Things like where we'd been when Mac had told me he loved me for the first time, my excitement when he'd asked me to move in with him, my fears and joys when he’d told me he wanted us to have children.
"In the best way," I admitted, because saying yes to that simple question didn't do the answer justice.
Matias nodded. "It feels wrong, then?" he asked as he slowly stood up. I didn't get a chance to ask him what he meant, because he continued on his own. Though, as soon as I heard the rest of what he had to say, I wished I hadn't.
"Wanting me.”
Chapter 5
Matias
Cruz had always said I lacked the filter that most people had when it came to the things they said. In my mind, it just made it easier for those people to lie. And I had absolutely no interest in lying to Sam.
In addition to the no-filter thing, many of the guys I’d fucked had told me afterwards that I was a callous son of a bitch who got off on using people. I’d never bothered to clarify that I didn't get off on using people, I used people to get off. Though, I supposed, maybe it really was the same thing. That was why I always made sure the guys I was with knew the score… the no-filter thing came in handy in those cases.
I’d figured it would help cut through any unnecessary bullshit with Sam too. I got that he was hung up on his husband, but the man had been dead a long time and Sam was very much alive. It was as simple as that.
Those were the words I told myself, anyway, as I watched Sam's expression fall for a moment before hardening into what I could only classify as pure fury. It was exactly what I needed to happen. What I'd been waiting for.
The second Sam opened his mouth to lay into me, I reached out to snag the back of his head and dragged him forward at the same time that I crashed my mouth down onto his. Sam was so surprised that he didn't move for several seconds. He didn't kiss me back either.
When he did react, not surprisingly, he shoved at my chest hard and yanked his mouth from mine. I had my fingers threaded in his hair while my arm was around his waist, so he wasn't able to escape me completely. His breath came out in heavy pants as he dropped his left hand to the forearm I had at his waist and dug his fingers into my skin. The mere fact that he wasn't trying to push my arm away from his body had me leaving my arm exactly where it was.
"Let me go," Sam demanded, though he still made no effort to step away from me. While my hold on his hair was firm, one twist and he could have easily gotten away from me.
I dropped my mouth to the shell of his ear and nuzzled the soft skin just behind it. "Is that really what you want?" I whispered to him. I had no interest at all in forcing the man to engage in any kind of behavior that he didn't want, but the way he was holding on to my arm as tremors racked his body told me that his verbal command and his body weren't in complete agreement on what he wanted.
Sam didn't answer me. He didn't tell me to let him go, nor did he tell me not to. He merely stood there, still as a statue, except for his fingers. They continued to dig into my arm. When I went to pull it back just a little to see what he’d do, he actually hung on to it. That had him letting out a little whimper and then he was looking down at his own hand, as if surprised by its action.
I should've been relishing the victory, but something was niggling at my brain.
I had him right where I needed him to be. All I had to do was take his mouth once more and he'd be mine. I’d finally be able to get him out of my system.
And yet, I still couldn't make myself seek out his mouth again. What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted him and he wanted me. It didn't get any simpler than that. So why the fuck was I hesitating?
I let out a muffled curse that was directed at myself more than anything else. I released the hold I had on Sam's hair and then dropped my arm from his waist, forcing Sam to let go of me. I still had my mouth near his ear. I told myself to just whisper an apology to him and get the hell out of there, but Sam chose that moment to turn his head. Then, suddenly, his mouth was on mine. I was so surprised, I didn't kiss him back right away.
"Matias," he whispered. "Please…"
It was the permission my mind and body needed to silence that little niggle. I opened my mouth over Sam's and wrapped both arms around him then drew him forward so our bodies were perfectly aligned. Sam moaned and opened for me when my tongue licked over the seam of his lips. Any doubts I might have had that he wasn't an active participant were wiped out when his tongue met mine and he eagerly kissed me back. Sam's hands were pressed to my chest, but they didn't stay there long. As the kiss intensified, his fingers skimmed over my pecs and then he was sliding his arms beneath mine so he could dig his fingers into my back.
Then things went into overdrive.
Sam's long fingers carded through my hair as he held me in place and took over the kiss. I was happy to cede control to him because it wasn't just his mouth that was consuming me. His entire body was engaged with mine. His hands were skimming up and down my back as he ground his hips against mine. The telltale sign of his erection only heightened my desire, but somehow I managed to let Sam continue to take the lead.
But that only lasted long enough for him to say my name again in that breathy way of his… the way that went directly to my dick. I let out what I could only classify as a growl as I grabbed the back of his neck and held him still while I took over the kiss. I walked him backwards several steps until his back hit the wall next to his kid’s bed. The added leverage drove my need up to a whole new level. I drank from his mouth like my very life depended on it. I couldn't remember even a single time that I'd been this possessed by a mere kiss. I'd been having sex since my early teens and kissing had always been at the bottom of my list of things to do when it came to foreplay. But with Sam, kissing might as well have been the main act. I was so hard that I suspected I could easily come just from fucking his mouth with my tongue the way I wanted to fuck his body with my cock. And based on Sam's reaction, he was equally as caught up in the way our mouths moved against one another.
Fortunately, Sam was so on board with what was happening that I didn't need to limit myself to just taking his mouth. I slipped a hand between the wall and his ass and pulled his hips forward so his groin was pressed against mine. I used my hand to control both the pressure and the pace as I began grinding against him. It didn't take long for Sam to take over and make my hand on his ass unnecessary. The heat in my body made it feel like I was going to go up in flames. It was too much too fast, but I still managed to maintain control of myself.
I couldn't say the same for Sam.
He was hanging on to me for dear life as he desperately pumped his dick against mine. Even through two layers of fabric, I could tell that he was as hard as me, if not harder. Based on the little cries that were falling from his lips even as he tried to continue to kiss me back, I suspected he was in even worse shape than me when it came to needing to find a release. I was proven right when Sam ripped his mouth from mine and looked down between our bodies. Then his crazed eyes looked at mine and he cried out, "Matias?"
He sounded so confused and scared that I actually considered stopping the whole thing. But I knew that wasn't what he really needed. I'd never had a guy get so lost in the need to come as Sam was right then. With any other guy, I might've enjoyed teasing him and drawing things out, but listening to Sam's little half sobs as he desperately tried to get himself off using my body wasn't something I was even remotely interested in doing. I had to give Sam what he needed like I needed to take my next breath.