I’m gonna marry you someday, Bee.
He kept a calendar in the tack room of the stable, crossing off the days until the public notice was finished. His fears are the same as mine. If Howard returns, we’ll lose everything, but I have faith we wouldn’t lose each other. Had. Silly, foolish faith.
I shudder and shake my head.
“You obviously aren’t there,” I whisper, realizing my stranger guest isn’t present, and once again, I’ve been left behind. Tears cascade down my cheeks, and I briskly wipe them away.
I turn as I hear a vehicle drive over the gravel outside the barn. Jedd, my heart leaps inside my chest, thrilled and relieved by his return for a brief second until I recall what Hannah told me.
I saw Jedd with another woman.
I want her to be wrong.
Yet history tells me she’s right.
I hold my breath until the vehicle passes. It makes sense that Jedd would take Tower to the barn first and acquaint him with his pride and joy—the stable.
It’s all he wanted from you, Beverly, my mind reminds me.
Then why’d he take the rest? my body questions.
Because you’re a fool, and you always have been when it comes to men, my heart scolds.
Once the crunch of gravel falls silent, and I know Jedd’s down at the stable, I exit the barn and head for my second haven, my greenhouse. Inside the warm walls, I remove my coat and busy my hands in hopes to rid my brain of all thoughts.
Idle hands are the devil’s tools.
Pulling forth a plastic tray with thirty-six pockets, I fill the flat with potting soil and begin the tedious work of placing one seed at a time in the miniature pots. I already have rows of seedlings. My hope is the annual blue salvia will take, as it’s a hardy plant that attracts butterflies. I’m out of practice at growing from seed, but the pods should break and grow into stems, reaching with grabby hands for the sun as filtered warm makes them cozy inside this glass hut. The change will be slow but steady as young plants burst into independent stalks, growing taller each day, stronger as leaves pop. Working upward until the buds appear, blooms will ready for blossoming, and then I’ll move them outdoors to the fresh air, free from the confines of a plastic container.
The process reminds me of a child growing older, and my thoughts drift through snapshots of Hannah over the years. Her progression from pink tutus to choir girl to stripper. My eyes well with tears once again for all I haven’t given my girl. Independence. Space to reach her full potential. Fresh air. I don’t know why she stays with me.
We’ve both been confined too long, smothered under this farm, and while I don’t want to sell and never have, it might be time to reconsider once I’m divorced. Letting go of the property cuts the final cord to Howard, who won’t note the absence of the land or sale of the house as he isn’t present. I could find some other place, smaller, maybe one level, with only a little bit of a yard instead of acres. Looking up and around the greenhouse, I wonder if it can be moved, how much would it cost, and if I even want the reminder of it.
Another gift from Jedd. Who was seen with another woman.
I blink away more tears, cursing my weepiness. “There must be something in the air,” I say into the silence around me as I dust off my hands and reach for my jacket. I decide to skip the coat as I’m warm from working under the heated glass. Instead, I drape the heavy material over my arm and slip my hands through the braces. I’ve gotten better at carrying light loads in this manner.
Stepping out of the warm hut, I freeze when I see a car in the gravel drive and a man standing near it. My heart skips a beat, and I realize I’m not ready to face Jedd. I know we need to talk. I know there’s an explanation. There’s always an excuse to be had, but I’m not ready for the painful truth that he wants someone else.
As I take a step forward, I realize the man near the sedan isn’t Jedd, though.
Despite my recently busy hands, it’s the devil himself looking as charming as ever.
“Howard?”
Chapter Thirty-Three
[Beverly]
“Howard?”
Before me stands my ex-husband. Husband! I remind myself. He looks dashing in a suit until closer inspection. His hands are thin. His hair is as well. His skin appears gray, and the wrinkles around his eyes are deep. But his smile is still the same as ever—that damn smile that got me in trouble—because I believed the lies passing through his too-white teeth and the puffy, pink lips that could kiss like the devil.
Howard is the devil in my eyes, and I wonder what the hell he’s doing here.
“Beverly?” he questions, and I notice he’s holding that smile a little longer than necessary. My appearance surprises him just as much. I’m no longer the sun-streaked brunette but shockingly white and silver. “It’s so good to see you, baby.”
I want to vomit, and my fingers clutch tighter at the hand supports within my braces. I sway forward, and that’s when Howard’s eyes travel south. My jacket has fallen off my arm, landing on the gravel drive, but I don’t feel the cold around me. My blood boils.
“What are you doing here?” I question, unable to take my eyes off his pinched grin. I bet he wants to ask what happened to me as if he doesn’t know. As if he had no clue I’d ever been in an accident.
“I heard you were looking for me.” The tic to his jaw hints at his lie.
“I’m looking for a divorce,” I blurt. Not you, no longer you.
“I think we should talk,” he retorts.
There are plenty of words I want to say to him, but talking really isn’t on my list of things to do with Howard Townsen. I’ve never wanted to beat a man with my crutch more, but at the same time, I’m having a surreal, out-of-body experience, telling myself I must be dreaming this moment. Howard cannot possibly be standing before me.
The silence that surrounds his declaration to talk is broken by the heavy thud of something crunching over the gravel drive behind me. As if I’m underwater, I hear my name called out, but I can’t turn away from the snake before me. Howard’s eyes shift over my shoulder, and slowly, his forced façade falls.
“Beverly,” I hear shouted again.
“Bee,” follows as the voice gets closer. The thundering crush of gravel comes to a halt as Jedd rushes up behind me. His hand comes to my lower back, but I flinch away from him.
Jedd. Who was with another woman. The devil has a twin, and I refuse to look at him.
I’d never believe in a million years I’d be standing face to face with the two men who’ve crushed my heart. I only need Vernon to appear, and I’ll have a trifecta. Swallowing back the hysterical laughter threatening to escape, I shift my head from Jedd to Howard and back.
“Howard?” Jedd questions.
“Jedd Flemming?” Howard inquires, equally surprised and giving him a nod as if recognition comes quick. I recall that somehow, Jedd knows Howard.
He wasn’t a friend, Jedd assured me, but what he was I don’t know. However, the tension between them might be thicker than the air between Howard and me.
“What’s he doing here?” Howard asks, running his eyes up and down Jedd.
“He built a stable on the farm,” I state, kicking myself for offering Howard any information. The farm is no longer his concern. It hasn’t been for twenty years.