I thought so too, until I looked at you, I went to say, but then stopped myself. I cleared my throat, closed the box, and then stood. I gave her my hand. “Time to go, Butterfly. We have a long day tomorrow.”
17
Mariposa
“Stop fidgeting.” I repeated the words like a mantra. Over and over and over. The words were almost a chant underneath my breath. I peeked inside of the church for the tenth time. It was filled to capacity. All of the voices were at low volume, but it almost sounded like the hum of bees, and it made goosebumps rise on my arms.
I took a step back. “Agitarsi. Stop fidgeting, Mari.” I couldn’t shake my nerves today. They clung to me. The New York wedding seemed simple, over and done, final in minutes, but this one? This one had meaning.
Nonno sat at the front of the church, talking to friends and family, and the day was doing him good. He looked…healthy. He kept smiling, laughing, and he waved everyone off when they went to help him. He wasn’t just surviving; he was living. It gave me hope for the future. If he could keep having days like this one, maybe they could do something to help him.
Happiness was the best medicine, right?
Therefore, the day needed to be perfect for him. I wanted to walk down the aisle with my head held high, my strides perfect, and a wide smile on my face. But I kept having visions of exploding laughter shooting out of my mouth, or tripping over my own two feet, or my veil. All seven feet of it.
I looked down at my gown. My hands were splayed against my waist to try to stop the fidgeting, and they were trembling.
The dress. I sighed. I was in love with it. It was form-fitting with long sleeves, a low-cut back, and a train that flared out, but not too much. But what I loved most about it was what the designer called “geometric patterns” that ran through the soft fabric.
I had told her that I wanted something inspired by the butterfly, but nothing too frou-frou. Like my engagement ring, I wanted something artsy, a subtle nod to the name he had given me. Mariposa. But the dress shouldn’t make the connection too obvious. It was something between us that we could share, like a private joke that no one else would get.
When I stepped into the evening light, candles burning all around me, the details of the dress came alive. The sheer detailing on the train and the deep geometric patterns gave the impression of a white butterfly when it stretches its wings during sunset. All of the lines across its wings, the ones that made it look like it was made of silk, were on display.
Mariposa. The way he said my name, his voice deep and throaty, made me shiver just thinking about it. I had connected the rasp in his voice to the scar around his throat. Sometimes he drank water to try and ease the strain.
Thinking about the sound of his voice made me even more nervous. “You’re so going to trip, Mari.” I had almost bit it the night before when he had looked at me and the lights in the trees made the color of his eyes do this…hypnotic, shimmering thing. Like when the moon touches the dark ocean and paints the surface silver.
“You’re going to be fine, bella,” a soft voice said, and I almost collapsed in relief.
Scarlett. She and the other women from girl’s night had become family to me. They were with me all day, normalizing the moments but also making them special. They treated me like family, as one of their own. Right before we left for the church, I’d showed her my mother’s rosary, not sure where to put it but wanting to carry it with me.
She took it from me, along with my bouquet, and told me she’d give it back to me before the ceremony.
“I hope you like it.” She held out the hundreds of orange blossoms for me to see. She had wrapped the rosary around the bottom, around the white silk that held the flowers together, and the cross dangled in the front.
“It’s…” I couldn’t even find the words.
She smiled at me. “You don’t have to say anything. We’re family, and that’s what we do. We’re here for each other through thick and thin.”
I looked up at her and we both smiled.
Scarlett reached out and grabbed my hand. She held it tight. “I wanted to tell you this the day I met you at Home Run, but I didn’t really know you then. Now that I do…” She sighed. “It’s hard to imagine a night that we wish would never end, especially when all we know are nightmares, but trust me, some nights are worth wishing they could go on forever. Amadeo—”
“Mari.”
At the sound of the voice, Scarlett and I turned to look.
Keely slipped through the doors separating us from the church. She looked between us. “I’ll wait—”
“No.” Scarlett squeezed my hand again. “I was just going back.” She hugged me and whispered in my ear, “This. This was meant to be.” Then she left us.
Keely watched Scarlett shut the door before she said, “I can’t help but think about gangs when I see them—the Faustis and their wives. The dynamics. They take people in who have no one and treat them like family. Make them feel accepted because there was no one there to accept them before.”
I squeezed the bouquet, my nerves getting even worse. “Is that what you came to talk to me about right before my wedding? Scarlett’s different. She’s a good person. And so is Capo’s family. It’s okay that I have more people to add to my family now. You’re still my family, Kee.”
She waved a hand. “I know. Maybe I’m a little jealous.”
“You don’t have to be. I’ll always be your sister. Scarlett and the other girls, they’re cousins.”
Keely turned to me and looked me over from head to toe. She smiled, her eyes getting watery. “Mari, I know I told you this already, but you look…so beautiful. Really. And you smell so good, too.”
I smiled. “It’s all of the orange blossoms.”
“You’re just like a butterfly, always attracted to the sweet.” Then she looked away from me. “I know I should wait to tell you this, but I want to tell you now. I’m sorry, Mari. I’m so sorry for the way Mam treated you.”
I blew out a trembling breath, trying to keep it together. Keely meant well, but I didn’t want to talk about what her Mam did. Since I had no father to walk me down the aisle, I stupidly asked Keely’s dad if he would at our rehearsal dinner. His face lit up, and he was about to answer when Catriona had spoken up.
“Nay,” she had said. “It’s nice of you to ask, but he can’t accept. He only has but the one daughter, and he needs to walk her first. It would take away from Keely.”
I wasn’t sure why it had hurt me as much as it did. Maybe because I’d always considered them my family, and I thought it would be nice to have someone familiar walk me down the aisle. Someone who had known me as a child.
All I could do was nod, more like bob my head uncontrollably, before I left and buried my hurt feelings. I refused to let Capo see it. After what he had basically admitted to doing to Merv, I was afraid to let him see how emotional Catriona had made me in fear of what he’d to do to her or her family.
Asking Harrison was out of the question, too, considering how he felt about me. It would’ve been a raunchy thing to do.
It didn’t matter. I didn’t even want to think of it again.