Arlo shrugs. “Man, I feel like I’ve barely seen her.”
Pax looks at Caleb, who shrugs as well. “I haven’t seen her much, either. I texted her this morning, and she responded, but that’s it.”
He turns his inquiring gaze to me. “You guys had that thing last night. Did she seem okay?”
I give a short jerk of my head, working to read his response, and if he—like me—assumes it might be connected to myself. “Something’s bothering her, but she didn’t mention what.”
Pax nods in return, like he’s hearing my words and is trying to process them. He grabs a couple more pizza rolls. “Maybe she just needs to blow off some steam. It’s been a shitty fall.”
In our circle, blowing off steam consists of drinking until we can’t think about what’s bothering us, and then finding someone to distract us from caring. All day, I’ve struggled to keep from reaching out to Raegan. Working to uphold my end of this bargain feels like I’ve been asked to peel my skin off as I check my phone for messages from her that never come.
“If they both get shit-faced, I’ll probably bring them back here so they don’t have to deal with my parents. You guys care if they hole up in the living room?”
“You remember the last time Poppy got drunk, right?” Caleb asks.
“Oh, you mean when she took a piss in the alley?” Arlo asks.
Caleb laughs, nodding his head. “Before telling everyone how much she loved them over and over and over again.”
“She does get nuts,” Pax says.
“Have we seen Rae drunk?” Arlo asks the question I’m considering as I flip through a series of memories.
Pax shakes his head. “I think the closest she’s come to being drunk with us was when we stayed at the house last fall when my parents were out of town, and we played quarters.”
I snap. “Yes. She was singing all those pop songs.”
Paxton laughs. “Yup.”
We divide into two cars, me taking my truck and Caleb driving his Tahoe out to the Mexican restaurant where Rae celebrates her birthday each year.
I can’t worry about her reaction to me coming because I spent most of last night and all of today thinking about how and why we let things get so fucked up, and right now, I’m ready to lay all my cards out, company be damned. Let them know. Let everyone know. Maybe it will be easier to admit that I’m tired of staying away from her, that I hate the idea of not seeing her smile and being the one who she communicates in silent glances with. How I’m tired of feeling so damn undone when she’s gone, and how badly I want to feel her beside me through the bad and good, the terrible and fucking amazing—I want her there for all of them.
Arlo stretches out beside me. “Practice is going to fucking suck this week,” he says. “Coach won’t shut up about Utah’s fucking defense.”
I’ve been channeling my inner frustrations at the gym, so additional practices don’t phase me. I welcome the idea of a challenge right now. “Probably,” I answer.
“You think Rae Rae’s cool? I saw her a couple of weeks ago, and she did seem different. She kind of blew me off, though, saying she was tired.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
“How’d I get stuck in the car with you? You’re like sitting next to a brick wall,” Arlo says.
“Thankfully, it’s a short drive. Soon, you can talk everyone else’s ear off.”
He pulls in a breath and shifts. Silence makes him uneasy, like being in his own head for too long makes him lose his sanity.
“I saw the hottest chick last night,” Arlo continues. “She works at that drugstore off Halsley.”
“Don’t tell me you hit on her while you were picking up condoms.”
He laughs. “Gum, asshole. I was out of gum for practice this week. But I should have picked up some condoms, that way, she’d know I’m an extra-large.”
“Yeah, if she were smart, she’d ask you to prove it before you had the chance to flip off the lights.”
“Oh, she could because I’m a shower, not a grower. I’m always prepped and ready.” He grabs himself.
“If you whip out your junk, your shit’s going to be on the yard in the morning.”
Arlo laughs. “You think Poppy’s hot?”
“Poppy?”
“Yeah, you know, Reagan’s friend.” He draws out the syllables.
“I know who you’re talking about, asswipe. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re asking me.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“You can’t fuck around with her. She’s Rae’s best friend.”
“I didn’t say I was.”
“But you’re asking about her.”
He draws his shoulders up. “I think she’s kind of hot.”
“I’m pretty sure she likes that rugby guy.”
Arlo nods. “I don’t mean to necessarily date her, I just sometimes wonder if I want to have someone around like that, you know?”
“Someone like Poppy?”
“Someone who isn’t just with me to have a good time or brag to their friends. Someone who doesn’t want to just party all the time.”
I steal a glance at Arlo, the guy who seemed to have an allergy to the mere thought of a relationship since I’ve known him, rarely hanging out with the same girl twice. “What’s got you thinking about this?”
“My brother called to tell me he’s getting engaged.”
“Yeah?”
Arlo nods. “They’ve been dating for like two years. I don’t know, it all just seems so boring and mundane when you think about it, but at the same time, there’s something that kind of makes me kind of curious about it. To let your guard down and talk about real shit and things that actually matter. To have someone who actually cares about more than a winning record.” He taps a beat on my dashboard. “For a while, I thought you had something going with Raegan. You guys were hanging out all the time for a little while there.”
I cut my gaze to him again, attempting to read if there’s a question or insinuation behind his comment.
“Wait,” he says, his eyebrows jumping. “No shit?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”
“You like her.”
“It may not matter.”
“Because you realize Paxton will rip your scrotum out if you even consider it?”
“Because I pissed her off.”
“What’d you do?”
“Fucked up.”
Arlo chuckles. “You’re serious? You like her? Have you talked to Paxton?”
I shake my head once.
“He’s going to lose his shit. You don’t exactly have the reputation of being a choir boy.” He blows out a sigh, like he’s watching this situation play out in his mind. “Shit, that’s why you haven’t gone home with anybody. How long has this been going on? Did you guys…?”
“Mind your own fucking business.”
“That’s a no. Why? Don’t tell me she’s waiting for marriage. Wait, you guys have done something. Tell me, is she wild? Quiet? Loud?”