“But what if that’s what I want?”
His gaze fell upon me with penetrating eyes that pierced straight to my soul. “Is that all you really want from me?”
“It’s a start,” I teased.
He laughed. “I’m never quick. And meaningless? That doesn’t work for me.”
“Ah…so you tricked me?”
“Are you going to kick me out?”
I smiled, feeling those hardened layers around my emotions soften just the tiniest bit. All right. Fine. It wasn’t all that bad to have a decent man around, to know he wasn’t going to be another one-night stand. Not that it meant I was ready to admit such a thing out loud. “How would Kaajal feel about you being here?”
“She probably wouldn’t care. She was annoyed that I didn’t pay any attention to her during our coffee date,” he replied.
“Oh?”
“I was distracted.”
“By what?”
“By you. Waiting for you to walk in, wondering where you were, what was wrong.”
I sipped my glass of wine.
“I really missed you,” he confessed. Yeah, I had missed him, too.
Dragging my finger over the back of the couch in patterns, I admitted something to both myself and to Jay, not really knowing why I wanted to share. “I missed you, too. But you need to understand why this won’t work.” No more secrets. He had to know about Mukesh, about how awful things could get for his family if he chose me over Kaajal.
Jay caressed my leg. “I don’t care what others think. If it hurts you, I’ll talk to them, but only because I don’t want you to hurt.”
“So calm, aren’t you?”
“Well, I almost punched someone for saying something.”
“That is the problem, isn’t it? It bothers you. You shouldn’t have to defend me all the time. And what about your mom? I don’t want to be the cause of any pain if she heard how vicious some people can be toward me.”
“Ma is strong. She doesn’t take any crap.”
“Jay. There are some terrible things in my past. Things that almost destroyed me, things that destroyed my relationship with my parents. And they will come out.”
“So tell me first.”
I swallowed. Hard. How did someone go from never trusting a man to telling one about being assaulted? By the most respected man in the community? What if Jay didn’t believe me? I blinked back a tear, suddenly realizing how fast my breathing had become.
“It’s okay,” he said softly and took my free hand, the one that I’d clenched into a fist. “I’m not going to judge you or blame you.”
“Will you believe me, though?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“You say that now—”
He sighed. “Stop. We’re past this. Stop assuming how I’ll react.”
“Okay. How about I tell you in the morning? When I’m refreshed and less tired and mentally prepared?” Because even though I couldn’t quite bring myself to say everything aloud, I really wanted to tell Jay the truth that very few people knew.
“Deal. If…”
I groaned. There was always an “if.”
“If you answer this question: Are you sleeping with anyone now?” he asked, both gently and sternly.
“No.”
“Do you want to be?”
“Are you asking me to?” I bit my lower lip, which didn’t go unnoticed by Jay. Lord help me, it would be impossible to deny him if he even hinted with the slightest nod. How incredible would he feel? Even if he walked away the day after, or a few weeks later, or months down the line, having gotten all the physical goods before getting bored, this entire thing might still be worth it.
He explained, “I want to know if other men are coming around.”
“No,” I admitted. I was not even remotely interested in other men.
“Not even this guy you had a date with tonight?”
I swirled the wine in my glass and arched a brow.
“There was no guy, was there?”
“Can’t a girl treat herself?”
He leaned his head back and laughed, then said, “I want all of you. The bad liar, too.”
I pushed my foot against his chest, and his hand accidentally fell to my thigh, grazing my skin on the way to the cushion. He shifted across the couch so that I was snug against his chest.
Okay. This was unexpected. Him kissing my neck? Yes. But him holding me and caressing my arm? Totally new.
I rested my cheek against his shoulder and closed my eyes, trapping the tears. I was never meant to have someone this good, this decent. It would eventually end, and that would end me.
Jay brushed a thumb across the dampness of my cheek, and I startled.
“Are you crying?” he asked quietly, pulling away to look at me.
“Too much eye makeup and sleepiness makes my eyes water. I should wash my face.”
He kissed my cheek, his lips gentle against the wet trail. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Why don’t you find a movie and I’ll change?”
“All right.”
I washed off all the makeup and stared at my teary-eyed reflection in the mirror. Jay was genuine, and he really liked me for me? He still wanted me, still chose me over another woman as the one to bring home to his perfect family?
I managed to control my emotions and slipped into pajamas. Not the everyday ones: a pair of dark green bottoms and a matching three-quarter-sleeved top. Not the intimate ones: an assortment of revealing, lacy lingerie. But the nice ones. The kind I wore to sleepovers with the girls or when I wanted to feel nice all on my own: gray, white, and pink pinstriped short cotton shorts and a pink tank top.
Jay sucked in a breath when I returned. He pulled down the throw from the side of the couch and covered me.
“Okay…What’s wrong now?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
I threw off the sweltering blanket, letting it lie in my lap as the movie began. Jay glanced at me through the corner of his eye, biting his nail, and keeping to himself.
“Spill it,” I demanded.
“Liya, you’re making it very difficult for me not to take you into your room.”
My gut clenched. “I thought you didn’t want to have sex with me.”
“I wouldn’t have sex with you,” he said so matter-of-factly that a hefty dose of pain shot through me. “We’d make love. We’d turn down that bed. I’d have you making all kinds of noises and calling out my name like you’d lost your mind.”
“You sure are full of yourself.”
“And you’d be full of me.”
I swallowed. “Why are you holding back, then?”
He grinned. “I’ve got other parts of you to unlock first. Doesn’t mean I’m not turned on by you.”
I grinned and slid the blanket off my shorts. “Does this bother you?”
“Testing me, woman.”
I laughed, and although he kept his hands to himself, after a while, I bundled up as the night chilled. Only then did Jay wrap his arm around my shoulder and hug me, tender and protective, and all the things that made me warm inside. All the things men had never offered.