Wyatt was speechless. Her dedication blew him away.
“Hiring a manager is just as important as his camps,” she said. “A manager will eliminate some of the busywork the bar creates, but more importantly, I’ll be able to stay home with Cooper at night. I can be the one giving him baths and reading to him before bed. I can be the one he wakes up to, the one who makes him breakfast. That’s designing a life around my kid, not fitting my kid into my life.”
“I’m beginning to see your point,” he said.
“I know what it feels like to be an afterthought, and I never want Cooper to feel that way. I want my son to know that he is always my first priority. That nothing in my life is more important than him, and that I’ll always be there when he needs me, no matter how big or small that need may be.”
“Wow. The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.” He tried putting Belle at the center of his life, but the scenario just kept hitting walls. “I don’t mean for this to sound…”
When he didn’t go on, she shifted, crossing her ankles. Her body moved against his, just arm to arm, thigh to thigh, but it still warmed him and made him think about wanting more.
“It’s me, Wyatt.” She turned her head and met his gaze. “Just say what you’re thinking.”
That’s when he realized she was the only woman he could talk to like this, and the intimacy brought another wave of desire. What he really wanted was to postpone this conversation and kiss her. But he was afraid that would end with the front door of her house slamming in his face after he’d collected Belle.
“I see what you’re saying,” he said, “but running a bar isn’t exactly the same as touring.”
She held his gaze a moment, as if waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, she said, “I’m just going to get the elephant in the room out of the way. The bottom line here is that if you love Belle the way she deserves to be loved, your life won’t look like it did last week. The sooner you accept that, the easier this will be. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. Cooper has brought immeasurable joy into my life. Sure, it’s complicated. It’s hard to take care of him on my own, but when I make him my first priority, I find that life seems to fall into place easier.”
He heaved a sigh and looked at the sky again, hoping to get kissing off his mind. “To be honest, I’m not sure if I should have signed those papers. I’m starting to think taking responsibility for Belle might not be in her best interest. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent, let alone a parent to a little girl.”
“It sounds like you’re the best chance Belle has at having a parent in her life, and she’s going to need someone who loves her as much as you obviously do to deal with all the shit her parents put her through by leaving. That’s the kind of thing that sticks with you and filters the way you look at life.”
“That only makes it worse. Raising a well-adjusted kid is hard enough. Raising one with these kinds of issues… I’m clueless. My parents have always created a solid, unified front. They’ve supported me in everything I’ve ever wanted to do. I always felt loved. I always felt important.”
“That’s exactly what Belle needs, what you had. If you raise her the way your parents raised you, she’ll have everything she needs.”
“Will she?” he asked, half to himself. “Brody was raised the same way, and look how that turned out.”
Gypsy rolled to her side, facing him. She laid her hand on his chest, and Wyatt automatically wrapped her hand in his. “Why do you carry so much guilt over Brody’s death?”
He let all his air out. He’d never talked about this to anyone. It was something he carried deep inside his heart. Something that weighed him down. If he was going to tell anyone, it would be Gypsy.
“I just… I wasn’t here when he needed me. And I know you’re right about the stigma of depression and how it can keep people from seeking help. But that wasn’t the only time I wasn’t there for him.” He stopped, collecting his thoughts, and Gypsy remained quiet and attentive. “Growing up, I always got more attention. Not from our parents, really. They treated us the same mostly, but I was always the extrovert, and Brody was an introvert. He just… I feel like he spent his life in my shadow.”
He’d never said those words out loud, and they tightened Wyatt’s throat.
“I was always good at everything—I’m not saying that to be conceited, I just mean that things came easily to me. Sports, grades, music, friends, girls. Brody always struggled. Looking back, I know I siphoned my parents’ attention from him. I mean, they expended the same amount of energy on us, but it was different. Like, they’d spend time taking me to games and rehearsals while they took Brody to psychiatrists and therapists. They fussed over my milestones the way they fussed over Brody’s medication. There wasn’t any way they could change that. I was who I was, and I needed what I needed. Brody was who he was, and he needed what he needed. But there’s no doubt in my mind that it affected him. When all my attention was positive and all his was negative, there’s no way that could just roll off someone’s back.”
A boulder of regret sat on his chest. He squeezed Gypsy’s hand and turned his head to look at her again. “I don’t want Belle to grow up in my shadow. And knowing she’s already going to have issues over her parents leaving only makes me an even worse choice to raise her.”
Gypsy’s expression went soft. “Wyatt.” She gave his hand a squeeze, and he grew terrified she was going to say he was acting stupid. “You’re really amazing.”
He waited a beat. “Amazing cool or amazing stupid?”
She smiled, then sobered. “You already know this, but I feel the need to remind you that there is no way you can take responsibility for Brody’s decisions. Like you said, he was raised the same way, with all the support and love your parents could provide, which sounds like it was substantial. And from what I’ve heard you say over the years at the bar, you and Brody were always close, despite his issues.”
He’d thought so, but after Brody killed himself without trying to talk out his problems with Wyatt, he doubted their relationship. And if that relationship had failed to provide Brody with what he needed, it was Wyatt’s fault for being so career driven.
“Your fears about raising Belle are totally normal. I was terrified when I thought about being a mom. Everything you’ve told me only makes it clear that you’re the best choice—the only choice—for Belle. You don’t have to be perfect. You only have to be you and keep her as the focus in your life. Everything else will work itself out.”
He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.
“Parenting is a lot more instinctual than you think,” she told him. “And you have those instincts. You’ve always been good with Cooper. Ever since he was a baby, you’ve known what to do to make him happy. How many times did you come into the bar when it was supposed to be closed?”
“Enough to warrant a bill for all the extra hours.”
She laughed. “Not a bad idea, but not my point. I’d be carrying Cooper around in the front sling, and he’d be fussing. You’d take him from me, hold him in one arm while you use the other hand to pull yourself a beer, all while bouncing him and singing to him until he stopped crying. When he got older, you took him from under my feet and always found some way to entertain him until I was finished working.”