Eamon’s anger took on a near physical intensity.
“You know perfectly well what I’m talking about.”
She did too. Though, nobody had ever complained about the non-challenging way she had of challenging someone. After all, everything she did was in line with the correct behavior of a junior addressing a senior.
She gave him a confused expression and frowned as if she was thinking hard. “I have no idea. I was just trying to do my job.”
The air got even tenser.
Perhaps pushing him wasn’t the best idea.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Forget it. Buck, keep the Daisy busy and out from under foot.”
Eamon turned his back on her and moved away.
Shea stared after him, a little baffled. That was it? After that scolding, that’s all he had. She was expecting more.
“Sometimes, kid, you’re really not too bright,” Buck said, shaking his head. “It’s pretty amazing given how smart you are in other things.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Buck peered down at her, studying, weighing. One corner of his lips tightened. “Yeah, you do. But whatever, if you want to make life harder on yourself, that’s your business. For now, go help Perry’s men set up tents.”
Mentally shrugging at his dismissal, Shea moved off to help the others. Clark gave her a small smile when she grabbed the other end of the pole he was trying to lift.
“Clark,” Eamon called. “Grab one of the horse’s the Hawkvale brought and saddle up. We’re going to do a brief recon of the immediate area.”
Clark shot her a quick, concerned glance before hurrying away without a word. Shea pretended not to hear as Eamon called for Sam and Flint as well. She waited for her name to be called. She felt his eyes rest briefly on her.
“What about me?” Buck asked.
“Stay here. Keep an eye on things.”
There was a slight pause and then a murmured affirmative.
Shea worked steadily, not letting herself linger on one task for too long. She kept her head down and avoided meeting anybody’s eyes.
“Thanks a lot, Daisy,” Buck muttered as he bent to help her carry some of the kindling she was gathering for the fire pit.
Shea frowned after him. “It’s not my fault he left you behind.”
Buck dropped the kindling rather loudly next to the rest and walked back to the forest line. Shea trailed behind him.
“Someone had to stay behind and keep watch on your dumb ass.”
Shea was really getting tired of being called dumb. She’d had one brief moment in battle when she’d gotten lost in thought. Yes, it was admittedly not her smartest move. One that could have gotten her killed.
Regardless, she thought she’d proven by this point that she wasn’t stupid. One unguarded moment shouldn’t undo all of the other times she’d come through for them.
“Eamon could have taken both of us along,” she pointed out coolly.
He barked a dry laugh. “Not likely. If he can’t trust you, he doesn’t have much use for you.”
Shea snorted. “What has he been doing all this time, then? It’s not like he knew me in the beginning, and yet I managed to get you guys to your rendezvous. Now all of a sudden my job depends on trust. That’s convenient.”
“You were an unknown entity then. Someone we didn’t trust or distrust, and if you recall, you didn’t get anywhere near a map until after the shadow beetles.”
He had a point there.
“A squad like ours is dependent on the bond of trust between every person on the team. When that bond is broken, it places everybody in danger.”
Shea had never trusted her companions. “None of you have ever made a mistake while in the field? I’m not proud that I lost focus out there, but it’s hardly a reason to imply I’m no longer dependable. The only person whose life I put in danger was my own.”
“Wrong. If you had fallen, Eamon would have broken the line trying to save you. I would have followed because he’s my comrade and friend. Clark might’ve followed because he worships Eamon. That’s three lives that would have been in danger due to your carelessness. Not to mention the others because we would have left a hole in their defenses.”
Shea hadn’t thought of it that way. She was so used to acting on her own and only being able to count on herself that she had never considered how her actions might impact others.
“Just now’s the first time you’ve even admitted that you might have been wrong. Instead, you shut all of us out and acted like a sulky, spoiled child. Making a mistake isn’t the problem; not owning up to it is. We don’t need someone who’s unable to acknowledge their flaws.”
Shea didn’t have a response for that and busied herself gathering the rest of the wood. Having said his piece, Buck stalked off taking his kindling with him.
After she gathered enough wood for several fires, Shea sought out another task and then another after that until night fell.
Shea didn’t want to admit that Buck might have been slightly correct in his assessment. It had been so long since she’d been accepted or trusted by the people she led, that at the first sign of criticism, she shut down.
Even when Eamon and the other three rode back into camp, she kept to herself. Taking her dinner and leaving the comfort of the firelight to eat in solitude in the darkness.
Perhaps it was best to end things here before she got more involved. She’d never been particularly good at relating to others. Seemed things hadn’t changed.
She should continue with her original plan and look for her chance to slip away.
That night, she fought the sense of piercing loneliness as she stared up at the millions of tiny lights dotting the sky. Rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes and told herself she was okay with things. She didn’t need to rely or be relied on by the people around her. Things were fine just the way they were.
The next day Shea kept away from Eamon and the others, helping Perry’s men pack up the camp and then slipping in with his men as they moved out. Eamon, Buck and the others fell in at the back of the convoy.
Clark appeared beside her not long after they were under way, chattering nonstop. Shea gave noncommittal grunts during pauses in the conversation.
She covered a yawn. She hadn’t gotten a very good night’s sleep, and her eyes stung from the lack of rest.
The third time she nearly cracked her jaw on a yawn, Clark handed her a peeled stick.
“What’s this?”
“It’s yarrow root.”
That meant nothing to Shea.
She shook her head at him.
He grinned. “So I finally know something you don’t. I’ll have to write this down so I can remember it always.”
“You haven’t known me long enough for that statement to have merit,” Shea told him.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever. I’ve got this feeling we’re going to be good friends for a long time to come,” he told her with a mischievous smile.
“Well, don’t you sound confident.”
“You’ll see,” he told her. “I’m never wrong about these kinds of things.”
“He’s right,” Eamon said, riding up behind her. “He’s got a knack. Said the same thing to me when he was no bigger than my hip. Haven’t been able to shake him since.”