Hutton blinks. For the first time since I’ve known her, I can’t read her expression. I don’t know what she’s thinking. I practically hold my breath as I wait for her to respond to me.
“Who does that?” she whispers.
I snort. “Chelle does.”
Hutton shakes her head. “No, seriously,” she says, lifting her eyes to meet mine. “What kind of person does that to someone that they’re supposed to love?”
I shrug one shoulder, still not fucking sure why Chelle did what she did, but Ford is right, I need to let her go. She’s been haunting my life long enough. Hutton’s who I want, not some ghost of a bitch hanging around in the shadows.
“I’m not trying to make excuses for my past, Hutton, I just want you to know why I wasn’t ready for you. Why I left the way that I did and never contacted you again. I liked you a hell of a lot and I knew that leaving to pursue my music would take a lot of trust on both of our parts. Trust that I wasn’t capable of at the time.”
“Are you capable now?”
Gulping, I look away for a moment, then back to her. “I want to be,” I admit. “I’ve been through a lot, figured a lot of shit out about myself. I’m happy with the way that my career has turned out, but my personal life could use an overhaul. Seeing you again, I know that one of the things I regret is not only pushing you away but walking away from you and never looking back.”
HUTTON
Regret is a funny thing. I’ve never regretted Beaumont. I should have, I should have regretted ever letting him inside of my body, allowing him to take my virginity, but I never have. I didn’t like how I allowed him to treat me, but that was all on me and not so much on him.
If I had more of a backbone, I wouldn’t have accepted the late-night booty calls. I wouldn’t have accepted a lot of the things that happened back then. Especially, him walking away without an explanation and leaving me standing on the sidewalk a downright disaster.
“I don’t want this to cause an issue with your sobriety, Beau,” I say.
He nods, his fingers gripping mine a bit tighter before he releases me. “I know that I shouldn’t even be having this discussion with you so soon after rehab, but I also know that I can’t let you go.”
“Why now?” I chance asking. “It’s been years.”
He lifts his gaze to mine, his eyes focused on me and nowhere else. I feel as if I’m the only person on this planet, the way he watches me is almost unnerving, yet, I can’t look away. He clears his throat, pausing for a moment, then he finally speaks.
“You’re there, Hutton. Always. You’ve always been in the back of my mind. Hated the way I was with you back then.”
“So, you feel sorry for me, because you used me and dumped me on the sidewalk without a backward glance?” I ask.
He shifts his gaze to the side. Shaking my head, I stand to my feet. The chair behind me falls to the floor. Beaumont quickly stands as well. I’m already backing away from him, away from the sweet gesture of his dinner.
“No,” I say, lifting my hand. “No way.”
“Hutton.” His voice rumbles as he starts to walk around the table.
I can’t look behind me, because I’m too focused on him with each backward step that I take. “You don’t get to do that, Beaumont.”
“Do what?” he asks, looking genuinely confused.
“You don’t get to ease your own guilt just so that you can sleep better at night. So, what are your plans? You were going to apologize to me, fuck me again and then send me off with a sweet kiss and a memory for me to cling to because I slept with the great Beaumont Griffin?”
Beaumont freezes, his eyes widen and then he lets out a chuckle. “Hutton, don’t be ridiculous. Do you really believe that I think that highly of myself? Have I acted like that, at all, since I’ve been back?”
“You’re leaving in what? Two, three days?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, Hutton,” he growls as his feet move faster toward me.
He’s too quick. I try to scramble away from him, but my leg catches on something and I start to fall backward. Beaumont reaches for me, wrapping his arms around my back and roughly pulls me against his chest. I place my palms against his hard chest and tip my head back to look up into his eyes.
“Beau,” I breathe.
He shakes his head. “Quiet, darlin’ girl. Seems you had your say, and I didn’t like it much,” he grumbles.
I open my mouth to respond but the simple shake of his head accompanied by the way his dark eyes glitter causes my mouth to snap shut and my lips to press together.
“Don’t you decide shit for me, Hutton. I’m a goddamn man. I got enough people makin’ decisions for me and on my behalf, every fuckin’ day. What I don’t need is for anyone to make a goddamn decision about my personal life for me.”
He dips his chin, lowering his head and moving just centimeters from my face. I can feel his warm breath wash over my skin, his eyes are so dark that they’re almost black and so glittery I wonder if he’s got confetti contacts in, they’re that shimmery.
“I ain’t easin’ my guilt by asking you out to dinner. What I’m doing is trying to date you. I liked you back then and unless you’ve become some screamin’ bitch in the past ten years, then I think that I’ll still like you. All I’m askin’ for is a chance to get to know you again, to see if my instincts are right, to see if my feelings for you are still what I imagined they could be.”
My eyes fill with tears and I shake my head a couple of times before I stop and pinch my eyes closed, trying to calm myself down. Inhaling a deep breath, I let it out through my nose, doing it a second time before I open my eyes to look at him again.
We’re frozen, me in his arms, him holding onto me with an iron grip. “I’m stupid,” I whisper.
Beaumont’s lips twitch. “Not stupid, Hutton. I hurt you. I know that I did, I knew it when I did it.”
“I loved you,” I breathe.
He nods once, dipping his chin a little more and sliding his nose alongside my own. “Wasn’t capable of love like that back then, but I knew you did. I did adore you, Hutton, I always have.”
“Are you capable now?” I ask stupidly, because I’m some kind of glutton for punishment or something.
He hums, his mouth moving to the shell of my ear. “I want to be, darlin’ girl.”
I shiver in his arms, his words make my entire body fill with need, desire, and want all rolled into a warm ball in the pit of my stomach. His lips move and before I can come up with some kind of response, his mouth is on mine.
Just like last night, just like at my house, and every time he’s had his mouth on mine, I melt against him and open for him. Beaumont knows what he’s doing and when one of his hands slides up the center of my back, it finds purchase in my hair, gripping the strands and holding me tightly. His other hand slowly travels down to my ass and grabs ahold of me, pulling me even closer against his body.
I moan, my eyes rolling in the back of my head. His hard length is pressed against my belly, his tongue filling my mouth and dancing with my own. It’s sexy, intimate, new and familiar all at the same time.