I’m running a lot . . . funnily enough I don’t need to pretend a man with an ax is chasing me. I’m so angry that I can’t help but sprint.
Gleeful jogging is no longer in my repertoire. The bus slows. I close my Kindle and stand as I wait for the bus to stop. I climb down the steps and begin to walk the two blocks to my apartment. The season is getting colder. Fog puffs as I breathe, and I wrap my large coat around me for warmth as I stride it out.
I might have Indian for dinner. No . . . stick to your budget; there are leftovers in the fridge from last night. I approach my building and fumble around in my bag for my keys.
“Hello, Em,” a voice says from behind me.
I turn, startled. Jameson stands before me, and the sight of him tightens my chest. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes search mine. “I had to see you.”
The sight of him brings an unexpected wave of emotion that I previously thought I had under control. I stare at him through tears.
He carefully steps forward. “How are you?”
Suddenly, I’m furious . . . like a raging bull, and I drop my head and fumble through my bag. I need to get away from him. Where are my fucking keys? “Fine,” I snap. I find my keys and turn toward the door.
“I miss you.”
I stop and close my eyes.
“I can’t . . .” He pauses. “I can’t move on until I know we’re okay.”
I frown and turn back toward him.
His face is pained, and he appears nervous.
Our eyes are locked, mine filled with tears . . . his with regret. He turns back and looks at his car, which I didn’t notice parked in the dark. “I brought you something.”
He nearly runs to the car and then retrieves a huge bouquet of yellow roses and walks back and passes them to me.
I stare at him in confusion. “Yellow roses?”
He smiles softly. “Yellow roses are supposed to symbolize friendship.”
“You want to be my friend?”
He nods hopefully. “We can start fresh?”
Something snaps deep inside of me. “You’ve got a fucking nerve,” I sneer.
His face falls.
“You waltz back here after breaking my fucking heart and give me yellow fucking roses!” I scream.
He steps back, shocked by my venom.
“I wouldn’t be friends with a selfish prick like you if you were the last fucking person on earth!” I yell as the angry tears run down my face. I completely lose control and start ripping the roses to shreds, and I break the heads and smash them up and then throw them on the ground and jump and stomp on them. I want to hurt these stupid roses like he’s hurt me.
His haunted eyes watch on.
Adrenaline is coursing through my body, and still unsatisfied with the state of the roses, I pick them up and walk out to the road and throw them as hard as I can out onto the asphalt. A passing bus runs them over.
“That’s what you can do with your friendship,” I sneer as I stomp past him.
I open the door and walk into the building without looking back. I hit the elevator button with force, and I can see him standing at the glass door, watching me, in my peripheral vision. Tears are streaming down my face, and I’m furious that I let him see how crazy I am.
How crazy he’s made me.
The elevator doors open, and I march in and hit the door button.
The doors close, and I screw up my face in tears and sob out loud.
Damn you, Jameson Miles . . .
Chapter 24
There are moments in your life that you know you will remember forever.
Certain situations that are poignant and have shaped who you are.
Last night was one of them.
What kind of psycho rips roses to shreds with her bare hands while screaming like a lunatic? Shame runs through me.
This . . . is the level I’ve stooped to.
Strangely enough, last night was the first time I’ve slept well in weeks. As if releasing a little of the steam in the pressure cooker has somehow calmed my soul.
I don’t feel guilty for being so mean . . . normally, I would. But Jameson Miles is an enigma all of his own . . . one that I can no longer pity.
“I wouldn’t be friends with a selfish prick like you if you were the last person left on earth,” I said . . . screamed actually. It was a mean thing to say—the worst—but he got what he fucking deserved. The doors of the elevator in my building open, and I step out into the foyer and walk out into the street.
“What the hell happened here?” I hear the woman in front of me mutter under her breath as she stops and looks around at the carnage.
There are yellow rose petals strewn everywhere; flower buds that are squashed and bruised lie on the concrete. Out on the road the carcass of the flattened bouquet with the big cream satin bow lies.
Jesus . . .
I drop my head and stomp past the crazy. I glance up at the ceiling to see where the cameras are. I wonder if anyone saw it on the security footage.
I hope not . . . how embarrassing.
I get on my bus and open my Kindle. I’m not reading my usual rom-com genre. I can’t stand the thought of all that love bullshit. I’m mixing it up and reading Pet Sematary—maybe that’s it. Maybe Steven King is taking me to the dark side. The side where you don’t take shit, and payback on yellow roses is due.
Good for him . . . bring it the fuck on. I swipe to the next page.
Every dog has its day.
Jameson
I sip my coffee as I sit in the café across the street from Miles Media. I’ve been coming here the last few days before work. Alan told me that Emily used to come here with her friends. I’m hoping to run into one of them.
Why? I don’t know.
Emily’s words from last night are playing over and over in my mind.
I wouldn’t be friends with a selfish prick like you if you were the last person on earth . . . I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either if I were her.
I’ve never seen her so angry . . . or thin. She’s lost a lot of weight. I hate that I’ve put her through this shit.
I sip my coffee, and I feel a hand rest on my shoulder.
“Hey,” Tristan says as he sits down beside me on a stool.
“Hi.”
“Looking for Emily?” he says casually.
“Nope.”
“Liar,” he replies with a cheeky grin. “Hey, the boys and I have organized a trip to Vegas for us this weekend. The jet’s all lined up.”
I screw up my face. I could think of nothing worse.
“It’ll be great. Drinking, gambling. Join some beautiful women to the Miles-High Club. You need to snap out of this and get back on the horse. I’m thinking a blonde or two . . . forget about the brunettes for a while, and besides, we need to celebrate your innocence. Elliot and Christopher fly in on Friday.” He winks as he tries to sweeten the deal.
“Yeah, that sounds completely shit,” I mutter dryly.
“I don’t care what you say. You’re coming.”
I stare straight ahead. I’ve lost the ability to get excited about anything lately.
He falls serious. “I’m worried about you, Jay.”
I roll my eyes.
“We all are. You’re acting completely out of character.”
“I’m fine,” I murmur into my coffee. I look around once more, remembering why I’m here.