I was surprised when Matias rolled me on my back and stroked his thumb over the ring on my finger. "I want to hear everything about you. Mac is part of you. That makes him part of us. I want to know more about the man who holds a piece of your heart."
Matias’s words not only surprised me but moved me too. I felt tears stinging my eyes but managed to hold them back. "He would've liked you," I admitted. "Even though you guys are so very different, you're a lot alike too. He was protective like you. And he had a good heart like you." The tears I'd been trying to stem fell anyway. Matias wiped them away with his fingers.
"He loved you, so he was obviously a very smart man." Matias leaned down and brushed a kiss across my mouth. "Tell me about when you first met him."
Matias lowered himself back down to the bed and positioned us so we were now facing one another. I loved how he kept touching me in various ways.
"Some older kids were hassling me under a bridge. They were trying to roll me for what little money I had on me. Mac stopped them. He told me to go home, but when I told him I couldn't, he arranged to get me into a shelter. He wanted to get Child Protective Services involved, but I wasn't interested in a foster or group home. When I threatened to run away if he called them, he backed off. But he came back to the shelter the following day and told me he had a line on a job for me. It was nothing fancy… just a job sorting mail for this big investment company. But it was enough. I filed for emancipation from my parents and got my GED. Once that happened, I was able to get an apartment and stuff. I didn't see Mac again for a few years. When I ran into him, he didn't even recognize me. I was nineteen and in my second year of college. We started hanging out as friends, but I knew I wanted more. Turned out, he did too. He saved my life. He gave me my life."
As I’d been talking, I dropped my eyes to where I'd been rubbing my thumb along the inside of Matias’s elbow. I lifted them to see if he was annoyed by my story, but he didn't look angry. He looked… fascinated.
"What about you?"
"What about me?" he asked.
"What was your home life like? I already know that your father hurt you and your brother. When were you able to get away from him?"
"With money as tight as it was and Cruz being so little, I couldn't really just take him away. I didn't finish high school. I dropped out when I was fifteen and got a job. Our father was spending what little money he was earning on booze. By that time, I was big enough that he knew better than to come after me. But being at work meant Cruz was vulnerable. I thought my threats would be enough to keep Cruz safe, but they weren't. It wasn't until I actually beat the shit out of dear old Dad one night after finding Cruz covered in bruises that things finally changed. Our old man left Cruz alone after that. Once Cruz was old enough, we left home. Cruz and I joined the Army. You know what happened after that."
"What about relationships?" I asked. When Matias tensed, I knew I'd overstepped, so I quickly said, "I'm sorry, Matias, we don't need to talk about this." I pulled my hand away from Matias’s because I figured he'd want to put some distance between us, but his fingers closed around mine to stop me. Instead of pulling back, he shifted even closer to me. Our bodies were aligned and our mouths were just inches from each other.
He seemed pained as he closed his eyes and said, "Yeah, we do."
Chapter 27
Matias
"There were no relationships," I said as I drew Sam even closer to me. "I hate talking about myself," I admitted. "So even if I had been in a position to pursue a relationship, it never would've worked."
"So there was never anyone special?" Sam asked.
I shook my head. "Life was about survival. That's what it's always been about. I had to survive my parents. Then it was about keeping Cruz safe and healthy. I didn't have time for attachments. I didn't want the responsibility, either. I wanted to be able to fuck a guy and then go back to the way things had been. I couldn't risk turning into him."
"Him?" Sam asked softly. "Do you mean your father?"
I closed my eyes and nodded. "I knew I was like him the first time I stood over him. I wanted to hurt him. Cruz was safe, I was safe, but I still wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to suffer and to feel pain and to be afraid like I'd been. It wasn't just about protecting myself or my brother, it was about vengeance."
"And you think that makes you like him?"
"I know it does," I said. I forced myself to open my eyes and look at Sam. It was a conversation I’d never wanted to have with him, but I knew I had no choice. "You’ve seen the rage for yourself. You’ve seen that I can't control it."
"I've seen a man who’s carried too much on his shoulders for far too long. You're allowed to be angry, Matias. You're allowed to hate the world. You're allowed to want revenge for all the terrible things that were done to you and your little brother. But tell me this. Have you ever acted on it? Have you just, out of the blue, taken that anger out on someone who didn't deserve it? Someone innocent?"
"It's only a matter of time," I murmured. I felt cold and ugly inside. I tried to pull away from Sam, but his arm snaked around my waist.
"Your brother is a good man, Matias. From what I can tell, Ronan is a good man. And I like to think that I'm a good man. That's three good men who care about you. Who don't believe for even a second that you would ever hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. Who don't believe you are anything like the man who raised you. His blood may run in your veins, just like my father's does in mine, but we are not them. Do you want to know what I think about you, Matias?" Sam asked as he brushed a kiss over my mouth.
I managed a nod.
"I think you feel everything. I think you feel it in yourself even when it isn't about you. I think you saw what your comrades did to those women and children and it was like it had been done to you. I think you saw that gun being put to Ryan's head and it was like it was against your own. That's a lot to feel, my love. It's a lot to hold in. I know you weren't allowed to feel as a child, but it's safe now. You're safe now. And you're not alone anymore. No matter what happens between us, I will always be a safe place for you."
His words were almost too much to take in all at once. But I knew what he was saying was true. I'd instinctively known from the moment that I'd seen him that he would be my safe place. I'd passed it off as obsession, but it hadn't been that at all.
He was my sanctuary.
I was at a loss for words, so I could do nothing more than draw him into my arms and hold him tight. When he softly asked, “Stay with me tonight?" I could only nod. No one, not Bishop, not my own insecurities, not even God himself could tear me away from this man.
It didn't take long for our embrace to turn into something more. For the first time, I made love to Sam. I took my time cherishing every inch of his body before starting all over again. I took him to the edge over and over, but never sent him flying. It wasn't until we were wrapped around one another, our naked bodies drenched with sweat and shaking uncontrollably, that I finally sent us both over the edge. The orgasm was violent and unrelenting. When it did finally come to an end, I collapsed on top of Sam. I somehow managed to separate from him long enough to allow my dick to slip free of his body, but then I was back in his arms and I happily allowed sleep to claim me as Sam whispered soft nothings into my ear.