Another person I am only telling half-truths to.
Xander is rubbing off on me a little too much.
There are too many secrets now.
Too many things that are so far up in the air, it makes my head spin.
But how in the fucking world could I explain any of this shit to my new best friend?
It’s not like I can tell her what is really going on. She would tell me that I was crazy for loving Xander and an idiot for not telling my parents about Scarface. And she would be right. I am crazy and a total idiot. Because no matter how much I try to fight it. I want to be with Xander and I want this entire mess to just go away. But deep down I know that none of that is going to happen. That would be a fairytale ending and this is real life.
As the bell rings, Ellie puts her hand softly on my arm. “I got you, babe,” she reassures me with a little wink. “And if it gets too much, you go home. At least you’re trying.”
My shoulders relax. “Thanks, I needed to hear that.” I take a long drink out of the to-go cup and nod toward the open door of our classroom. “Shall we?”
Ellie offers her arm to me and I laugh.
“Let’s do this,” she sings out.
I made it to lunchtime. It’s a small feat, but it’s something. And I am going to take the minor win. I need something to be even the least bit proud of right now.
Waiting for Ellie outside of the cafeteria, I hear a loud snicker coming from behind me. I know that laugh and it belongs to the last person in this fucking school whom I want to deal with right now.
“Look, a broken slut out in the wild,” Melina scoffs as I slowly turn to see her posted up against the brick wall with her arms folded under her massive tits. Someone needs to tell her that she looks like a hooker, not a high school student. Her bright red lips and inch-thick makeup make her look like trash. I want to scrub it off her face with a Brillo pad.
“I’m not in the mood.” I turn away from her. My fists clench and my jaw tightens. I can feel her getting closer to me.
“But I am,” she whispers only inches away from my ear.
I whip around, closing the gap between us. “Remember what happened last time you tried to fuck with me? Want to run to the bathroom crying like a little bitch with a bloody nose again? Are you that desperate to be manhandled that you’ll just push buttons until you get your rocks off?”
Her eyes narrow as her lips curl. “You’re such a little punk ass bitch. No one wants you here. You think I’m scared of some rich, prissy little cunt like you. You have no idea what I am capable of. But Xander does.”
His name slides out of her mouth and assaults me. “Fuck you. I don’t give a shit about anything you have to say to me. Leave me the fuck alone before you regret ever even looking in my direction.”
“You know that you’re not woman enough for him, right?” She cackles.
“Then why does he keep coming back for more?” I pop my hip out, crossing my arms over my chest.
Her lips twist into a sinister sneer as she whips out her phone. “See for yourself. He was out with me last night.”
Glaring at me is a picture of a smiling Melina with her back pressed against Xander’s chest. His face is hard — pissed. But that fact is lost on me. All that crosses my mind is that after he told me he loved me he went to a club with that slut. Rage prickles my skin as I start to see red.
Without even thinking about it, I lunge for her, grabbing a fistful of her hair with my left hand. My right connects with her jaw as she screams, trying to scratch me. but I am too quick for her, I yank her to the side, slamming her face first into the brick wall.
Jumping back, I let her rush for me but then step to the side, kicking out my leg. As Melina tumbles to the ground, I dive on top of her. Scratching and punching with her pinned under my knees, I scream at her. Every foul thing I can think of. I call her a cunt, bitch, pussy, asshole — everything.
Students start to gather around, forming a tight circle around us. They’re all cheering me on as I pummel the horrible bitch to a fucking pulp. I take all of my rage out on her face. My anger at Xander for standing me up. The rage that has built up since I realized that Scarface is threatening my very existence. The hatred for my father and him being a complete asshole. The anger that my brother was taken from me and possibly murdered.
Right as I was about to stop because Melina is just whimpering and begging for me to get off of her, a hand grips the back of my arm and yanks me up.
“Char, what the hell?” Xander’s eyes are wide as he pulls me into his broad chest.
I didn’t realize it until that moment, but I was hysterically crying.
Melina scrambles to her feet. “She attacked me, Xander. Again! You need to teach her a fucking lesson.”
Xander releases my arm, pushing me behind him to get between me and Melina. Every muscle in his body tightens as I watch from a few steps back. All I can do is try to get my head back on straight as I pant.
“Teach her a lesson? Fuck you, Melina. I told you that I didn’t want anything to do with you. I know that Charlotte didn’t start this. But fuck if she ended it. And thank God she taught you a lesson. Stay the fuck away from her and me. I am not going to say it again.” Xander’s voice was level but calculated.
Melina holds her gushing nose with one hand, trying to paw at Xander’s chest with the other. “Come on, baby. You know that you’re going to get bored with her and come crawling back. You always do.”
Xander grabs her arm, shoving her away. “Things change, and one major difference about you and her is that I love her and you were never more than a piece of meat to me. Now go get yourself cleaned up and never talk to either of us again.”
He turns his back on the whimpering slut as she tries one last time to touch him. Pulling his arm away, he grabs my hand. “Let’s get out of here.”
My teeth grind as I stare at our fingers laced together. “No.”
“What?” I can’t believe how shocked he looks. “We need to get you cleaned up and ready for the rest of your classes.”
“I am not going anywhere with you, Xander.” I plant my feet, turning my head away from him.
“What is going on?”
“Have fun last night?” I growl. “You can’t keep treating me like a yo-yo! I thought I could trust you, and I see that you’ve been fucking around behind my back again.”
His hand runs over his face. “Not here,” he whispers. “Please, just come to my car with me so we can actually talk.”
“I am done talking. I am done listening. You told me you would come back last night, and instead you went out with her. I think that says it all, Xander. And I am done.”
Xander pulls me into him, forcing me around the side of the building away from the prying eyes and ears of our classmates who were still enjoying the show.
“Look, Charlotte.” His eyes search mine as he starts his empty attempt at explaining himself. “I went out last night to get answers about Scarface. Melina found me. She wouldn’t leave me alone and I told her to get lost. That is all that happened. You have to believe me.”
“How can I believe anything you say anymore? You make all of these promises, say all of the right things, claim to love me. But, this is not love, Xander. Or if it is love, I don’t want anything to do with it.”