“Yes, but it was just a few hours. I told Phoenix I was ready to go the next night.”
“And if they’d made a move while you were with Charlotte, if they’d have taken out your brother because you didn’t have his back, what would have been your rationale?” Dad slams his fist on the desk. “You chose her over family. Again! Do you realize how badly things could have gotten for us if they decided to strike that night? Without you there to help defend everything we’ve worked for?”
“Well, he had Jase,” I say in a terse voice. “I mean, Jase is your guy, right? He could have handled it. You give him all of the big shit to do anyway! He would have been happy to have something to rub my nose in afterward. Showing me how he saved the family when I couldn’t!”
“We’ve had this conversation before, Xander. And quite frankly, I’m tired of your pissing matches. Neither one of you seem to get the bigger picture, that we need to show a goddamn united front to our enemies or else we’re fucking dead!” He steps closer toward me, his nostrils flared. “Do you get that, son? Because I don’t believe you understand exactly what we’re up against.”
“Then maybe you need to talk to me instead of just giving me orders without any context! I try to do what you want me to. I try to figure out the best way to handle things because you never tell me! You just shit all over me when I don’t do it your way!”
Dad is silent for a minute. Then he finally nods. “You know what? You’re right. This area is too involved, there is too much risk to be overlooked. I can’t have the wrong people doing my work here. I need to make sure that my guys are clear on what to look for and how to approach certain situations.”
“That’s exactly right,” I say. “You can’t expect us to read your mind, Dad. We need—”
“What you need is exactly what you requested. A transfer to Chicago where you can work side by side with Phoenix and learn directly from him. And I think the sooner you get that training, the better.” He stares at me, his jaw twitching. “But let’s not wait until graduation. The threats are real and they get closer every day, not only here but in our other territories. I need well-trained guys to handle them.” The corners of his lips curl upward into a knowing smirk. “That’s why I’m sending you to Chicago with Phoenix when he leaves next week.”
Chapter 10
Charlotte
The sweet taste of Xander’s lips linger as I sink farther into my bed. I hate that I made him leave. All of the things that I want to do to him, have him do to me, swim around in my brain. We could be ripping each other’s clothes off right now, but no, I had to make him be a good son.
What in the fuck was I thinking?
He could have been devouring me in the most primal, perfect of ways right now. Right here. And I made him leave. But, it was the right thing to do. We’ll have more time together, right? He’ll come back. He has to. He promised.
Or at least I feel like he promised.
My head is spinning.
Everything is so terrible and so perfect all at once.
I can’t wrap my mind around all of it.
The bullshit with Scarface.
The horrifying things he said to me about Andrew.
The realization that Xander actually wants to be with me.
The fact that he wanted to stay with me instead of going to his father.
No one has ever really put me first like that.
No one other than Xander.
Rolling my neck slowly, I try to compartmentalize the day’s event. But it’s no use. My mind is a jumbled mess of euphoria, confusion, and terror.
Should I tell my parents about Scarface? Would they even care? How would I even begin to explain it?
My mom might care. Dad would just tune me out and continue reading The Wall Street Journal.
That’s an issue for another day.
I really can’t handle any more of this right now.
A gentle tap on my bedroom door breaks me out of my swirling thoughts.
“Charlotte?” my mother’s soft voice whisks into the room.
“Yeah?”
She cracks the door, peeking her head in. “I didn’t hear you come in. How was your session with Hilary?”
I wave her into the room. She smiles at me as she takes a seat at the foot of my bed.
“It was good,” I lie through gritted teeth.
My mom looks too hopeful, too excited for me to break her right away. I want to bask in her being a doting mother for just a little bit longer.
Cocking her perfectly filled and nipped head to the side, she narrows her eyes at me. “What’s going on, sweetie?”
How in the hell did she see through that?
I shrug. “I just don’t like talking about all of it. It’s all so unclear still and I just don’t want to deal with any of it anymore.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. Just half of the truth. Better than nothing, right?
What I remembered...the haunting memories bubbling to the surface...what if they weren’t real? What if it was all just a result of the anxiety I feel about Scarface? And the despair I still feel about losing my brother? What if the accident messed with my head and now I’m confusing everything with my own unresolved emotions?
How can I tell any of it to my mother, tearing open old wounds when I can’t say for sure that it really happened?
Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself of that because the reality is a hell of a lot scarier.
“I know it’s hard, honey. But in time it will all be clear. Maybe once you’re back in school and have a normal routine again, you’ll start to feel better.” Her petite hand lands on mine. “Are you up for that?”
I chew on my lip, closing my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“The doctor said that you can go back as long as you’re feeling up to it. So, you decide.” Her thumb rubs circles over the back of my hand. “I don’t want you to push yourself too hard, but I also hate seeing you like this.”
I search her eyes. They’re clear — not hollow, bloodshot, or droopy. Her voice is even and bright. She’s clean for the first time since I have been home. I haven’t seen her like this in...well, since before Andrew died. Nothing could have made me happier in this moment. Well, nothing that PG, anyway. Xander could definitely make me happier — with his face between my legs.
I shake away the lustful thoughts and focus again on my mother. She’s perfectly dressed in an off-white pantsuit and gorgeous black heels. The double strand of pearls hugging her thin neck glistens in the afternoon sunlight as she lifts her short blonde hair off of her neck.
I can’t help the tears that well up in my eyes. I don’t even really know why they are forming. Is it Scarface? Xander? My mother being a real mom for the first time in ages? Who the fuck knows? All I know is that I have no idea what is actually going on in my brain right now.
Another sign that school should probably be on the back burner for a little while longer. In reality, I don’t want it to be. I would rather get back to school, get back to some form of normal. Normal is a stretch in my life, but going back to Ridgeview Prep would be a start.
My mother’s hand shoots up, battling a few tears that had the audacity to fall onto my cheek.