I woodenly nod and walk over to the table, sinking down into the chair and wondering just what the dinner conversation is going to bring forward. My stomach hurts just thinking about all of it. Gone are the excited happy butterflies, now I just feel sick.
Biting the corner of my lip, I curse myself for being too invested. If I could be more like Laurie, this wouldn’t be so stressful. This wouldn’t be such a nightmare. This wouldn’t hurt so damn much.
Chapter Sixteen
BEAUMONT
Hutton looks sick to her stomach as she watches me bring the salad, then the pizza over to the table. I watch as she tucks her chin in and starts to pour her sweet tea into two glasses, then unfolds her napkin and smooths it out in her lap.
“Hutton,” I call out.
Her eyes lift before the rest of her head. Once she’s looking directly at me, I give her a small smile. Divvying up the pizza, I give her three slices to my five. I’ll have to go back on my meal and exercise plan soon, but right now, I just want to enjoy this evening.
Using the tongs, I put some salad on my plate, then hers. She only had a balsamic vinaigrette dressing in the fridge which should be illegal, considering we’re in ranch country, but I don’t say anything about that. I can tell that Hutton is still thinking about Andi, about what that picture means and what the future holds for us.
“Andi Anderson and I dated for a while. She’s addicted to her own vices, and I like booze, so it worked for what it was,” I begin.
Lifting my pizza to my mouth, I take a big bite, wanting to have a few moments to think about my next words. This feels like a conversation that could be a turning point in what lies ahead for us.
“Do you love her?” Hutton asks, her voice so fucking small that it makes my entire body ache.
I snort, shaking my head a couple of times. “Never. We haven’t really been together in a long time,” I say. “I’ve never dated or allowed myself to become close enough to someone to fall in love with them,” I admit.
She gulps, it’s so loud that I can hear it from across the table. “I could have loved you, Hutton, had I allowed myself. I would have, which is why I didn’t.”
“Because of Chelle?” she asks.
Leaning back in my chair, I shake my head. “Because of me. Chelle and my mom are excuses that I used. What they did fucked me up, but in the end, I should have been able to overcome it and see the woman in front of me for who she is. I should have been able to see all of you, Hutton, and back then I just couldn’t.”
I don’t know if I’m fucking this up more by trying to explain my feelings, back then versus now, but I don’t care. Hutton deserves to know it all.
“So Andi Anderson is among the dozens and dozens of women you’ve slept with?” she asks.
“She is.” I nod.
“And you’re still sleeping with her?”
Shaking my head, I level her with my gaze. “You’re the only one I’m sleeping with currently, Hutton.”
“But you were with her less than two weeks ago?” she practically demands.
Clearing my throat, I lift my pizza back to my mouth and take another big bite. “I was. We both needed something, we both took it and I left. It was easy with her. She knows how to keep her mouth shut, she knew that we were nothing other than physical and she was fine with taking what I could give her and then watching me walk right out the door. But no more, Hutton, because I have you now.”
“You have me to get what you want and walk out the door?”
Growling, I lean forward, placing my palms on the table. “Don’t twist my words. Not when it comes to us.”
“I loved you so much, Beaumont. I’m just trying to figure all of this out. I’m trying to decide if I can take this leap with you, and then I wonder how much it’s going to hurt when I slam into the ground after I fall.”
“I won’t let you get hurt,” I vow.
Hutton shakes her head. “You can’t promise that.”
“Stop looking for guarantees, Hutton. Did you have one when you got the shop, knowing for a fact that your shop wouldn’t go under when you opened it? There are no guarantees in life and if you’re going to demand one from me, then I’ll probably only disappoint you. I want this, and I’m willing to work on it, but I can’t be the only one who wants this to work.”
I watch as she presses her lips together, then her eyes lift to mine. “Seeing you going to her, seeing that picture, it made me sick,” she whispers.
Shaking my head, I frown. “It won’t be the only thing you’ll see like that. Ninety percent of the time, the pictures, the reports, they’re fake. You cannot believe everything that you read like that, Hutton. Come to me, I’ll always tell you the truth.”
“Even if it hurts me?” she breathes.
Nodding, I reach out, placing my hand palm up on the table. I wait for her to slip her hand in mine and it feels like a victory when she does. Gently, I squeeze her hand, keeping my eyes focused on hers.
“Even if it hurts, darlin’ girl. I’ll be honest. I’ll be truthful, you deserve that much.”
“No more Andi,” she mumbles.
I chuckle, squeezing her hand again. “No more Andi.” I nod.
We start to eat the rest of our dinner, but I can’t concentrate, I can’t take my eyes off of her. I have one more day here, then I’m gone. My manager, Daniel, just called to tell me that they added ten more concert dates to the tour, something that I knew they would fucking do, which extends it from only eight weeks to sixteen.
“I’m leaving the day after tomorrow,” I state once the food is gone and we’re sipping our tea.
Hutton’s big green eyes lift to mine and widen. “So soon?”
Nodding, I sigh heavily. “My manager added ten more cities to the tour, extending it from eight to sixteen weeks. I have no doubt that he’ll try to add a few more, too.”
Hutton presses her lips together, her eyes lifting to mine. I expect her to ask some more questions about us, about our relationship, but she surprises the shit out of me instead.
“Are you going to be okay out on the road like that, at all those parties with your drinking?” she asks.
Standing, I’m unable to talk about this while she’s across the table from me. Walking over to her, I hold out my hand. She slips her warm palm in mine. I gently tug her to standing, then turn and pull her behind me toward her bedroom.
I already scoped out some of her house while I was waiting for her, basically the bathroom and the bedroom which to me are just as important as the kitchen.
Once we’re in her bedroom, I pull her against me, wrapping my hands around her waist and hold her against me. Dipping my chin, I look into those green eyes that I’ve been dreaming of all fucking day long, those dreams, they didn’t do them any justice.
My God, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had.
HUTTON
Beaumont is looking at me in a way that I can’t even describe, he’s looking at me almost in awe. I don’t understand it, not in the slightest. Although, I feel like I look at him like that every single time my eyes find any part of him.