We just sat there for a few minutes.
“Don’t tell Jaime, but I’ve been visiting Ellen, okay? I want my Xanthe Love back,” I said once I’d stopped panting.
Ricki’s eyes bugged at me. “What?”
I nodded. “I just want her back. I’m not going anywhere, so get used to it. I’ll wear the woman down if I have to. If you tell Jaime you busted me sneaking out of Ellen’s bedroom, you’ll get her into trouble.”
“Her bedroom?”
“Yeah. We got stoned and had coffee. Now, shut it, or we’re all fucked.”
I stood up and held out my hand to help him to his feet.
He stared at it and then glared at me for a second. “You’re serious? No fucking with her head?” The man was straight out of London with that accent.
“Dead serious. No mindfucks.”
He grasped my hand. “All right. Fair warning though—it’s my wife you should be bloody scared of.”
“Duly noted,” I told him as I pulled him up. “Tell Ellen I can’t visit tomorrow. But I’ll see her on Thursday.”
Ricki nodded. “All right. Get the fuck out of here.”
No need to be told twice
The rest of the evening and well into the night, I holed myself up in my dark room. A project started forming in my mind as I watched photo after photo of Xanthe come to life. It was said that a picture was worth a thousand words. To me, there were no words more poignant than Xanthe’s.
Every word she had ever spoken to me was something precious.
Every word she had ever written was something I craved to read.
I had a hundred thousand words of Xanthe to develop, and I cherished each second I spent with her in my dark room, hearing her voice, even in the silence that enshrouded me.
“I felt it, too.”
If she had felt it, too, then she was still feeling it. It wasn’t leaving me alone. She was in my mind, she had seeped under my skin, and she sang in my blood.
If she had felt it, too, then she was just as miserable as I was. She had better show up soon because I needed to end her misery more than I wanted to end my own.
Ollie
Gabriella was barely dressed and provocatively draped over me while I was in slacks and a white button-down shirt. We looked good together; even I had to admit it. She was a stunning woman, and I supposed I was attractive enough to wear her well.
I was wearing all seven new watch designs for the Timeless Clockworks shoot, and I was told to keep them since I was going to be the new face of that particular line. Trey had gotten the paperwork and another contract.
At the end of the shoot, the photographer showed me some of the shots before I headed off to get out of the dress clothes. Gabriella barged in on me changing into my civvies. I had sort of expected it, and I at least had my man bits covered up.
As I pulled up my jeans, she glowered at me.
Sighing, I asked, “What?”
“You tell me.”
“Tell you, what?”
“Why you’re acting like this. You haven’t called me. You haven’t tried to see me. Nothing. What is going on with you?”
I hadn’t known it would be so difficult to tell her that I wasn’t interested anymore. She and I had been friends for a long time. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but there was no way I was going back to her in that way.
“You need a ride home?” I asked. I’d avoided picking her up this morning because I was no longer comfortable with being alone with her.
“That would be nice,” she replied, softening toward me.
Damn it.
Gabriella was reading into it too much, and I really had to do something about it.
Once we were in the car and moving through the streets, I headed straight for her apartment.
“Look,” I told her, “whatever we had going on, it’s not going anywhere.”
She drew in a sharp breath. “What?”
“It’s not going anywhere, and I don’t want it to continue. We’re friends, and as friends, we need to put up some boundaries. It feels as though you’ve been getting the idea that we’re more than we said we’d be. I’m putting an end to it.”
Stunned, she stared out the windshield. “What happened to make you decide this?”
I didn’t want to share anything about Xanthe with her. Technically, my woman wasn’t mine at this point in time. If I told Gabriella I’d met someone, she’d demand to know who she was.
“It’s just where I am in my life. I’m tired of meaningless sex and getting fucking tested for STDs every few weeks. We’ve never been exclusive, so I don’t see how this could be a problem for you. I’ve got shit going on in my life that I’m not obligated to tell you about, and to be honest, your sudden concern for me is a little unnerving.”
She looked as though I’d slapped her. “Sudden concern?”
“Don’t get me wrong. We’re friends, and I care about you, but recently, you’ve been getting territorial, and it’s never been like that between us. I don’t like it, and I don’t want it.”
Gabriella’s blue eyes filled with tears, and it wasn’t like when Xanthe had teared up that last night. This felt manipulative. Gabriella could cue the waterworks when she needed to. I couldn’t help but believe this was only to make me feel bad.
Sniffing, she broke eye contact with me. “You’re an asshole.”
“It’s been pointed out to me quite a bit recently,” I said as I pulled up in front of her apartment complex.
Shooting me a glare, she plucked her keys from her purse. After she opened the car door, her long legs pulled the rest of her out of the vehicle.
Bending forward to look at me before making a grand exit, she sneered. “Don’t expect me to come running back when you get over this shit going on in your life.”
“I won’t.”
Gabriella slammed the door and spun on her heel. The second she opened the door to her building, I was pulling out into the street.
Honestly, that was probably the best I could’ve hoped for.
The rest of the day, I spent in my dark room, developing photographs of Xanthe.
I still didn’t have much of an appetite, and when Trey called to see if I wanted to go to dinner with him, I declined.
“Gabby blistered my ear off about your little speech for twenty minutes,” he told me. “The way I see it, you owe me dinner.”
I rolled my eyes. “Some other time. I’m busy.”
“Oliver—”
“I’m fine, Trey. Take Gabby out.”
“I don’t want to!” he whined. “You’ve put me in a very difficult position here! Both of you are my friends.”
“Go be her friend then.”
“I’d rather be yours,” he grumbled.
That made me smile. “I just want to be alone.”
He sighed and hung up.
Reliving my time with Xanthe, I wasn’t really alone. I wasn’t too worried I was going insane just yet, but I might be close.
Once I had the photos developed, I went about starting my project. I had a hundred thousand words of Xanthe. I needed to show her, show the entire world, that those words weren’t wasted.