My body locks and I squeeze her fingers around my shaft, the material causing friction to rub against the smooth flesh, and I come harder than I ever have before. I’m shuddering while holding onto her as if she were my lifeline. A buoy in the middle of an ocean of darkness, and she’s my only light. Guiding me to the shore. But I’m afraid — instead of her saving us both, I’ll drag us into the depths.
Guilt weighs heavily on me as I make coffee. It’s not even six in the morning, and I’m wide awake. Normally, I’d be out for a run, trying to forget the night before, but I didn’t want to leave Vera alone. When I went out to the store, I half expected her to have gotten away.
The clouds are gray and heavy as the light of dawn approaches. I sip my coffee on the porch, looking through the heavy tree trunks as I think about what I did last night. The moment I came, I slid out from where Vera was practically curled around me and left her alone.
I needed to clean up, but I also needed space from her. Having her so close, I lost control and did the one thing I never wanted to do to her. I used her as if she were nothing more than a toy. Perhaps she is, but I shouldn’t have done it.
I’m stronger than that.
At least, I thought I was.
My chest is tight with anxiety as I think about her waking and seeing her hand pleasuring me. I wanted so badly to offer her the same, but if I did, I would’ve woken her, and she would’ve been more afraid of me than she’s ever been.
“Logan!” Her screech is enough to have me nearly dropping my mug on the ground. But I hold fast and race inside. Pushing the door open, I find her on the bed, her body shaking and her eyes wide.
“What?” I rush to her side, needing to hold her once more. Even though I should stay far away from her, treat her as I would a stranger who’s just staying in my home for a short while, I can’t. “What’s wrong, Beauty?”
“I . . . I had a bad dream,” she mumbles into my shirt and tugs at the material, pulling me closer to her. “I thought . . . I didn’t . . . I was dying. I couldn’t breathe,” she tells me, and my chest tightens with concern I haven’t felt in a long while.
“What happened?” I ask her, lowering my voice to an almost-whisper as I take in her shaking form. Her tiny body curls into mine as she holds me. I wonder if she realizes what she’s doing. If this were any other day, she would be pushing me away, so this dream must’ve done a number on her.
“Your dad found me,” she finally chokes out through sobs that wrack her body. “I couldn’t get away.” Her whine does things to me that I should ignore, but I can’t stop glancing down at my sweatpants that have a clear bulge slowly appearing.
Fuck.
This girl is messing with my head more and more each day.
“You’re safe here,” I tell her, knowing he’s nowhere near this shithole town. That reminds me. I need to check in on her apartment. The security footage should bring back something. Surely.
If there’s one thing I know about Herbert Oakridge, it’s that he doesn’t fuck around. When he wants something, he doesn’t allow anything to stop him.
“Why would you take me? I was safe. I’d almost forgotten about you.” Her words slice right through to my very gut. My soul, the one that’s so black it’s pure fucking charcoal, aches at the thought of me hurting her just like my asshole of a father would.
“I needed you safe.”
“But you . . . you can’t keep me safe. I mean, why do you want me now?” Her question stills me because I don’t know how to answer her honestly.
Am I just obsessed with her?
Or is there something more between us?
15
Vera
He doesn’t say anything.
He doesn’t even move.
The muscles of his shoulders are tense, and I can feel how his hands stiffen around me. I shouldn’t have asked him, but I needed to know. If he’s keeping me here, if he’s so attracted to me, then there must be more between us. I can’t be imagining it.
“Logan?”
He moves off the bed and stares out the window, keeping his back to me. The shirt he’s wearing is taut against his muscles. I watch as his knuckles whiten with the fist he’s made. The tattoos that adorn his hands and forearms are pulsing.
“Logan, please don’t shut me out?” I sound so timid, so young that I’m unsure if the voice I hear is mine. He turns to me, and I take in the way the top five buttons of his shirt are undone. The ink that peeks through makes me curious as to what else is there. What’s hidden under the material.
I allow myself to take in all the tattoos that cover his body. The colorful artwork makes his tanned skin seem like a canvas—tempting and intriguing. Now that they’re clearly on show, I stare at them for a moment longer than I know is friendly. I’m checking him out, and I immediately admonish myself.
“I can’t do this with you,” he tells me. He rakes his fingers through his hair, tugging at the dark strands. He doesn’t have his glasses on, so I can see his eyes clearly. He’s still tense, but now when he glances up from under his long black lashes, I see it—fear.
“Why?” I challenge, scooting off the bed and making my way toward him. “Why can’t you just be honest with me?” I’m inches from him. The heat emanating off him comes in waves of cedar and oak. He smells like . . . safety.
“Don’t do this, Vera.” His words are strained, and the pained expression on Logan’s face only becomes more prominent. His brows furrow and his body visibly trembles the moment I place my palm on his shoulder.
Heat sears me from the contact between us, and I step one more inch closer, so my body is flush with his. Even though he’s not wearing shoes, I’m still almost half his size. The man is like a caveman, tall and broad. He looks down at me, dark eyes swirling with danger and agony.
“Logan, I can’t stay here if you’re not going to give me the truth.” My voice is low, but I’m so close he must feel my words whisper along his jaw.
“I’m . . . I did something last night.” The confession falls from his perfectly full lips. “I fucking lost all control with you so close to me, and I can’t stop myself anymore.” The gaze he pins me with burns me from the inside out. “It felt so good. I’ve never experienced pleasure like that before.”
“Then why is it bad?” I’m genuinely curious.
Logan chuckles, his shoulders shaking as he stares me down. “You need to be scared of me, Vera. I’m a fucking depraved asshole, and all I can think about is using you. About watching you sleep and toying with you like a limp fucking doll made for my pleasure.”
My mouth falls open, but it’s from the shock of how my body reacts to his words. I want to step even closer to him. I want to climb into his lap and tell him to do those things to me, but I don’t.
Instead, I shut my mouth and press my hand against his chest. Gently, I dance my fingers along his body, up to his shoulders. With my other hand, I do the same, until I’m holding onto him.
Without warning him, I leap into the air, and instinctively, he grabs my ass and holds me there. I feel powerful, knowing how much I affect him. All these years, I thought I wasn’t worthy of him when it was just our age difference that had pushed him away. I don’t blame him. I used to, but now that I know it was me but the fact that his father was sick enough to think Logan would want me when I was a child.