“I thought you went swimming with gym bro?”
“I did, for a bit. But then Kyle came and stole me away. It would have been kinda cute and romantic if he hadn’t been simply trying to protect the bosses’ niece from the predatory frat boy.”
“I’m sure that was not his only motivation.”
“Maybe not,” she shrugged, dismissing the suggestion. “But enough about him. You promised you wouldn't let me drone on about him anymore. And goodness, after he held me while we were swimming today, I could probably talk about him forever.”
“He held you?” Leona asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
“Right before it was time to get back in the boat. Pulled me into him and told me he didn’t want to stop swimming. It was nothing. It was just that we haven’t had a chance to go snorkeling, just us, in months, so it was a nice break from having to deal with guests all the time. It was a ‘you’re my best buddy’ kind of thing, not a ‘I’m secretly in love with you’ kind of thing.”
“Still, that’s super sweet.”
“It was, and it’s just enough to continue to fuel my happily ever after fantasies. But, really, enough about Kyle.”
“Being around him all day isn’t going to help you stop thinking about it,” Leona said.
“I know, but it is kinda my job.”
“What about your big idea? Have you brought it up to your uncles yet?”
“Ha, ha...no,” Drea answered her.
“Why not? I think it would be so awesome! A spa is exactly what we need around here!”
“I don’t want to stir the pot,” she said, sighing. “Everything is in the works for Uncle Gray to add in more adventure stuff and excursions, so me bringing up that I want to add on what would basically be an entire new department is not going to go over well.”
“So maybe it’s not a now thing,” she suggested, “but a someday thing. I think you’re crazy for not telling them.”
"Well, maybe someday I’ll bring it up, but for now, it remains a fantasy. Tucked up in there right next to Kyle,” she replied. “Oh my God, I did it again. I’m talking about him. Make me stop!”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, you’re not the only one with a weird guest encounter today,” Leona said, thankfully changing the subject.
“Do tell.”
“So, you know how your Uncle Vaughn requires me to do those random room checks, so I’m basically secret shopping my housekeepers?” Drea nodded. “So, the best way I have found to truly randomly choose which rooms I hit up is to use one of those number generator things off the internet. I put in the range and let it kick out six or so numbers and then as long as I haven’t hit that room up in the last ninety days or so, I put it on the list. So on today’s list pops up 1122.”
“That’s a fun number.”
“Right? I kinda thought so too. So I’m making my rounds, checking up on things. I stopped to talk to Carmella at one point, and made my way to 1122. As is standard, I checked the indicator light above the door, and it doesn't show that the room is currently occupied. But you and I have both been around this stuff long enough to know that people don’t always put their keycards into the socket like they should, especially in the daytime when they don’t need the lights to turn on. So I knocked. I knocked, Drea, multiple times. Even did the stereotypical ‘housekeeping!’ call. Nothing, no response.”
“Okay, so, I take it the room wasn’t empty?”
“I walk in, pretty confident at this point that the room is vacant. I don’t actually check that when I pull numbers, because technically it doesn’t matter, right? So I walk in, and there, sitting on the edge of the bed, straddling the corner that faces the door, is this dude. Jacking off.”
“NO!”
“Oh yes,” she continued. “Just sitting there, dick in hand, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Just stroking away! And we’re not talking Dalton-level looks here, where if you walked in on this there is a part of you that would be like “well, maybe I should take over!” No, we’re talking old and hairy.”
“How old? Like, wrinkly ballsack old?” Drea asked, a disgusted look on her face.
“Like wrinkly ballsack old. I’m pretty sure his wrinkles had wrinkles.”
“What’d you do?”
“What do you mean what did I do? I sputtered out an apology and backed out of the room as quickly as I could. Then considered rinsing out my eyes with bleach.”
“Oh my God, that’s...that’s….wow. That tops gym bro for sure!” Drea said, laughing.
“And what’s worse, it was like he wasn’t even fazed that I walked in. Almost like he sat in that exact spot hoping he would be caught. I will never be able to unsee this!”
Drea clutched her middle trying to control her laughter. Housekeeping was a beast of its own—having to maintain ridiculous standards of cleanliness and professionalism, working very hard to be damn near invisible, all while having unfettered access to strangers’ personal belongings and weird little glimpses into how they lived their lives. Guests brought a wide range of items with them on vacation, and left just as wide a range of them behind when they left. There were the everyday standards of wallets, keys, phones, and laptop cords, and even your miscellaneous vibrator wasn’t that uncommon these days.
Having been in this role for almost ten years, Leona had had some strange encounters with guests over the years, and had found some seriously strange items left behind in rooms. She kept a list posted in her office next to her desk of the top ten things she and her team had run across over the years: a prosthetic limb, an urn (complete with ashes), a bag full of sequential hundred-dollar bills totaling almost sixty thousand dollars, a journal with detailed entries of this guest’s love of brussels sprouts, and a kitten (although that person had been kind enough to leave a note and an extra large tip) made appearances on the list. The number one spot had long been occupied by what the girls simply referred to as “the duck pond,'' referring to the time they walked into a suite to find the bathtub filled with water and seven ducklings swimming around.
Just when Drea thought she was going to be able to catch her breath, the office door flew open, causing both women to jump and burst back into giggles. Vaughn Quinlan stuck just his head into the office, looking back and forth between his niece and her best friend.
“I should tell you to stop laughing and get back to work,” he said. “But I know better than to think you two would listen to me.”
“Hey, Uncle Vaughn. Need one of us?” Drea asked.
“Nope, just looking for Simone. She said she wanted dinner before the bonfire, but I can’t find her.”
“Did you try the kitchen?” Leona asked. “I feel like every time I see her she’s either in your office or there.”
“That is where I am headed next, although maybe it’s where I should have started. Knowing her she’s probably in there harassing Miller and his staff about exactly how she wants something sautéed. Okay, back to work, you two.” He winked and closed the door as he backed out.