"It's not the kill he wants, Cruz. It's the hunt. If he'd wanted you dead that night in the alley, you would've been dead."
Cruz was clearly confused. "Why would he leave me alive? His goal was to get to you. To get back at you for the court-martial—"
I shook my head. "That was just what he told the men he convinced to attack us both. It was the same thing with the women and girls. When I went back to question the victims, they all said the same thing. That there was one man who stood apart from the rest of them. That he only watched and that he took pleasure in that… in watching. He did the same thing that night when he had you attacked. He stayed long enough to watch me fight off the men who'd hurt you, and then he was gone. He wanted me to know that he was still out there and that he would always be watching. It was the ultimate revenge. It meant I would never have peace."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Cruz asked.
"Because there was no reason for you to live like that. To be looking over your shoulder every day for the rest of your life."
"No, I guess there wasn't. Because you were doing it for me," Cruz murmured. "I suppose it never occurred to you that maybe I could help catch the man who was so intent on hurting you?"
"If I told you the truth, would you have been able to have what you do with Elliot? Or would you have given up the chance to be with him so you could ensure his safety?" I asked. “Because it isn’t me Bishop is going to go after. It’s everyone he thinks I care about. If you’d known, would you have been able to let Elliot go?”
Cruz looked away, clearly torn by the question. It didn't matter because I knew the truth. He absolutely would've chosen Elliot's safety over having a future with him. It was something I understood all too well.
"Help me find him now, Cruz. Help me make sure that Bishop can't hurt the people we care about most in this world."
"Tell me what you need me to do," Cruz said. His eyes met mine once again. He was in soldier mode, which was exactly where I needed him to be.
"Take Ryan and Elliot somewhere Bishop can't find them. Sam needs to know that his children are safe."
"Matias, why are you risking Sam's life like this—"
"Do you really think this is my choice?" I snapped impatiently. "If I had my way, I'd hide Sam away on some mountain somewhere where nothing could ever hurt him again! But the man's as stubborn as…" My words dropped off when I saw the smile drift across Cruz’s mouth.
"What?" I asked in frustration.
"Let me know when you come up with the right words to describe him," he said with a wink. He sobered a moment later and added, "I'll keep them safe, Matias. Do what you need to do and end this thing with Bishop once and for all. And after it's all over, if Sam is the one who still makes it easier for you to take those deep breaths, then you have my blessing."
My brother turned to go, but I found myself unable to resist saying, "Even if it means I'll be your stepfather-in-law?"
I smiled when Cruz shot me a deadly look. "No, just no," he murmured and then he was headed in the direction of Ryan's room. It was just moments later that Sam was returning to the living room.
"Everything okay?" he asked. I wanted nothing more than to draw him into my arms and tell him that everything was perfect. Because despite the sheer chaos that our lives had become, the fact that I was here with him was perfect. I couldn't explain it, but I was tired of trying to pretend it wasn't true.
I nodded. "How is Ryan?" I asked.
"He's hanging in there," Sam said. "Elliot's got him super excited about the adventure they’re going on. He’s already talking about all the rest of the Jurassic Park movies they’ll be able to watch without me there to stop them."
An awkward silence hung in the air between us after he finished talking. As glad as I was to be there with him, I’d never felt so disconnected from him. There were a thousand things I wanted to say and do, but I couldn't bring myself to move or speak. Sam stood there for a moment, his eyes speaking volumes, but then he was dropping them. "Okay, well, I guess I should go back and see how they're doing on the packing."
"Yeah, I should go talk to Ronan about what the plan is," I murmured.
It wasn't until well after Sam had left the room that I found the words I should've said as he turned his back on me. The same words I'd had the courage to say to him only once…the ones that had changed the trajectory of our relationship forever.
Don't go.
But of course, by the time I whispered them, it was too late because Sam was long gone.
Chapter 24
Sam
"Sorry," I murmured as I caught Matias’s gaze on my hands once again.
We were sitting at my kitchen table. Matias had recently given me what he’d called a burner phone that I could use to talk to Elliot and Ryan without fear of it being traced. Ever since he’d put it in my hand, I'd been tapping it on the table out of sheer nervousness.
"It's fine," Matias said. "Why don't you go ahead and call them?"
Elliot and Ryan had left with Cruz and several other men only twenty minutes earlier, but I was already beside myself with worry. I would've liked to have told him I was fine and that making the call wasn't necessary, but the reality was that I needed to hear my children's voices. It was the only way I had even a chance in hell of focusing on whatever plan Ronan was about to share with us.
I hit the button on the phone that was programmed to dial the other burner phone. Elliot picked up almost immediately. "Dad, everything okay?" he asked. I could hear the nervousness in his voice. He definitely took after me when it came to his anxiety level. I was glad that he had Cruz to watch over him. I hadn't really had much of a chance to go into detail with Elliot about what was happening, but his trust in Cruz was absolute, so I knew that that was the only thing that had made it possible for my oldest child to walk out the front door with his little brother, leaving me behind.
"Yeah, everything's good," I said. "Just wanted to see how you guys are doing."
Elliot hesitated a moment and then said, "Hang on, let me put you on speaker." The fact that my son knew I needed to hear both his and Ryan's voices wasn't a surprise. I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes when I heard Ryan's computer voice kick in. Even though the computer couldn't convey the tone of my son’s excitement, I knew it was there. I managed to respond in all the appropriate places as Ryan reiterated all the things he and his brother and Cruz were going to do.
By the time I hung up the phone, I was feeling better and worse at the same time. I was beyond glad that my children would be safe, but at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to have them at my side. My eyes shifted to Matias. He wasn't looking at me. Instead, his eyes were on the table. I hated that he no longer looked me in the eye when he spoke to me. I knew he was feeling guilty for all of this, but I was beyond being angry at him. The fact was that I needed him, every part of him, to get through this.
But I couldn't tell him that because none of this was real. He'd said that himself. It was just a terrible twist of circumstance that had led us here. Whatever relationship we’d had before he’d walked out on me was long over and I needed to remember that. The blow job he’d given me in the bathroom had been nothing more than his way of trying to blow off some steam.