“Hey,” I murmur, tugging the door open to a very pregnant Channing and Rylan. “Where’s Reese?” I ask when I don’t see the toddler.
Rylan snorts. “Dropped him off at Wyatt’s. He bitched me out the other day because he hasn’t spent enough one-on-one time with Reese lately. I don’t even know what that shit means, we have dinner, the five of us, at least twice a fuckin’ week,” Rylan mumbles.
“Just let him be an uncle,” Channing sighs as she places her hand on her belly.
Dipping my chin, I step to the side to allow them in. “When is she due?” I ask.
Channing’s lips tip up into a small smile. “Two weeks. I’m sorry we won’t be able to go to your fight. We’re having a big viewing party at Wyatt’s though,” she says softly.
Shaking my head, I reach out and pull her in for a small side hug. “Just knowing you’ll be watching is enough. Want you to take care of my new niece.” I chuckle, touching my mouth to the top of her head.
“You want to head outside, have some water, maybe throw some horseshoes?” Rylan asks, his gaze focused beyond me and Channing and I know what he’s focused on. I know exactly what has his brows furrowed in the middle.
Nodding my head, I agree as I release Channing. I don’t say anything to Tulip as I pass by her. She knows what’s going on by now, and I’m sure she’s going to be pissed at me, but I have to try. She isn’t drowning herself in booze or drugs. She’s just fucking drowning.
TULIP
I could kill Louis. Kill him. Channing waddles toward me, and if I wasn’t so fucking mad at Louis, I would think she’s downright adorable, because she is.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I realize that I’m not wearing a bra, in fact, I can’t remember the last time that I even attempted to put one on.
“Hey,” Channing says as she slowly sinks down next to me on the sofa.
Pressing my lips together, I stare at her. It’s rude, I know that I’m being rude, but I can’t help myself.
“You know that I was kidnapped too, right?”
I shrug a shoulder. I’d heard about the incident, but she wasn’t thrown in a trunk, punched in the face, forced to eat cold canned chili, told that she’d been watched and jacked off to since she was a teenager, and threatened with being some weird sexual servant. So, I honestly don’t know how she’s going to help me.
“You need to talk,” she gently urges. “Louis is really worried about you.”
Releasing my lips, I inhale a deep breath and shift my gaze to the wood floor. She probably thinks that I’m not going to say anything, and I surprise myself a little when I start to speak.
“Louis doesn’t deserve someone like me. The sooner he realizes that, the better. Nothing but blackness follows me around. First my parents, then Joey and his father. I’m disgusting.”
Channing reaches for me, but my hand flinches and I shift it to my lap. “It’s okay, Tulip. It’s okay to feel that way, to think that way, but you have to know that it’s simply just not true. He loves you. He sees the good in you, even when you can’t see it in yourself.”
“I’m worthless,” I whisper.
Lifting my gaze to hers, I watch as her eyes round and she shakes her head. “You’re not, but I can’t tell you that. You have to believe it for yourself. Joey and his father broke something inside of you, just like James broke something inside of me, too. Rylan couldn’t fix it though. He helped, but I had to realize that I was worthy of more, of him.”
Closing my eyes, I try not to cry. It’s all I do when people aren’t around. “How could I have been so stupid. Why didn’t I tell someone about the dumb notes? Why did I just allow myself to be a victim?” I ask as my body trembles.
Channing moves closer to my side and slides her arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to her side, resting my head on her shoulder, I cry. “You’re going to be okay,” she coos.
“I hope so. Louis deserves—”
Holding up her palm, she stops me and I press my lips together, widening my eyes in surprise. “You don’t get to dictate what Louis deserves. He wants you. He loves you. He needs you. Don’t you think since you’re the one he wants, that you should strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be?”
Her words are like a bucket of cold water being dropped on my body. I jerk in surprise. She’s right. I need to be the best version of myself for him and God knows that I haven’t been, not even close.
I’ve been a hollow shell unless we’re having sex. Channing’s lips turn up into a small smile. “I knew you’d get it,” she whispers. “It’s hard though, right? They’re so amazing and it’s just like… why did they pick us?”
“You’re amazing and sweet and the nicest person I’ve ever met,” I blurt out, looking at her.
Channing shakes her head. “I don’t see myself that way, I never have, but he sees me like that. To me, he’s the most selfless man I’ve ever met. I know about his past and he knows about mine. What he has gone through doesn’t make me love him less, in fact, it makes me love him more because I see the man that he’s become because of that past.
“He loves me wholly because of what he’s done, what he’s seen. Do you think that you can love Louis wholly because of that ugly past that you have? He’s going to give you a beautiful life, he can’t wait to do it and, in a way, he’s already doing it.”
Frowning, I look over my shoulder at Louis and Rylan who are talking amongst themselves. I watch as Louis’ lips turn up into a grin and he shakes his head like Rylan has said something funny and a little unbelievable.
“I love him so much. Louis deserves someone healthy. Someone perfectly matched to him,” I whisper.
Channing shakes me slightly. “That person is you, Tulip. He sees it, we all see it, why don’t you see it in yourself?”
“I spent my entire life with a loser. I enabled him, I stripped to make ends meet. I’m not perfectly suited to a man like Louis Kingston.”
Channing snorts. “I had an affair with my teacher that lasted way longer than it should have. Hell, it shouldn’t have ever happened. I was pregnant with his baby, alone, and yet Rylan came in and wanted me, loved me, and still does. Exeter has her own issues, so does Hutton. Are we not deserving, are we not perfectly matched to our men?”
“Why do you have to make sense?” I ask as my bottom lip trembles.
She giggles and squeezes me again. “Because I’m smart like that. Now, inhale a cleansing breath and tell me what you need from your friends.”
“My friends?”
She nods. “Yeah, me, Exeter, Hutton, and Laurie. Even though I think Laurie is a bit out of commission at the moment, she’s here to help at any time.”
“Where is she?” I ask, my brows knitting together.
Channing grins. “She left this morning to go and demand Jesse love her or something. I guess they got into a huge fight and he left. She knew she fucked up when he didn’t come back to sweet talk her.”
“Now she’s going to him?” I ask, kind of in shock. Laurie just doesn’t seem like the type that would beg a man, or anyone, for anything.