The floor was sticky beneath my feet, and I cursed myself for not slipping on my sneakers before coming out here, but with the way he pushed me forward, I probably didn’t have time for the simple act anyway.
There appeared to be hundreds of beer bottles and cans strewn all around the room, some of them spilling the rest of the contents on the floor, bar, and even parts of the sofa. A fog of smoke lingered in the air, thick enough to offend my senses even though I didn’t believe anyone had smoked anything for hours.
“Get to work.” Before Griller staggered back toward his room, he shouted over his shoulder, “Hurry up. Don’t make me wait too long, or else.” I remembered all too well what his “or else” entailed, often resulting in a black eye or sore ribs.
While I looked at the passed-out bodies of the members as well as the half-naked women who accompanied them, I wished again, for the millionth time, for God to save me from this hell. But something told me He was either too busy or just chose not to help me. Maybe He was punishing me for being stupid and going with Pike in the first place, a stranger who disarmed me with his smile. Whatever the reason, I was stuck until one of these guys either killed me or I killed myself—the latter not ideal since I’d been raised to believe suicide was a sin.
As I worked around the unconscious people, I gently placed the trash in a bag, careful not to make too much noise because if I woke up anyone, they’d punish me. Sometimes their cruelty was enough to make my mind drift off to another place, leaving my body behind to do with whatever they wanted. It wasn’t like I had a say in the matter, so I learned to adapt each time one of them held me down and thrust inside me. I was thankful they didn’t demand I watch them because I needed the darkness to fly away into another realm of reality in order to survive, albeit barely.
Sometimes only one of them would have a go at me, and sometimes it was one after the other. In the beginning, I begged and cried, but they didn’t care. The only one who seemed affected was Pike, and the first time he interjected on my behalf, they took turns hitting him before forcing him on top of me.
The torment I saw laced behind his eyes was enough for me to stop struggling… then I gave him a nod, a brief sign of my acceptance for the situation we were both in. I realized he didn’t have a choice either, so I closed my eyes and let him push into me. Thankfully, he was fast, groaning when he finished. I thought I heard him whisper, “I’m sorry,” but I was so lost inside myself, I couldn’t be sure.
Buried deep inside my horrid memories, Pike startled me when he came up behind me, dropping a bottle into my trash bag. The clanking noise made me cringe, but when none of the men stirred, I relaxed.
“I’ll help you.” I held the garbage bag firm when he tried to take it from me. I knew this wasn’t a trick, but I was fearful all the same. Not of him, but of what would happen if Griller happened to come out here and see him assisting me.
“I’m fine.” He tugged on the bag once more. “I have to go back to his room when I’m finished.” I gave him a pleading look, one he unfortunately understood. A curt nod was thrown my way before he walked out of the clubhouse.
Even though Pike was the one who brought me here and had sex with me in front of the other guys, I saw how my treatment pained him. I didn’t blame him for my circumstances. Well… not entirely, at least.
He was as much a victim as I was, more so in a sense because if he tried to leave the Savage Reapers, they’d kill his mom and his sister before ending his life. I found out this information during the rare times we’d been alone. I was grateful I didn’t have any more family left, so if they wanted to kill me, I could handle it.
I say that now because I’m still breathing.
As I exited the kitchen after tossing the full garbage bag on top of the waste bin, I heard Griller shout from down the hallway.
“Let’s fuckin’ go, woman!” He knew my name but never used it, a small win I was grateful for. In fact, the only person to call me Maddie was Pike, which I was fine with. There was no malice toward me from him like there was from the rest of the club.
I supposed I took too long because he rushed out of the room and snatched my arm, his fingers pinching my skin as he dragged me behind him, tossing me into the middle of his room.
His nakedness was a blatant clue as to what he wanted from me. And no matter how often he invaded my body, each time was terrifying. He’d forced himself into my mouth, between my legs and even in the place that was forbidden and shameful.
The first time he sodomized me, I cried harder than I ever had in my life, not only from the pain but from loathsomeness, and utter embarrassment. At one point, because I wouldn’t shut up or stop trying to get away from him, he choked me until I passed out. When I woke up, I was alone in his room, still facedown on his bed. I ached all over but had been thankful not to have been conscious during the rape. The next time he forced himself there, I hadn’t been as lucky, remembering every painful detail as well as his devilish grunts.
Griller gripped my arms and shook me. “Take off your clothes,” he demanded, leering at me while he waited for me to do as I was told.
I never understood why he chose to mar his neck and face with tattoos of skulls and daggers. Then again, the ugliness of them matched perfectly with the ugliness of his insides as well as his exterior. He was thin with a receding hairline, the rest of his dark strands cropped close to his head. Sometimes I wished he’d grow a beard, so I didn’t have to see so much of his face.
Typically, he was either drunk or high, but right now, his eyes were blank, absent, which terrified me even more.
I put my hands up in front of me and took a few steps back. Why? I had no idea because no amount of distance or silent pleading would make a bit of difference. The result would always be me doing exactly what he wanted.
“I don’t feel good,” I said, praying he would leave me alone, but my words fell on deaf ears.
“So?” The corner of his lip curved up, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think he smiled. No, it was a sneer. A dangerous grin.
“I was hoping maybe I could lie down and rest for a bit.” Every word I spoke was wasted, and even so, I continued. “Please.” I retreated until my back hit the wall, the sudden stop startling me because I couldn’t focus on anything but Griller and the terrifying look in his black eyes.
“When have I ever cared how you felt?” he asked, cocking his head slightly to the side, his eyes lecherously roaming over me. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but if you don’t get your ass on the bed in two seconds, you’re gonna regret it.”
I would’ve liked to have said I stayed put and that my noncompliance annoyed him, so much so he left the room. But that outcome didn’t happen. Instead of testing his lack of patience, I moved forward until I stood in front of the mattress, stripping off my clothes before he got the chance to do it, which would’ve made him angrier.
Lying down on my belly, I buried my face in the dingy colored pillowcase, the smell of smoke and beer pungent, but inhaling the scent was better than facing him. He’d only forced himself on me once while looking at me. Every other time, he was behind me, which meant I didn’t have to watch him as he violated me.
He smacked the back of my leg. I parted my thighs and waited for the pain. Because my body wasn’t ready to accept him, every inch he thrust into me sent a shockwave of pain rippling through me. But once he was fully inside, the pain subsided some.