“Says you.” Jacob all but rolled his eyes at him. But then, that was always part of Jacob’s appeal, the way he insisted on seeing the best in Linc, even at his worst.
“It’s not your fault, Linc.” Jacob’s voice was raw but firm as he put his arm around Linc. “You did everything you could. I believe that. Mom believes that. May believes that. Only one doubting you is you.”
“You weren’t out there.”
“Didn’t have to be. I know you. This isn’t on you. Ray and Garrick, they said it was an accident. That’s good enough for me. Jump gone bad. Made worse by the fire and wind conditions. None of that’s on you.”
“I was the one who cross-checked his rig. Like I’d done so many times...” His voice went weak as his eyes burned.
“I know. Sometimes things happen.” Jacob rested his head against Linc’s.
The warmth of his skin and his words seeped into Linc’s soul, burrowing beneath the layer of ice that had formed over his heart in the past seventy-two hours. “Wish I could believe you.”
And even now, he still wished he had Jacob’s faith in his own goodness. God, this was going to be a long damn summer, him so certain he was going to fail at the one thing that mattered now—keeping Jacob safe—and Jacob so darn sure that he could do no wrong.
“You’ll listen to us.” He got that Jacob had wanted this for years, that he was proud of his skills, that he’d earned the right to be here, but he still wasn’t convinced this wasn’t some big adrenaline rush for him. “That’s all that matters. Not any...history between us. What matters is if we can count on you, if we can be a decent team.”
“You can count on me.” Jacob nodded, meeting his eyes with a seriousness that Linc didn’t usually associate with him. “I mean it. And I’ll listen. This morning...you know me, right? Lectures and classrooms and me don’t always mix. But out there? I’ll pay attention. Count on it.”
“I get it. And trust me, I wasn’t much better in school.” Linc had to laugh because he knew Jacob’s ADHD had given him a tough row to hoe, but he hadn’t been much more popular with teachers himself, what with his dad’s parental shortcomings and his own distaste for reading and being cooped up indoors. “Trust us and we’ll trust you and the rest will work itself out.”
He tried to sound like he believed that, tried to find confidence that this would be anything other than an utter disaster as the group came back together after lunch.
“I get to go!” Garrick crowed as he sat back down with them. “Sims said I can demonstrate proper plane exiting procedure when not in a tandem. Woohoo!”
“What was that you were saying about no thrill seeking?” Addressing only Linc in a whisper, Jacob raised an eyebrow. “All serious business, right?”
He had to shift in his chair because Jacob had him there. “Never said you can’t take satisfaction in the work where you find it.”
“Uh-huh. I take it that him going solo means I’m jumping with you?”
“Yep. And you remember that whole listening bit. Garrick, he’s got years of jump experience. This is your first time—”
“I trust you to be gentle.” Jacob had the nerve to bat his eyes. No one was paying them any mind, but still he should know better than to flirt like that on the job. Drawn into Jacob’s good mood as he so often was, Linc had to fight the urge to laugh, not wanting to encourage him more. And damn him for making Linc think about sex, wonder about experience Jacob had or didn’t have, preferences in the bedroom, all the things he was supposed to have banished from his brain.
But he had to leave sex thoughts behind as they headed to the airstrip. He’d been at this enough years to know the pilot and the crew who would be taking them up, ten at a time, in the small plane. In addition to his group, they also had McKenna’s group going up. Jacob and their rookie, Kelley, kept joking around while waiting, even as Linc grew more and more... Not nervous. He didn’t do nervous and this wasn’t his first jump since...
Okay. Maybe he was a little nervous, especially since it wasn’t simply his own neck on the line. He checked all their rigging again, every connection point, and called McKenna over for another cross-check.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked in a low voice as she verified his work. “I heard you did some civilian jumps over the winter. Good for you, getting back out there. We’re lucky to have you again this season, Reid. Don’t forget who you are.”
Her pep talk wasn’t unappreciated—she was one of the best they had, and if she believed in him, that went a long way. He wished he could believe as easily as everyone else did. She was right—he’d worked with a civilian outlet to get his legs under him again. And it had been a little extra cash, taking tourists up. In general, when he wasn’t a wreck, he liked tandem jumping, enjoyed managing someone else’s experience, giving them a good ride down, showing off his skills. It was far different than a jump for work where every second counted and precision mattered far more than any style points as they battled the elements.
That day was a mix of the two—clear blue skies, not a fire in sight, no two-minute warning to get geared up, and a bunch of rookies as eager as any tourists, the start of the many jumps the rookies would need before the real deal.
Finally, it was their turn, smooth ride as the plane achieved the right altitude near the landing zone. He’d grown used to this view of the mountains and valleys beneath them, so it was kind of neat, seeing Jacob and Kelley get more excited, pointing out the terrain below them and marveling at how far they could see in all directions. He’d always loved Jacob’s ability to find joy in all situations from tossing a toy for the dogs to building a fire in the firepit to playing softball with the family. Heck, he even made working out and cleaning seem joyous, that infectious smile lightening any load.
But as they got ready to jump, true to his word, Jacob stayed still and at attention as Linc clipped them together and triple-checked everything one last time. His back was to Linc’s front, and for once his nearness didn’t affect Linc on a visceral level as he was more concerned with making sure the thick black webbing of the harness was secure.
“Watch Garrick,” he ordered as Garrick went first, demonstrating how they’d need to learn to exit without hesitation, precise timing on the spotter’s signal, his smooth movements and easy smile for the rookies the product of years of experience. Once he was away, McKenna and Kelley were next, Kelley doing a good job looking more excited than terrified as they leaped on the signal, not even yelling like most of the tourists he’d jumped with. Jacob was similarly calm as they waited for their signal.
You’ve done this before, Linc had to remind himself, taking a deep, steadying breath before adjusting his goggles. It being Jacob and being right now, after everything that had happened, shouldn’t make any difference, except it did. For the first time pre-jump, possibly ever, his stomach roiled. Fuck. But there was no time to puke or even to hesitate as the spotter gave them their signal, and his training took over for his jumbled brain, leaping in unison with Jacob.