“Well, looks like I might need your help with her.”
“A role reversal!” She chuckled.
Wasn’t it just. “If only Dad were here, maybe I’d get to be his favorite for a day.”
Erin’s grin faded. “I know you think Dad loved me best, but that’s not true. We liked the same music and shared inside jokes, and he enjoyed my traits that made you and Mom uncomfortable, but he loved you and Kevin as much as me. Sometimes I think he went easy on me because the rest of you always cringed at my differences.”
The impact of her words hit me from all angles, knocking my knees out from under me. “Did you . . . did you think I didn’t like you?”
My head spun from the very idea because, for my whole life, I’d thought it the other way around.
“Don’t start feeling guilty. I know deep down you and Mom love me even though I embarrass you.” She flashed an impish smile, but if she believed what she was saying, it had to hurt.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. All I ever wanted was to be close. I tried so hard to get you to want to play with me, but you always ran off.”
“I ran from your dolls and games like ‘house.’” She crossed her arms. “Besides, if I’d brought you along to break all the rules, you’d have tattled.”
“Only if you were doing something unsafe.” Those words came out defensively—so much so that I had to laugh at myself. “Oh gosh. No wonder you ran.”
Erin smiled with that same twinkle in her eye that Dad had. For the first time in weeks, my chest felt warm and fuzzy.
I grabbed my sister into another hug and squeezed tight. “I feel like we’re finally coming to understand and count on each other. It means so much to me.”
“Same here.” She patted my back but eased away, averting her eyes. “Anyway, I’m heading out with Lexi for open-mic night at the Lamplight. Her boyfriend is singing, so she wants to stack the audience with fans.”
I would’ve declined an invitation to join her in favor of making amends with Mom, but on the heels of our breakthrough, it would’ve been nice to have been asked. Then again, my giant belly didn’t scream “bar buddy.” “Have fun.”
Erin affected a mock bow before exiting the kitchen.
Leaving me alone. Again.
I guessed Mom had gone to Dad’s grave. Even a year later, she still turned to him when she got upset. Habits of a nearly forty-year marriage must be hard to break. One benefit of getting out of mine early would be learning to turn inward for answers. It wouldn’t be an easy shift, but Willa needed me to be tougher by the time she arrived.
For now, I’d make one of my mom’s favorite meals. As I opened the refrigerator door, a loud whoop rang out from the bedroom, followed by a hearty “It’s like old times!”
In every way, my sister was coming through for me. Never in all these years had it occurred to me that my behavior had driven some of hers. She’d hidden her self-doubt so well I hadn’t thought anything I did or said ever mattered to her. Our little talk had been a good start at being more honest.
With no more secrets and unspoken grievances between us, maybe now my sister and I would finally become friends.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ERIN
Apparently Mom’s earlier “thinking” had resulted in a decision to answer Amanda’s questions with yes/no answers, period.
My sister had to regret moving home at the exact time she finally stood up to Mom. Being surrounded by bad juju in that empty house across town must’ve been unbearable for her to willingly suffer this wrath. Mom’s mood aside, we had to make it work because Amanda and Willa belonged with us.
My sister’s inexperience with disapproval left her vulnerable, though. I suggested ignoring Mom until she surrendered. That always did the trick for me, but Amanda didn’t have my alligator skin. In the time it took me to pick an outfit, shower, and laze around my newly cleaned room, she’d already cooked dinner and done a load of laundry to win back Mom’s good graces.
Lexi honked her horn a second time, so I barreled through the living room to avoid being trapped by the tension, quickly waving goodbye.
I told myself my staying home tonight might cause a setback in Amanda’s battle for independence. But I also tore out of there because it was easier to run away than be cast aside once the “star” child made amends. A part of me—a selfish part—wondered whether Amanda’s return would affect the little rhythm Mom and I had forged while watching Jeopardy! and making sugar scrubs. We three Turner girls—soon to be four—faced weeks or months of breaking old habits and forming new ones.
And, aside from all those reasons to bolt, there was the fact that I hoped to bump into Eli tonight.
But running out the door didn’t make it easier to ignore my sister’s misery. She’d been brave today, calling Lyle’s dad and moving forward with the cops. We’d had an awesome sisterly breakthrough, yet I still hadn’t told her or Mom about my run-in with Lyle and Ebba. My dad had warned me not to build a relationship on lies, but this truth was more likely to destroy the progress we’d made.
I darted across the lawn—red Converse in hand—and flung open the dented door of Lexi’s Corolla.
“You look hawt, E!” Lexi smiled, eyeing my supershort, fitted black dress with white and red stripes running down each side. By pairing the dress with my sneakers, I’d put together a trendy getup, if I did say so myself.
“Thanks.” I buckled up before she pulled away from the curb, without mentioning the motivation behind my outfit. “Where’s Tony?”
“I dropped him at the club first so he could do a sound check. You know how he gets, taking this so seriously, like he was Garth Brooks or something.” She giggled, but when Tony sang onstage, he was Garth Brooks in her eyes.
Like every reference to country music lately, this made me think of Eli, who might actually know Garth Brooks.
I wondered if he’d recovered from his surprise ghost-a-gram since he’d scrambled away from Nancy and me on Monday. Each morning my yoga students had grown restless while I’d stared at the sliders, giving him an extra minute to show up. And every single time he didn’t, the sky seemed duller. Then I’d remember my mom’s advice and decide his disappearing act might be for the best. But tonight the buzz of anticipation swarmed my stomach. If he was at the Lamplight, I would check up on him. “Are we eating at the bar or stopping somewhere cheaper first?”
“Did you forget about the ladies’ night special on open-mic nights? How ’bout we drink our dinner? We can get a bucket of Bud and a bowl of peanuts pretty dang cheap.”
“Split an order of wings and I’m in.” I reached over to hug her shoulders while she was driving. “You’re the best date ever. Does Tony know how lucky he is?”
“He does.” Her satisfied smile reminded me of how my sister used to grin when discussing Lyle. But in Lexi’s case, she’d found the real deal. “You know, you haven’t said boo about Max these past few weeks. Do you miss him at all, or are you ready to move on?”
“I don’t miss him.” That sounded idyllic, but it actually made me a little sad. Watching Amanda agonize over her divorce had me questioning whether I lacked some essential gene needed to form a loving attachment to any man other than my dad. “I could move on with the right guy.”