Erin had broken the law with impunity. But I’d never been a risk-taker or a criminal, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to let Lyle turn me into one.
“Once we involve the authorities, it could drag on for years, right? Won’t the government seize all his assets?” Then my mom might see only a fraction of her money down the road. “Custody and my house and everything else would be an open question, too.”
“Unfortunately, that’s all likely, yes.”
“In other words, we’re basically victimized twice.” A gross injustice given how faithfully I’d always followed every rule.
“Let’s focus on what we can control. With your permission as joint account holder, I’ll track recent electronic transfers and maybe tie them to these offshore entities.”
Nothing he’d said made me feel better, but that wasn’t his fault. “Okay. Thank you.”
I’d just hung up when Erin asked, “Lyle bought a boat?”
Any remnants of hope for my future dissolved in my chest, wrenching a hiccuped sob. I grabbed the now-wilting pink roses I’d kept—my last contact with Lyle—and threw them in the trash with a groan, then shuffled to my seat, robotically summarizing Stan’s update.
My mother folded and unfolded her paper napkin like an accordion, her mouth twisted in an unpleasant moue. Erin handed me some tissues.
“There’s basically no question now that Lyle’s stolen Mom’s money. Let me call Rodri.”
Being a felon’s daughter would cast a long shadow over Willa. That reality turned my stomach. “Stan said to wait. The loan document didn’t specify how Lyle had to spend the money, and he only has circumstantial evidence linking Lyle with this company and boat. Besides, Rodri is local. We need to get the feds interested if we want to arrest him in another country.”
“So you will involve the authorities once you get all the evidence?” Erin looked at Mom and me.
“The legalities might drag out for years . . . Mom might not recover much, if anything.” There had to be a solution that made her whole. I grabbed my head, needing time to think.
“I can’t believe you’d risk breaking the law.” Erin bugged her eyes.
I scowled at her hypocrisy. “You did.”
“First of all, Max’s crime was peanuts compared with Lyle’s, so the stakes were way lower. Second, I’ve got nothing to lose, Amanda. But you’re going to be a mother. You shouldn’t even consider something reckless.”
“I didn’t say I would! I’m simply looking at options,” I yelled. “You might be comfortable making snap decisions, but I like to think them through, so give me more than two seconds to process what Stan told me.”
“Well, hooray for finally having a temper.” Erin flung her arms outward. “Let the fury come and don’t let Lyle off easy.”
“You think I haven’t been furious since this began? Willa won’t have anything like the life I wanted for her, but maybe the least I can do for her is use Lyle’s crime against him to secure full custody.” My voice had hit birdlike screech levels, but it couldn’t be helped. “If that means he gets to stay out of jail, maybe it’s for the best. And don’t look at me like I’m weak or crazy. Stan says plenty of women pursue solutions that don’t involve cops. I’ve got to think about Willa’s future, first and foremost.”
Erin sighed, conflict screwing up her face. “What if you fail, Amanda, or you get arrested? Is that best for Willa?”
She had me there, but I was too busy trying to punch my way out of this coffin Lyle had buried me in to concede any ground.
Mom had remained silent throughout our argument, but one look at her reminded me that I wasn’t the only one with everything at stake. “What are you thinking, Mom?”
Mom’s gaze darted from my sister to me. “I don’t know. I don’t know . . .”
I covered my face like one of my students who wished to disappear.
Erin chimed in. “At least start divorce proceedings.”
“Stop! Please stop.” My palms slapped the table. “Just because something is right or true doesn’t make it simple. I’m so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to begin, let alone know what to do with this devastating pain.” I pounded on my chest. “You probably can’t imagine feeling lost and hopeless and stupid and worthless, but there it is. He’s left me with next to nothing. I can’t even pay the mortgage. I could lose this house—and I can’t sell it without his consent since we’re both on the deed. I’m basically now a broke single mom. God help me if that woman becomes my daughter’s stepmom. And where will I live? Can I get my old job back and afford to pay for help raising my daughter? I’ve got all this running through my mind every second, so I don’t need you pushing me to blow up every last semblance of the life I’m still mourning on your timetable, Erin.”
She and my mother exchanged worried looks, unaccustomed to my temper. At least it gave me a second to catch my breath.
“You can’t still love him, can you?” Erin asked in the softest voice I’d ever heard her use.
“Right now I’ve never hated anyone more. But two weeks ago I thought my marriage was near perfect. Several days ago, it still had a small chance.” I closed my eyes. “My head knows it’s over, but my heart still aches for the life and love I thought I had.”
Mom tapped her glass with her fork. “Girls, we’ve got to pull together.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you’re worried, too.” I glanced at Erin, who gazed into space, clearly biting her tongue. “Once we’ve got the evidence, if you want to go to the police, we will.”
My mom raised her chin—defiantly so. “I’m not interested in becoming the laughingstock of town if we can find a way to handle this ourselves instead.”
“Mom!” Erin slapped her forehead.
“Stop, Erin.” Mom held up a palm. “Trust me. Life here will be unbearable if all of this comes out. It’ll be worse than what happened with my dad, because I worked in these schools for three decades. Everyone knows me. There’ll be no hiding from everyone’s pity, scorn, or schadenfreude. For Pete’s sake, I’d have to move to escape the shame. And Dodo would insert herself in my affairs like she did with George. What good does it do me if Lyle sits in jail but I never get my money back? He still wins. Even if a bargain with Lyle is illegal, he can’t turn us in for extortion without exposing his own crimes.” She nodded to herself. “He’s pragmatic. He’ll cooperate if we catch him, and Amanda can keep custody without dishonor bringing us all down—”
“I can’t believe how far you’ll go to avoid a little gossip,” Erin interrupted.
“It’s not ‘a little gossip.’ It’s forever, thanks to Google. And it isn’t only me that would suffer. My granddaughter will suffer forever, too, anytime anyone searched her name or her dad’s.” Mom sighed. “Your sister is smart. She’ll find another way.”
I closed my eyes to avoid seeing my mother’s self-recriminations and my sister’s scorn. But our predicament proved I wasn’t very smart at all.