‘With you?’ I gazed up at him, dumbfounded. Why would he want to go to lunch with me?
‘No, with Barack Obama.’ Joshua laughed. So Australians could do sarcasm, too. ‘Yes, with me.’ He smiled again. ‘Unless you’d still rather I was Jamie?’ He laughed at the memory, at the crazy English girl mistaking him for a cold hard stunner. Yes, I wished he was Jamie. Things would be so much simpler if he was Jamie. And Sam was just Sam.
‘And Sam,’ Joshua added, as if he had just read my mind. I looked into his piercing blue eyes again, scared by how much they seemed to see. ‘I’m heading over to meet him in Woolloomooloo now,’ he continued. Sam never used to get lunch, he never used to have the time. But then again, he never used to work in a surgery. He never used to live in Sydney. Jamie was right; things did change, some things at least.
‘Woolloo-what?’ I spluttered before I could stop myself. Joshua laughed loudly, placing a sun-kissed hand to his forehead in feigned despair.
‘It’s across town.’ Joshua smiled again, his eyes brighter in the midday light; the rest of Sydney remained grey.
‘Won’t he be a bit surprised I’m there?’ I asked. How the hell was I going to get a job by sitting around eating pancakes and going out for lunch all the time?
‘Not as surprised as yesterday.’ Joshua said, eyebrows raised. ‘In a good way, obviously,’ he added.
Joshua beckoned to me to follow, back towards Sam. Maybe it was more obvious than I dared let myself think.
Chapter 8
‘Jess.’ Sam’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘What the—’ he began, looking from Joshua to me with something like suspicion as we approached the tiny café they had chosen for lunch. The light grey awning highlighted the casual suit Sam had chosen to wear for work. He wore his shirt collar open and looked better here, more chilled, at ease.
‘Look who I found loitering around Art—’ Joshua seemed to stop himself upon seeing my stare, desperate for him not to paint me on the wrong side of their offices. I held his gaze, not sure how he could possibly know the truth about me, but sure he could see it, somehow.
‘And I thought Jess could join us for lunch, give you guys some time to catch up.’ Joshua explained as I looked across at Sam’s baffled expression, trying to work out what he was thinking. We already had time to catch up. Ample. I was staying at his. Unless he meant without Jamie? There had been so much he wanted to tell me. I looked from Sam to Joshua, unsure as to whether Sam was going to tell me here.
‘Perfect,’ Sam said, forcing a smile. Clearly, now wasn’t the time. He began to lead the way to our table, pulling out a chair for me as I tried not to look confused by his chivalry. He was either overcompensating for the situation or trying to impress me all over again. Joshua sat beside me. I looked around the intimate space, the bright flowers blooming against its exposed brick backdrop, a beauty in the brokenness I couldn’t even hope to achieve.
‘How’s your morning been, mate?’ Joshua beamed at Sam. I looked between them, Sam in his suit, Joshua in his worn T-shirt. It was as if the two sides of Sam had finally stopped wrestling, taking up residence in two separate bodies.
‘Yeah, good.’ Sam pretty much dismissed the comment, turning his attention to me.
‘How’s your morning been? Jamie said you’d headed over to the magazine?’
They couldn’t stomach sleeping in the same room but maintained a constant stream of messages? I cast aside the thought. Sam would tell me everything, I was sure of it – just as soon as he had the chance.
‘Yeah, good.’ I matched Sam’s short replies, neither one of us wanting to give much away. ‘I’d say Joshua’s had the best morning of all.’ I looked down at his casual attire with a playful smile. Clearly, he wasn’t stuck in a surgery or an office. ‘What is it you do again?’
‘I’m a youth worker,’ he replied, his giddy smile clearly indicating that he thought it was the best job in the world. Before he could tell me more, the waiter interrupted. ‘Flat white and a club sandwich for me, please,’ Joshua said, as I picked up the menu I hadn’t managed to look at yet.
‘A youth worker?’ I asked, Joshua clearly impressed by my interest.
‘Another flat white please and can I have the quinoa salad?’ Sam ordered, his sentence cutting through Joshua’s attempt to reply. In all the years I’d known him he’d never ordered a salad. I forced my attention back to my menu.
‘Iced latte and a bacon and avocado sub,’ Sam said to the waiter, smiling at me. ‘That’s what you want, right?’ he checked, already knowing the answer.
‘Yes,’ I said, not sure why Sam looked so proud. ‘So, Joshua.’ I redirected my attention, still not knowing if Sam was on the menu. ‘What does a youth worker do?’
‘A youth worker? Well, we work with youth,’ he replied, grin unwavering. I laughed out loud, taking a sip of the iced water on the table in front of me.
‘No, but seriously,’ I said, laughing into my glass. Out of the corner of my eye, I could sense Sam’s eyes on me. ‘Like, what does a normal day look like for you?’
‘Usually a lot of milkshakes with young people who are struggling with school or life outside of it,’ he went on, proud but not boastful.
‘Like mentoring?’ I asked, not wanting to sound so dumb but distracted somehow by Sam’s awkward body language, shuffling and stiffening across from me.
‘Exactly like mentoring…’ He laughed and I couldn’t help but be invited in.
‘How’s Zoe?’ Sam’s voice cut through our conversation.
‘Oh, erm,’ I stuttered, not quite sure where the question had come from. Joshua looked down at his lunch, seemingly shrugging off the conversation’s change in direction; something told me he wasn’t easily ruffled. I took a bite of my sandwich as I studied Sam’s expression.
‘She’s great,’ I replied, unsure as to why Sam wanted to steer the conversation away from Sydney and back to our past. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was jealous. ‘Great,’ I repeated. At least I thought she was; we hadn’t talked since last week and even then, I had painted her a picture much prettier than my current reality.
‘Still partying her way across London?’ Sam joked.
‘No, actually. She’s all settled down with Ben, bought a house just outside the city.’ I smiled, willing my own envy not to escape through the words.
‘You’re kidding?’ Sam laughed, Joshua’s attention fully on his own lunch now that Sam had eaten into our conversation.
‘Nope.’ Although a small part of me wished I was. I was happy for her, obviously. I just kind of wished she was happy here with me, still making memories, out on some misadventure. Like we always said we would before she started to change and I remained the same.
‘Wow,’ Sam said. ‘I always knew she’d get there.’ His eyes caught mine. We thought we’d get there too. Now I don’t even have a map. ‘Remember when she always talked about travelling here?’ Sam continued. I did. A little too vividly. ‘I actually thought I saw her last August but knew it wasn’t the right time.’