Except I knew, deep down.
It didn’t feel like lunch. It was more like a date.
I wiped my lips with my napkin and placed it on the wooden table. “What’s happening here?” I said quietly.
Chandler jerked his head up from his plate. “We’re having lunch,” he said simply.
“That’s not what I’m referring to, and you know it.” I indicated both of us. “What’s happening… here? With us?”
He expelled a breath. “Then it’s not just me.”
Christ, he felt it too.
I emptied the remnants of the wine bottle into our glasses, then took a drink. “This wasn’t what I wanted.”
“I know that.” Chandler sat so still. “I got the message loud and clear right from the start. But…”
“But?”
He shrugged. “Feels like something’s changed.” He swallowed. “Look, I knew from the outset this was just sex, okay? And that was fine by me. Fuck knows, I’ve lusted after you for long enough.”
Despite the knots in my stomach, I had to smile. “Oh really? Now it all comes out.”
Chandler rolled his eyes. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?” He leaned forward, his voice low. “You are fucking gorgeous.”
“Compliment accepted. And ditto, by the way.”
He flushed, settling back into his chair.
“Now tell me what’s changed.”
Chandler ran his finger down the stem of his wine glass, his gaze focused on it. “I guess… I got to see more of you.”
I smirked. “Indeed you did. In my office, on the boardroom table…”
“I’m talking about the stuff I learned about you. The insights I got into what makes you tick. I saw Stu Ganford the man, not the boss. I… I saw someone who maybe wanted what I wanted.”
“And what was that?” My voice had a raw edge to it that I didn’t recognize.
“More than a stream of hook-ups. More than just sex. Maybe even…” His gaze flickered upward to meet mine. “A relationship.”
My heart was racing. “I see.”
Chandler’s breathing quickened. “Am I wrong? Have I misread the signs? Because if that’s the case, I’ll—”
I held up my hand, and he fell silent. I took a deep breath. “It’s been a week, Chandler.”
His face fell. “I know.”
“One week.”
“Yeah.”
“And the only thing different is we’ve fucked.”
“Oh yeah?” His eyes blazed. “I came to your apartment. We talked. We had dinner. And last night and this morning didn’t feel like fucking.”
He had me there. Because I felt the same way.
“So tell me. Am I wrong?” He locked gazes with me.
I seized every ounce of courage and hope I could find. “No, you’re not wrong.”
He blinked. Blinked again. “Say what?”
I sighed. “Do you know how long it’s been since I kissed a guy? Too long. As for having a guy in my bed? Even longer. And yet in the last eighteen hours, I’ve experienced both those things. With you. That has to mean something, right?” I managed a smile, but inside my heart was pounding.
I was about to open myself up to someone, to lay myself bare, and it was scary as fuck.
“And what if it doesn’t work out? What if it all goes tits up? What if—”
I didn’t give a fuck about our surroundings. I leaned in swiftly and stopped his questions with a kiss. Chandler froze for all of one second, then melted, a soft noise escaping his lips.
That sound undid me. Because I was the cause of it. And damn it, kissing Chandler felt right, more right than anything I’d ever experienced.
When I drew back, I sighed again. “Believe me, I’m as scared as you are. I know none of this is logical. I know it feels fast. And believe me, there’s a voice in my head right this second screaming, ‘what the fuck are you doing?’”
He laughed. “I think that voice has a brother. He’s in my head.” Then his expression grew serious. “So why am I not listening to it?”
I couldn’t speak for Chandler, but I knew damn well why I was ignoring it. “I’ve done the keeping-my-heart-safe thing, and it’s lonely as hell. So maybe it’s time to ignore logic and go with what my heart is telling me.” Words I’d never uttered my entire life.
“And what is it telling you?”
I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “To take a chance on you. On us.” Now that I’d said the words, I knew they were the right ones.
His face softened. “Oh wow. But…can we do that? I mean, working together?”
And that was where it got tricky.
“Stu?”
I released his hand. “There’s nothing in the rules that say I can’t date an employee.” Was there? I had no idea. I didn’t get involved in HR. That was Hugh Peters’s domain, and I left him to it.
“You sure about that?” Chandler didn’t look convinced.
“No, but I’ll take a look.” That translated as I’d get Hugh to take a look. Maybe.
“And in the meantime? What happens at work?”
That part was easy. “We do what we did all last week—we don’t draw attention to ourselves.”
He widened his eyes. “And what about what we were doing all last week? Does that continue?”
I grinned. “After work meetings in my office to discuss your… performance, Mr. Mitchell? Oh, I don’t see why not. Once everyone else has vacated the building, of course.”
Chandler shook his head. “We could just meet up at your place or mine, you know. Outside of work. You know, like a normal couple.”
A couple. I guess there was no ignoring that fact anymore. We were a couple.
Damn, that felt good.
I raised a finger. “Two points I must take issue with. One, yes we could meet up outside of work, but where would be the fun in that? Didn’t you love the thrill of Dean almost catching you with my dick down your throat?”
“I’m not sure ‘thrill’ is the word I’d use,” he murmured. “And what’s your second point?”
I grinned. “Since when could either of us be described as normal?” He rolled his eyes. I took hold of his hand again. “But maybe this is where I should mention that I really, really like the idea of staying the night at your place, or waking up with you in my bed. So maybe we should carry on, but see each other outside of work too.”
“Sounds greedy,” he said with a chuckle.
“Like I care.” I signaled the server to bring the check.
“Isn’t it my turn to pay?” Chandler’s eyes sparkled. “Seeing as we’re a couple and all.”
I leaned back in my chair. “Fine. I’m not going to argue.”
His satisfied smile made me feel amazing.
As we walked away from the bar, I realized how light I felt. All this time, all that was missing was a guy in my life.
Except that wasn’t quite accurate.
All that had been missing was Chandler.
I called for an Uber, and we waited by the roadside. “So what are we doing now?” he asked.