you—’”
“‘You’re looking at him …’” All five of us sang the rest of the chorus.
“‘Can’t Look Back?’ Oh, I loved that song!” Roxy burst out excitedly before calming herself. “Not that I would ever admit it,” she added flatly. She reached for her phone. The white glow from the screen illuminated her face. “‘Erik Jones had a U.S. number one hit for ten weeks,’ blah blah, ‘Trouble with manager.’ Hasn’t been heard of since.” She lowered her phone. “I totally remember that guy. He was so hot.”
“Did you know him?” Suzie asked me.
“Oh, gosh no. He was older—a counselor by the time I went. Then he got so huge. He was already on his way to being somebody, but after that song happened, he exploded.”
“Crazy,” Blithe said.
“You were obsessed with that song.”
“Oh my God. Shut up, Gretchen.” Heat flooded my cheeks. “No more booze for you.”
“Come on, it’s adorable. You would listen to it all the time back then.”
Truthfully, I still did from time to time.
“First of all, he was only eighteen when that song came out, but he was super talented. He was a musical virtuoso at camp. Also, we aren’t talking about this. When will you let my embarrassing tween obsession die?”
Not tween—teen. And if I was being honest, I’d still probably squeal and flap my hands with big sloppy tears if he held a concert.
“Never. I will never let that die. That’s what friends do. They keep you humble by rehashing your most embarrassing memories. Preferably at the absolute worst times.” Gretchen blew me a kiss.
I tilted my head with a wry smile. “Gee, thanks.”
“Will someone play the song before I lose my clucking mind? Otherwise, it’ll be stuck in my head all week.” Suzie’s voice got higher with impatience.
“I haven’t heard this in forever,” Roxy said as music from her phone filled the air.
As though we’d rehearsed it, we all started singing the chorus and throwing our arms out. “‘But you, you’re looking at him.’”
Instantly, I was filled with a soothing reassurance that only thinking of your most adolescent feelings can resurrect; when everything felt so bright and shiny and possible. It was hokey and angsty—everything a sixteen-year-old girl needed. We all had that song that lifted us in our darkest mood. That song will forever remind me of the happy times before camp ended the way it did.
“It’s all very dramatic,” Roxy said over the song.
“Oh, you love it.” Blithe poked her shoulder.
When the music stopped, I had hoped the previous topic would have been abandoned. Not likely with Gretchen around.
“Okay, the notes. Explain.” Like a hound dog on scent, that one.
“Fine.” I made a face at her. “Roddy was first chair violin and basically the quarterback of the symphony.”
“Heh. Nerds.”
I shook my head at Gretchen.
“He was very popular—everyone loved him. They were drawn to him, really. He’d play Oasis on his guitar at night around the campfire and we’d all swoon. He was just inherently cool, you know? When we started hanging out, I felt like somebody. It was just in the summers, and totally innocent. Though I did get to second base with him once on a boat.” I wiggled my eyebrows saucily.
I kept my tone light, leaving out the memories I preferred not to think about. I never talked about the dark side of my last summer there. I didn’t want to be the one that still felt broken.
“Summer love,” Roxy said dryly.
“What about the notes then?” Suzie asked.
“Oh. All the time, he left me these notes about my playing in my cello case.”
Gretchen had gone a whole two minutes without talking so she felt the need to say, “She still has them. They’re mean.”
“They were helpful,” I corrected. “He was the only one who didn’t suck up to me or treat me like this delicate flower. I liked it.”
“She was obsessed.”
I had a shoebox with all of them still in my closet. It would be a toss-up between that box and my cello if the house caught on fire and I could only save one. Honestly, the cello could be replaced. Those notes though? They got me through the worst times. Through rehab. I knew it was silly. I knew I was a romantic, but there was something about always knowing somebody believed in me that gave me strength.
“So romantic,” Blithe said on a yawn. “And now he’s back.”
“He said he wants to get to know me again,” I explained.
“Is that what you want?” Roxy asked.
“I think so, but I need to focus on helping Devlin first.”
“I’m glad to see you doing this,” Gretchen said with rare sincerity. “A little change of pace might be good.”
“I know we didn’t know each other until after high school. But I knew of you. You were so motivated back then. I was always so envious that you knew exactly what you wanted. I didn’t even know what shampoo I liked yet.” Blithe frowned at her empty glass.
I smiled but dread coiled deep in my belly. The Kim I was in high school was long gone. I hadn’t been her since before Jethro and rehab. I hated sounding whiny. I was fine being where I was. I was pretty happy—mostly.
“I’m just glad that you’re safe,” Suzie said.
Suzie had been taken by a violent biker gang once and, understandably, still carried that with her. I squeezed her foot. She looked up and we shared a smile.
“Me too. I mean, I guess I was taken, but platinum style,” I teased.
“I had my doubts,” Roxy said. “Who just whisks you off to their mansion in the mountains with a large underground crypt that was converted to a lair?”
“It was never a crypt, and it’s not a lair now. It’s a music room. It’s amazing,” I said.
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.” Roxy flipped out a hand.
“Still, I doubt a kidnapper would invite your closest friends to hang out and eat fancy finger foods,” Gretchen said. “I have more questions.”
“Of course you do,” I said.
“I thought we hated Devlin?” Gretchen said.
“I never said that. I said he was tough.”
“And he’s not anymore?” Suzie asked.
“No, no. He’s still prickly.” His tough guy act had always seemed so thin to me. Even when he yelled, it was like he was scared.
“But?” Roxy asked.
“But what?”
“I felt a ‘but’ coming,” she said.
“Me too,” Blithe added.
“There’s a joke there that I’m not gonna touch.” Gretchen picked at a cuticle.
“Okay, buuut,” I dragged out the word. I debated sharing what he said about me inspiring him, but was worried it wouldn’t mean the same to them out of context. “It’s nice to be challenged sometimes. If that makes sense.”
“Totally,” Suzie said on a wistful sigh.
Gretchen threw a grape at Suzie’s head. “Ugh. Nobody wants to hear from you.”
“Why? What did I do?”