“Then one morning, when I was almost eight months pregnant, this little one decided to come early. I gave birth to him alone in the hospital, and I called him Connor after my dad. As I lay there recovering from my labor, the specialist carried out the first operation on him, and I had no idea if it would work or not. I didn’t know if I’d have a baby to hold at the end of it.
“I sank even lower and was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I got it into my head it was truly best for Mum, Liza and Naomi that I wasn’t part of their lives any longer. I had some moments of lucidity and was able to write a few letters here and there. But all I wanted to do was keep me and Connor safe in a protective bubble. It was such a relief when I found out Victor had been sent to prison, out of the way.
“All the hospital visits and Connor’s operations meant that time evaporated. I got good support, took medication and the mist began to clear, but it took months before I could allow myself to believe things might turn out okay for us.”
“Is Connor okay now?”
Yvette gave the smallest nod. “He’ll need regular checkups and possibly more surgery in the future. We have to take each day as it comes.
“One day, I felt a bit stronger and was drawn back to the bridge. I wanted to take a first small step out of the gloom and hang a padlock for Connor. My friend, the nurse, got it engraved for me and was the only person I trusted to look after the baby. I used to sing Auntie Jean’s song to him when he was in my tummy, and the words felt perfect. ‘My heart is always yours.’”
“That was the day we saw each other on the bridge...” Mitchell said. “Before you fell?”
Yvette nodded. “I was deep in thought, looking at my padlock when I noticed you.”
“We shared a smile,” Mitchell reminded her.
“It’s all such a blur. After I hung the padlock, I felt my earring fall out. It bounced and then disappeared. Liza bought them for my birthday and I love them.”
“Golden cacti?” Mitchell said.
“Yes. You know about them?”
“She told me.”
“I leaned over the railing and I could see it there on the ledge. I reached farther and farther over, and felt the blood rushing to my head. I was still weak from looking after Connor and I lost my balance and fell. I remember the icy water, and then you in the water beside me.”
When Mitchell looked back to that day on the bridge, he wasn’t sure why Yvette had caught his attention. Perhaps it was the sticky heat of the day, or because her curls reminded him of Anita’s, or maybe because a pretty woman had smiled at him after his years in the wilderness of grief. Perhaps he had recognized something within her, that she was a lost soul, too.
“The doctor who helped me on the bridge wanted me to go to hospital,” Yvette said. “But I didn’t want to go. I was desperate to get back to Connor, but I was in a state. So, I used the doctor’s phone to call Naomi rather than Liza, because she has children, too. She met me on the bridge and it was the first time I’d seen her in almost a year. I didn’t want to put her in a difficult position, but I swore her to secrecy, until I was ready to come home properly. But then she told me that Victor had been released from prison... And I wanted to hide away all over again.”
“Liza and I found a letter from Victor at your apartment,” Mitchell said.
Yvette’s face grew pale. “He found out my new mobile number and texted me. He wants to meet me tomorrow in the city.”
“How did he find it?”
“I don’t know...”
“You’re not going to see him?” Mitchell stated, astonished she could be considering this.
Yvette bit her lip. “I’m scared about what I did, reporting him, but he’s Connor’s father, Mitchell. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant but somehow, he found out. It’s best if I meet him, in public, and get this over with. I’m so tired and I just want to face up to my past so I can move on.”
“You’ll need someone with you,” Mitchell said. “You can’t meet him on your own.”
“Liza said she’d look after Connor for me. I don’t want to worry Mum. I’ve put Naomi through enough, asking her to lie for me...”
“You should tell a police officer.”
She shook her head. “He went to prison because of me, but Victor has never harmed me—I don’t think he’d do anything violent.”
“He was locked up because of something he did, not you.” Mitchell thought for a while. “I’ll come with you.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. You’ve done enough for me already.”
“I want to do it,” he insisted. He again thought of Anita and his sense of shame and loss. This time he could help. “I want to be there, for you and all of your family.”
She took a while to consider this and gave him a small nod. “Thank you.”
After leaving the conservatory, they headed back through the green wrought-iron entrance gates of the park. Yvette attempted to hold her umbrella over Mitchell’s head, but the spikes jabbed where his stitches had been.
“Ouch.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I told you I was clumsy.”
“You did. On the riverbank.” He remembered. “You knock over wineglasses.”
“And spike people in the head, it seems.”
They shared an awkward small laugh that made them both feel stronger. And the smiles on their faces remained as they walked along the path.
The rain pelting against Yvette’s umbrella sounded like a drumroll and Mitchell wondered what the hell they were both going to do when they encountered Victor.
26
BENCH
The following day, when Mitchell sat in Liza’s sitting room with the Bradfields, the air was thick with tension. He was glad Poppy was out of the way in her school club.
Sheila sat on the sofa, clasping her hands anxiously. Naomi flitted around, plumping cushions, fetching glasses of water and squeezing Yvette’s shoulder reassuringly. Liza pasted on a smile, though Mitchell could see the stiffness of her body and the strain in her eyes. Yvette sat rocking Connor on her lap, soothing and whispering to him.
They had all gathered here together before Mitchell would accompany Yvette to see Victor. She’d arranged to meet him in the middle of the Slab. Out of all the city bridges, Mitchell was glad it was this one. It was plain and wide, without any ornate railings or intricacies in its design. It meant Yvette would be in out in the open with lots of people around. Even so, his stomach was a tight knot, uncomfortable as he sat on the sofa beside Sheila.