Rubbing his thumb across her knuckles, Graham pulled her wrist to his mouth, pressing the softest of kisses to the sensitive flesh. Then he pressed their entwined fingers to the top of his thigh as if holding her close just a little longer.
“Gonna miss you, darlin’.”
Four words, and they cut into her soul.
“You’re going to have a lot more free time to harass the poor tourists that come after me,” Zoey joked.
He opened his mouth to make a joke, then closed it. “You know what? They’re not so bad.”
Counting to three silently in her head, Zoey waited for the pinched expression to come to his face, as if his words tasted of sour lemons. “You’re so full of it,” she teased.
“Yeah, I hate them. Super-duper can’t stand them.” Shooting her a grin, Graham shrugged. “Sorry, Zo, I can only make exceptions for you.”
“Graham? People love you. It’s okay to let them.”
A pained expression crossed his handsome features, but Zoey plunged on, twisting to face him as the airport came into view at the end of the road.
“It’s okay to be good at something you weren’t planning on, and it’s okay to enjoy being successful.” She squeezed his fingers, hard. “Maybe it wasn’t the plan, and it wasn’t the dream, but you have a good life. You don’t have to be embarrassed by your success. Use it to make your dreams happen. Let the masses buy a million reindeer dogs and then go attack cedar logs with your chainsaw like a crazy guy. You’ve earned the right to have the things you want.”
Nodding, Graham didn’t say anything. But his eyes said it all as he pulled up to the curb in front of the airport and turned to her.
“I can park in short-term parking,” he offered, voice quiet, gaze scraping over her form. “I can wait with you for a while.”
Zoey shook her head. “And drag this out? I’m barely keeping from bawling like a baby right now.”
She turned around in the seat to say goodbye to Jake, running her fingers one last time through the border collie’s silky coat. “Take care of him, Jake.”
When Jake whined, Zoey dropped a kiss to the end of his nose. “You’re a good dog. And he’s a good man. Don’t let him forget, okay?”
Zoey could feel the heat of tears stinging her eyes, even if she’d managed to keep them from falling. That lasted up until the moment his strong hands carefully cupped her face.
Gripping his biceps for strength, Zoey closed her eyes. “I don’t like this part,” she whispered, voice catching on the words.
“Me either.” His thumbs brushed the wetness sliding down her cheeks. “Zoey? Some women walk in a room and turn a guy inside out. You turned me inside out, and I’ve never enjoyed anything more. Losing a woman like you screws a guy up good and hard.” Graham’s arms shook, but his hands slid into her hair, his forehead against hers. Voice thick with emotion, he said, “Screwed up or not, I wouldn’t change the last two weeks for the world.”
This kiss, their last one, lingered too long. A security guard started toward the truck, waving them on.
“Goodbye, Graham,” she whispered.
“Goodbye, Zoey.”
And then he let his hands drop.
There was nothing left to do. Zoey grabbed her Alaska bag and her suitcase and got out of the truck. By the time she reached the sliding door of the terminal entrance and looked back over her shoulder, Graham was gone.
* * *
As love stories went, Graham was pretty sure this one sucked.
The gas pedal wasn’t his friend, and the planes coming in low over the inlet just rubbed this deeper into his soul. But he couldn’t ask her to stay. Zoey was a strong, beautiful, independent woman, and he couldn’t ask her to give up her life for his, no matter how much he wanted her. Even if he did, she’d say no. This wasn’t a movie, there wasn’t anything he could do, and adding that bit of rejection would only sour what had been the most bittersweet goodbye of his life.
There was a long drive between Anchorage and Moose Springs, and it was probably going to take every single one of those miles to convince himself that this was the right thing. He’d had to let her go. And after her, there would never be another tourist. Locals only, he was done. Graham couldn’t do this to himself again. After her…
The road blurred, and Graham cursed, pulling over into the bird sanctuary just south of Anchorage. Across the road was a gun range, and the dichotomy of the two normally made him snort. Right now, nothing seemed funny. Nothing was right, nothing was good, nothing in his life fit anymore, not the way they’d fit. Somehow, for some reason completely beyond him, Zoey had fit him, and he’d fit her perfectly.
He wanted her shyness, her enthusiasm, her bravery, her recklessness, her strength. Her atrocious attempts at karaoke. Her arms around him as he slept. Zoey had the kind of drive Graham had never had in his own life, an ability to keep pushing on where he would have—where he had—rolled over and given up.
Inhaling a hard breath, Graham rubbed his fist over his chest.
He hoped she found someone who loved her this much. Someone who thought it was cute when her glasses slipped on her nose. Someone who liked her tucked beneath his arm. Someone who gave a crap when those gorgeous eyes filled with tears. Someone Graham would have to kill, because the idea of her with someone else made him want to punch something.
The heart in his chest was clawing its way out, abandoning him for her. And his ass was sitting in his truck, doing nothing.
Paralyzed. Torn between fighting for what he needed and the fear of losing his dream again. She was art school all over, and he was sitting here and just taking it.
“Jake, I think I need a little help here.” At Graham’s soft whistle, the border collie hopped the seat divider, wiggling into his lap. Wrapping his arms around his puppy as tight as he dared, Graham picked up Jake and hugged him for a really long time, face buried in a furry neck.
After he had been thoroughly bathed in kisses, Graham sighed and returned Jake to the back seat.
“Get yourself together.” Dragging his palms over his face, Graham shook his head. “It’s just a girl.”
His girl. The only girl he ever wanted for the rest of his stupid, freaking life.
Hands shaking, Graham set the hazard lights and pulled out his phone. It rang twice before she picked up. “Hey, Ash, I need a wingman right now. I just dropped off Zoey.” Graham’s voice was ragged and harsh in his ears. “Tell me to keep driving.”
“Are you asking me for permission to be an idiot? Because you’ve never needed my permission before.”
He didn’t say anything, unable to formulate a sentence that didn’t start and end with how messed up this was.