“Well, Aunt Viv, if I were a betting woman, which I swear to God I’m not”—Aunt Viv detests gambling—“I would bet on the Goldens. I can’t think of a time since I’ve been at Fairchild that we didn’t take two dads.”
“Now, that’s not true. Remember those large fellows with the thick Russian accents you could barely understand? For a whole year every time I came by your office I had to listen to Roan talk in a Russian accent and ask if I knew how to make piroshkies. Those men had a son and you didn’t take him.”
“Aunt Viv, they weren’t gay, they were brothers. They just wore too much jewelry. Anyway, we didn’t take their kid because SFPD came to Fairchild looking for information we had on them. Turns out they were part of an underground Russian mob out of Moscow that had been steadily growing in the Bay Area for over a decade.”
“Okay, so they were brothers, but still you didn’t take them is all I’m sayin’. So, unless you plan on startin’ to do more of the cookin’ and cleanin’ around the house I strongly suggest you find love in your heart for the Golden family.” Ohhh I hate it when Aunt Viv threatens me with going on a cooking strike. Laundry and vacuuming I can handle, dinner not so much. “And don’t touch the coffee cake, it’s not for you.” Aunt Viv throws the shredded Kleenex in my garbage, kisses my forehead, and gives me a good look up and down. “You look nice today, Josephine. Your hair’s all laid and lookin’ pretty.” A compliment from Nan and Aunt Viv in one day, now I know pigs fly and hell could possibly freeze over. If Golden Boy isn’t a foodie, hopefully he’s a designer diva and I can get another fashion compliment for the trifecta win. As I begin to preen just a little, Aunt Viv follows up her compliment with, “Cuz yesterday ya had cookabugs hangin’ from them dreads. Now stand up straight like I bothered to teach you anything.” As orderly as she arrived, Aunt Viv walks out my office door, with perfect posture, I note.
I check my e-mail in the five minutes I have before the Goldens show up.
FROM: Yu Yan (Helen) Wu
DATE: November 14, 2018
SUBJECT: Liu family of Shanghai
TO: Josephine Bordelon
Hello, Josephine,
Lovely to make your acquaintance. I am Helen Wu, senior partner at Admit International, Hong Kong office, and I am the educational consultant for the Liu family of Shanghai. The Liu family will be moving to San Francisco in two months’ time, though the head of the household, Wang Wei Liu, will be spending most of his time at his multinational company based in China. The Liu family purchased the Greek consulate two blocks from Fairchild and they have spent three years refurbishing the building to create an acceptable home for a family of such international renown.
Now that the house is complete, the Lius need to find a reputable school for their children. One boy. One girl. Twins. The children will be entering the American equivalent of grade nine.
A colleague of mine in Singapore shared with the Liu family that Fairchild Country Day School is an academically rigorous and highly regarded school with students eventually matriculating into Ivy League universities. This pleases Mr. Liu greatly and he would like me to share with you that his children have been raised with impeccable manners, can sit and focus for extended periods of time, are fluent in the Queen’s English, and will be studying hard to ensure acceptance into Harvard University.
Since Harvard is the number one university choice for his children, Mr. Liu would like you to send to me, and I will forward to him, your statistics on Fairchild graduates attending Ivy League universities for the past twenty years. Mr. Liu is well informed that Stanford is an internationally recognized university, but he prefers a school with a longer-standing history of excellence and tradition.
Please inform me, within the next forty-eight hours, as to the correct immediate application steps for the Liu family.
Thank you for your attention to this important matter.
Yu Yan (Helen) Wu
EDUCATION CONSULTANT
ADMIT INTERNATIONAL, HONG KONG
Every year during tours parents ask me what are the biggest trends I am seeing in private school admissions. I don’t tell them the truth. It would be too deflating and, frankly, possibly make me sound a bit racist. But here it is. Mad-rich Asians who are gunning for an Ivy League college education so they can return home to Shanghai, Beijing, or Shenzhen and build multibillion-dollar companies in the wild, wild East that is currently the economic climate in China. The Chinese are moving to the West Coast in droves, gobbling up the best real estate with cash, and flooding private schools with the equivalent of professional students. The wealth of the parents and the drive of the children are astounding. I get at least one or two e-mails from a Chinese education consultant a week. A few years ago, I thought these e-mails were a scam, but after a three-year trend of more than twenty families applying to Fairchild a year from China, this is no scam, this trend is the real deal. I search my sent box for a similar reply I wrote a few weeks ago to another consultant from Shenzhen—copy, paste, and send. I know in less than twelve hours I will receive a perfectly manicured application from Helen Wu on behalf of the Liu family.
Roan blows into my office in a flurry.
“They’re here! How do I look? Would you cheat on your husband with me if you were Golden Boy? Or maybe Golden Boy has a gay Golden brother?” Roan has temporarily gone insane thinking he’s at the club with his friends and not talking to his boss. I love it.
“Slow down there, Grinder Greg. You’re at work. Pull yourself together. And more important, pretend you have some sense in that head and don’t embarrass me.” I stand up to straighten my blouse and adjust a few locks so you can see a hint of my glittering chandelier earrings. There’s little better than being showered with clothing compliments from a couple of queens. “Bring Mama some gold!” I strut over to pose by the couch, feeling my stock rise.
“Terrible play on words.” Roan smirks and exits my office. My stock plummets. I thought it was pretty good.
“Josie, nice to see you again.” Daniel walks in first, clearly excited to get the interview started. “Please pardon Ty, he rushed here from the hospital and didn’t have time to change out of his scrubs. He told me about the coincidence of being your aunt’s doctor. I hope she’s doing well, or at least getting better.”
“Thank you for asking. She is back at school and close to being 100 percent her old self. And no need to apologize for your husband, there are no admission points given for best dressed.” Daniel and Ty smile at me. I allow for a pause after the easy opening that I lobbed them for a compliment on my outfit. Not a peep. Really? Nothing? No comment on how utterly fabulous I look? How can they be gay and have nothing to say, not even on the shoes? I’ve been spoiled by Roan, who notices everything about me. The good and the bad.
“I see Aunt Viv delivered on her promise. I haven’t eaten since five a.m. Hope it’s okay if I dive right in.” Not waiting for an invitation to help himself, Golden Boy grabs a napkin and the two biggest pieces of coffee cake. He devours the first piece in two bites, a trickle of cinnamon crumbs decorating my carpet. How does he eat like that and look like this? I glance away for a moment to give him privacy to wipe his mouth.