“I’m not sure if we’re talking about the same thing,” I return cautiously, even as my eyes are scrunching shut and I’m crossing my fingers.
If I wanted someone to know before Dean, it would be my mom. She’s the coolest.
“Okay. So, we’re not talking about Dean and how you picked a college in L.A., so you can be close to him. And how you’re driving to New York just so you can spend some time together. Because apparently, he’s always working,” Mom says with a smile in her voice. “So, that’s not what we’re talking about, right?”
See, mind reader.
I fold my legs, crisscrossing them, and chew on my nail. “How long have you known?”
“I’ll tell you if you stop chewing on your nails.”
I whip my finger out of my mouth. “God, you’re spooky. Anyway, tell me. How long?”
She sighs. “Always.”
“How? Even I didn’t know.”
“I’ve always known, Fallon. I guess I have a sense for these things. And if it were someone else, then I probably would have a problem with it because, well, you’re young and he’s older—much older. But it’s Dean, you know? He’s like my other son and I know him. I’ve watched him grow up.”
It’s true. When Dean was twelve, he met my dad accidentally and since then, my dad has always tried to be there for Dean and his sister. Because Dean’s own father has hardly been a part of their lives. From what I hear, his dad completely checked out when Dean’s mom died, and he threw himself into his work.
My heart hurts for Dean and Mia. When I think of how lonely they must have felt, how the responsibility of bringing Mia up must have fallen on Dean’s shoulders. Thank God for my mom and dad, stepping up and helping.
“Do you…” I bring my knees up and sit back against the headboard. “Do you think he loves me too?”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I mean, sometimes I feel that he does but… I don’t know, Mom. What if he doesn’t?”
“You’re never going to know if you don’t ask, honey. Besides, that’s why you came up with this insane idea anyway, right?”
“Okay, why does everyone keep calling it an insane idea? People take road trips all the time, okay? It’s not that insane.”
“Yeah, tell that to your dad. He’s losing his mind over here.”
I gasp. “Mom, please don’t tell Dad. Please don’t tell him I love Dean. Please? He’ll lose his shit.”
“Language,” she chastises. “And no. I’m not saying anything to your dad. Believe it or not, I’m kind of scared of him too.”
“Oh please. Dad worships you. He can never be mad at you, like, ever.”
“Well, yeah. Your dad does worship me.”
She giggles at that. Apparently, Dad’s the only person who can make her giggle.
They met in the unlikeliest of places: a psychiatric ward. When my mom was eighteen, she went through a major depressive episode that led to her attempting suicide. So she was sent to Heartstone Psychiatric Hospital, where my dad worked as a lead psychiatrist.
I, for one, love their love story. I love how my silent, seemingly unemotional dad fell in love with my quirky, cute mom. I love how my dad, who hardly ever smiles, laughs when my mom is around. I can see it in his eyes, how much he loves her, how much he admires her.
Sometimes I feel like Dean looks at me that way but maybe it could be the imaginings of a lovesick girl.
“Mom? Everything’s gonna be okay, right?”
“Yes. You know why? Because life’s full of possibilities.”
“Even for people like us?”
“Yes. Even for people like us.”
I have tears in my eyes and I know she has them too. But then I hear my dad’s voice in the background—he must have just come into the room—asking who my mom is talking to.
“Fallon?” My dad says when Mom passes the phone to him.
“Dad. Hey.”
“Hey, kiddo. How are you?”
“I’m good.”
“Did you eat?”
“Yup.”
“Meds?”
I laugh. “I took them. I’m fine, I promise.”
He sighs. I can imagine him straightening his glasses. “Where you’re staying… Dean sent me the location. Is it a good place? I’ve been looking at it online—”
“Dad, I’m fine. I told you. Stop worrying. I’m having fun.”
“Next time have fun on a plane, you understand? We’ve been worried. Five days, Fallon. That’s not a joke. Especially when you can be here in six hours.”
I go to say something, but I hear my mom reprimanding him. Stop being such a hardass, Simon. Let her have fun.
She can have just as much fun on a plane. Why does she have to drive three thousand miles to have fun? Do you have any idea the things that could happen on a road trip? I was reading this article online—
Gosh, you’re such a nerd. Stop. It’s fine.
Did you just call me a nerd, Willow?
Yes.
Yeah. I don’t think I like that very much.
What’re you gonna do about it?
You don’t want to know.
I’m not afraid of you…
I can’t hear anything after that because the phone’s snatched by my brother, Brendan, who’s four years younger than me. Brendan means ‘son of a king,’ and apparently my mom used to call my dad, her psychiatrist, Ice King. So, she picked his name with that thought in mind.
“Ugh, Mom and Dad are being gross again,” he says, forgoing his greeting.
I laugh. “When are they not being gross? But it’s better than having parents who fight all the time.”
“I guess…”
We talk for a little bit before I hang up and hug myself. Gosh, I miss my family. Moving to California was an easy decision for me. I was doing it for Dean. But actually living there, so far from the other people I love, is hard.
The only person who can make it better is on the other side of this wall and I can’t wait another second to be with him.
Mom’s right. I’m never gonna know if I don’t ask.
I’m going to go ask Dean. Although first, I need appropriate clothes. Giggling because apparently, Dean makes me a giggler too, I get to work.
He’s not going to know what hit him.
He’s awake.
Good.
There’s light under his door so I knock on it, trying to tamp down my excitement.
A few seconds later, Dean opens it and there’s no use even trying to control my heartbeats. They’re not going to slow down, no matter what I do. My heart isn’t mine. It’s his. It belongs to this man in front of me.
“Fallon?” Dean asks with a frown and a concerned voice.
“Hey,” I breathe.
He looks up and down the brown-carpeted corridor. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”