Yeah. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to feel like this, attached to someone I didn’t want to be with. This feeling was nasty, disgusting, and brought up a vortex of weakness and vulnerability, all the things I refused to harbor.
No matter where I looked, my gaze fell on happy couples and joyous families. Why didn’t I have any of this? My relationship with my parents left much to be desired. My relationships with most people were superficial at best. My relationship with a man was nonexistent. I could strive for anything in the world and get it…except this. My baby shower, although I cringed at the thought of having kids, would never be this amazing. Never this sort of turnout and outpouring of love from family and community. Close friends? Yes, of course. Anyone else? Not a chance.
I didn’t want this, though…did I? I practically hated many of these people, and yet the way they showed their gratitude toward Shilpa and Jahn peeled away all the layers in my soul and laid open the devastating black hole of emptiness, of wanting, of not belonging.
Ugh. How utterly annoying.
So I said my goodbyes, snuck over to thank Shilpa, and slipped away.
The air outside was humid, but the breeze helped. I slowly walked down the driveway to the street, my hands shaking as I fumbled for my keys and unlocked the car. It beeped twice as the faint sound of running caught my attention.
A hand landed on my car door, and I jumped, swerved around, and readied myself to punch.
“Whoa!” Jay said, craning back to avoid a near swing. He grinned when I blew out a breath.
“What are you doing scaring me like that?” I covered my pounding heart.
“Where are you going?” he asked, seemingly disappointed.
“Home.”
“Why?”
“I have a headache.” It wasn’t a lie. I touched my fingertips to my throbbing temple.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah. Just a headache. All this work, no sleep, too much coffee.”
“No. I mean with them.” He cocked his head toward the house, worry cresting over his features.
I crossed my arms and leaned against the car, my shoulder against the cold, metal frame. “You think they faze me?”
“Nothing fazes you. Did you have a good time, otherwise?”
“Yeah. I did.”
He leaned into his arm, still across the top of the door, and into me. Our eyes made contact, and we were both too stubborn to break first.
“What?” I asked, tapping my shoe as impatience weaved through me. “Don’t you have someone waiting to talk to you in there?”
His beautiful lips curled up. “You sound kind of jealous.”
I arched a brow. “I already turned you down, remember?”
“You make me not even want to ask you.”
“Ask me what?”
The front door opened, and Kaajal peered her pretty, nosy head out. She looked me up and down, and I expected her to passive-aggressively interrupt us.
“Hey,” Jay muttered, drawing me back to his light brown eyes.
“What?”
“Can you ignore them?”
“You mean your girlfriend?” I bit my cheek, hating that she even bothered me. At this, I expected Jay to step back, give Kaajal a reassuring word, and return to the party. But he did none of those things.
“I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m not interested in Kaajal.”
I casually shrugged, but the words came out bitter when I said, “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Then why are you suddenly tense?”
“No one is tense.”
“This isn’t tense?” he asked and took my wrists, gently shaking my fists loose and sending an electrifying jolt up my arms. His touch was warm, all-consuming, and suddenly I hungered for those hands all over me.
I had to gather myself before I could reply, “Are you sure that you want to be seen touching someone so unclean in front of your pious group?”
He moved in, mere inches from me, so close that his body heat and the slight scent of his mind-numbing cologne wrapped around my entire body, making it hard to breathe. But my lungs didn’t mind. They didn’t need air when he stood so close. Good lord, what was stupid Jay Shah doing to me?
“You look pretty clean to me.” He turned me to the side and leaned back to check me out. “Very nice.”
I hit his chest. “I bet there are a dozen people watching us through those curtains.”
He laughed. “Should we give them something to gossip about?”
Placing a hand against his hard chest, I pushed him. The man barely budged. “Get back to your party before the aunties drag you back inside,” I teased.
“Hey,” he said, taking my hand before I slipped into the car. “Go out with me.”
I scoffed. “Are you sure there wasn’t alcohol in those drinks?”
“Seriously, Liya. One date.”
“Why?”
“You have time for that answer? Because saying that I like you isn’t enough.”
Did the humidity spike? Because sweat beaded on the back of my neck. When was the last time a guy had made my stomach tie into knots? My entire body wanted to agree to his terms, but I had to stop myself and remember who we were. We would never work out, so why bother trying when it would lead to failure, to fights and heartbreak?
“No, Jay. I don’t want a date with you,” I said finally, swallowing the rancid lie down my throat. Glancing at the cross-armed Kaajal now flagrantly waiting on the porch, I replied, “She seems like a nice girl, though.”
I slid inside my car and closed the door. Jay didn’t move from the spot when I pulled away. Through the rearview mirror, I eyed him as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched me leave. Even when Kaajal appeared by his side, he kept his focus on me.
When I reached home, frustrated by the state of my neglected apartment, I took off my shoes and slipped out of my clothes on the way to the bedroom. My usual routine. Before I donned those sexy cleaning gloves to get on my knees and scrub the bathroom, I checked my texts out of habit.
My mouth, subsequently, dropped.
Preeti, Sana, and Reema had group texted me, and scrolling through the messages, a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and flattery pulsated through my veins.
The gist of the twenty-mile-long text chain was this: Jay had asked them to convince me to go out with him! The audacity! Who did he think he was, getting my friends involved? And to make matters worse, of course they were on Team Freaking Jay.
Reema: Do it.
Sana: Go out with him.
Preeti: What’ve you got to lose?
Sana: He’s so into you, we can tell.
Reema: He totally dismissed Kaajal.
All right, the last one made me smile.
Reema: Some auntie tried to grill him on why he was talking to you outside and he shut that down real quick.
I groaned. This was going to become some dramatic, unnecessarily huge ordeal that would add fodder to the gossip.
I tried to convince them to leave me alone, to let this all go, that I was not in the mood to date, much less get married. But they pushed back. For a while, the phone went silent and I scrubbed away, tossed laundry into the dryer, washed dishes, and pulled out the vacuum. Then someone rang the bell.