him. He tries to touch me and I push him away.
It was a mistake. All of this is such a mistake. I’m a mistake. I’ve heard it all my life, but I never thought it was true until now. I don’t want to die, but part of me wishes he would just kill me.
Vince
I don’t fucking want to be here. I shouldn’t be here. Instead, I should be making sure that she’s staying put. But I tied her up so tight, there’s no way she’s getting out.
She was a virgin. She lost her virginity to me like that. No wonder she was so fucking sore. I tilt my head back and slam down another shot. So fucking tight. So fucking good.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Billy lines up another shot for me. His eyes are full of pity. I’m sure everyone knows. Everyone’s avoiding me. I’m guessing they think I killed her. The occasional pats on the back and squeezes of my shoulder as they walk by tell me that’s what they’re thinking.
They feel sorry for me that I’m so fucked up over having to kill her. Or having killed her, depending on whether they think I went through with it already.
I take another shot. I’m so fucking drunk.
What was I thinking? Like I could just keep her, and that would solve the problem? She saw. They saw. She has to die. It’s as simple as that. But I don’t want that. And I always get what I want. It’s not fucking happening. I won’t let it happen.
“Did you take care of that issue?” Anthony asks looking at my mangled hand. Everyone keeps looking at it. I know what they’re thinking. And I fucking hate it.
“Which issue?” I ask sarcastically. I know he’s talking about Elle. But the fucking cartel is a pain in my ass, too.
I put the edge of another shot glass against my lips and shake my head before throwing it back. My body starts to tingle, and my teeth seem to go numb. Good. I want to be fucking wasted. My phone stopped going off in my pocket a little while ago. I take it that means someone told Pops that I’m here. I wonder what he thinks. Specifically, what he thinks of her. Not to mention what he thinks of me and my fucked up decisions.
“It’s not like she’s yours, Vince. It fucking sucks.” Anthony puts a hand on his chest. “She was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I fucking hurt for her, I do.” I can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t like it, that he does have remorse. “But this is the entire family we’re talking about.” I nod my head solemnly. “If she talks, we’re fucked.” He takes a drink of his beer. “She’s not one of us. She’s not a comare. They’ll make her talk. You know how they harass anyone who comes in here. If they saw her, they’ll make her talk.”
I take another swig and almost choke as the perfect solution hits me. I need to knock her up. I need to marry my sweetheart. They won’t touch her if she’s mine. No one will touch her if she’s mine. And if I get my way, she’s going to be mine. And the police can’t make her testify against me if she’s my wife. No one will be able to threaten her.
She. Is. Mine. I repress the need to scream it into everyone’s face. I want them all to know. She’s not going anywhere. I push away from the bar and slide off the stool. It wobbles, then tips over as my feet hit the ground. I walk forward and reach for my car keys in my pocket.
“Whoa, Vince. What the fuck, dude?” I hear Anthony pick up my stool, then come up behind me, grabbing at my elbow to make me stop.
“I gotta go,” I say simply. I do. I need to get back to Elle. He walks in front of me to stop me in my path.
“You’re trashed, man.” I shrug my shoulders.
“She needs me, Anthony.” I’m vaguely aware that the bar is quiet. I can feel their eyes on me. I know everyone in here. It’s all familia. And they’re all watching.
“Hey, calm down. Let’s talk this out, Vince,” he says. I shake my head and take a step closer to him.
“She’s mine,” I growl in his face. His hands come up in a gesture of surrender.
“Alright. I get that. No one’s taking her from you.”
“Damn right no one’s going to touch her!” I scream it as loud as I can. I feel like a fucking fool. It’s not smart to yell. It’s not wise to lose your cool. But I can’t fucking help it. I want everyone to know she’s mine. I run my fingers through my hair, then take a deep breath. “I’m gonna make her mine and no one’s going to hurt Elle.” I stare at him as I speak calmly, but everyone here knows I’m talking to them, too. From my periphery I can see my men nodding.
“No one’s going to touch her,” Anthony says, and I feel Tommy come up to my right side and lay a hand on my shoulder.
“You need a ride, boss?” he asks.
“Yeah, I need to get back to her, Tommy.” My words slur a bit and I pinch the bridge of my nose as we walk towards the doors.
“You know, I feel bad for your girl, Vince,” Anthony says from behind me loud enough for everyone to hear. I turn to face him. “She’s gonna have to deal with your whiskey dick tonight.”
I grin at him and laugh. After a split second, the rest of the bar joins in on the joke.
A calmness settles in my chest. For the first time since all this shit happened, I feel like it might be alright.
I may get to keep my sweetheart after all. I just need to knock her up first.
Vince
I don’t remember why I’m so fucking horny for her. But I am. It takes me at least four tries to get the key in the lock to the door. But I fucking did it and I feel like a champion for getting into the house. Rigs is barking and barreling down the stairs like a good boy. I bet he was laying outside her room. I feel like an asshole as I watch him squatting in the yard. I gotta get up there and make sure she’s still alright. I close the door after he gets his furry butt inside and we make our way up the stairs. I leave him out in the hall and ignore his little whine when I don’t let him in. I gotta get him a giant ass bone for dealing with this shit. I huff up a laugh as I walk, I’m fairly certain, straight to the bed. Right where I left my sweetheart all tied up.