I spent my entire life fighting against any comparisons to that man and his temper, proving to myself that I would be a better man, was a better man, and had a better future in store.
And here I was with the same bowed head, mouth salty with the same regret. I’d have to atone for what I’d done, while my mother was at her most vulnerable.
I didn’t deserve the life I’d planned with Zora. I couldn’t be sure now that I was actually any different than my father before me. And there was no way, after what I’d done tonight, that I’d make it out of Green Valley unscathed. Never mind the plans we’d made together. Eighteen years old, and in one night, I’d ruined my future.
Our future.
How could I even begin to pick up the pieces for my mother, to take care of her? Would I even be able to?
And what were these hands capable of?
I had to do the right thing. And I couldn’t let doing the right thing hold Zora back.
The Leffersbees rushed back in, mouths set in grim lines. Mrs. Leffersbee blinked back tears as she settled in the seat next to me. Her arms went around me, but I was a block of ice—too cold, too stiff to lean into the embrace. Mr. Leffersbee came to a crouch in front of me. His bloodshot gaze met mine.
“What do you need, son? We’re here for you. Whatever you need.”
I worked to bring the words up. “Is Zora with you? Does she know?”
They exchanged glances. “No,” Mrs. Leffersbee said, very quietly. “We didn’t tell any of the kids, we just left as soon as we got the call. The sheriff just filled us in.”
I nodded, returning my gaze to the floor. Good. I couldn’t do what had to be done with Zora here. If I set eyes on her, I wouldn’t be able to leave her. I had to do what was right.
The inevitability of this moment and the decision I had to make finally burst the bubble. Suddenly I felt everything. The pain in my ribs, ache in my jaw, hitch in my breathing, dull ache in my chest.
I couldn’t see Mr. Leffersbee anymore when I finally lifted my gaze, not with the film of tears in my eyes. Someone’s hand rested on my knee. I took in a breath and relished the resulting burn. I welcomed the pain. I hoped it stayed with me forever. It would be all that I had left of Zora.
I ran my forearm against my eyes and met Mr. Leffersbee’s eyes like the man I had to be, and I said the words that would seal my fate.
Our fate.
“I need your help.”