Anna shoved her hand deep into her bowl of popcorn. “It’s like a train wreck.”
I glanced at Anna, who was sitting beside me on the couch. Two months earlier, falling in love was incomprehensible. I tried to imagine it happening without meeting her. To chat online, develop a feel for who she was, and allow myself to become attached to her. To me, it made no sense, whatsoever.
Touching her. Feeling her skin against mine. Holding her in my arms. Seeing her smile when I spoke. The warmth I felt when she looked at me for answers, and the joy I saw in her eyes when I complimented her on yet another spectacular meal. All absent. The sensation that rushed through me when we kissed, non-existent.
I’d never felt such desire—or necessity—to have another person be part of my life. It was unimaginable to live a life without her in it.
“Anna,” I muttered.
She took a quick glance in my direction. “What?”
“I didn’t love her,” I said.
Her face washed with confusion. “What?”
“My first wife,” I said. “I never loved her.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Hap chimed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I didn’t love her,” I said, glancing at Hap and then at Anna. “Now that I know what love is, I know I never lover her. This is a first for me. That’s all. No big deal.”
“Shut your pie hole, lovebird,” Hap said. “Show’s back on.”
Anna kissed me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The show’s next scene followed the travels of “Big Ed”, a mid-fifties So-Cal native from San Diego who had fallen in love with “Rose”, a Filipina twenty-year-old woman who had one child from a previous relationship.
Rose expressed during their Facebook chats—prior to meeting face-to-face—that she wished to have more children. At the time, Ed took no objection to her desires. After flying to the Philippines, having sex with her, and spending time with her family, he admitted that it was his intention all along to get a vasectomy as soon as he returned to Southern California.
“That fat little prick needs his cock snipped, not his balls,” Hap seethed. “Sick fucking bastard flew down there to knock off a young piece of Filipino ass, that’s all. Take a look at her face.” He pointed at the television. “She’s done. It’s over between them.”
“I agree,” Anna said. “Rose isn’t coming back from this one. Ed lied to her one too many times.”
“I thought she was done when that little troll handed her a toothbrush and said, ‘Here, your breath stinks.’” Hap added. “He’s got no tact, whatsoever.”
“It’s pretty obvious to me that the people on this show are of two types,” I said. “The US citizen who is unlikely to find anyone interested in them through the normal course of living life, and the foreigner who wants to become a US citizen and is willing to get married to do so.”
“Agreed,” Hap said. “They’re getting married to obtain citizenship. They ought to do a follow up and show us how many of these nitwits are still married five years down the road. It’d be void of any participants.”
“They have another show,” Anna said excitedly. “It’s called After the 90 Days.”
“I’m guessing this short little mayonnaise-haired no-neck having prick isn’t going to be on that show,” Hap snarled. “Because these two aren’t getting married in the first place. There’s no love between these two.”
“This show’s entertaining, but none of them are going to make it,” I interjected. “They’ve got 90 days. That’s not enough time to commit marriage to one another.”
“Neither love nor marriage has a time requirement,” Hap argued as he watched Big Ed and Rose argue. “Two people can fall in love over a weekend together. If they’re willing to make the commitment, they could get married the next weekend. A marriage’s success requires two elements. Love, and a willingness to fulfil a commitment. Time doesn’t enter into the equation.”
I gave Hap a look. “I’m confused, Old Man. You’re saying these people can or can’t be in love?”
“This show is filled with deficiencies.” He shifted his attention from the television to me. “Love ought to be developed, naturally. Claiming it happens online with someone you’ve never met is wishful thinking on the part of the numbskull who’s thinking it. Fucktards like this give love a bad name. Doesn’t say much about the covenant of marriage, either.”
“Love lessons from Hap Rourke,” I said with a laugh.
“Faithful to your mother for forty-plus years.” He pridefully puffed his chest. “Ought to be enough of an accomplishment to get a little recognition from a man who admits that he didn’t even love his first wife, that’s for goddamned sure.”
“I was joking,” I said.
His wiry brows raised. “About the time necessary to fall in love, about your first marriage, or about my inability to give love lessons?”
“Don’t be difficult, Old Man.”
“Nothing difficult about what I said, or how I said it,” he argued. “Marriage isn’t something that should ever be done for the sake of convenience or financial gain.”
“If that’s the case, none of the people on this show ought to be getting married. Is that your opinion? That they shouldn’t be allowed to?”
“Marriage should be set aside for those who are in love.” He wagged his finger at me. “But only if they’re willing to devote themselves to a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice. If they are, and they do, the rewards are monumental. If they’re not, they end up fifty years old with a shitty head of hair, a physique they’re not proud of, and a respective other who is out searching for someone better each time she goes to get groceries.”
“My physique’s improving,” I declared. “I’ve gained 7 pounds.”
“I’m not talking about you, Dipshit,” he snarled. “I was talking about the dipshit on television.”
“Oh.”
“You two ought to be married,” he said, rising from his seat as he spoke. “Even a blind man could see that you’re in love. All it gets down to is your willingness to commit.” He gave me a lingering look before glancing at Anna. “Pause that idiot box my dear, it’s dinnertime.”
I looked at Anna, and she at me. Without speaking, we shared a moment.
If my father were right, Anna and I could spend the rest of our lives together. If he were wrong, I’d suffer a heartbreak.
I had no idea if he were wrong or right, but I knew I couldn’t survive another broken heart.
Anna
“This staying at home business might be frustrating,” Marge said, pausing from her task of sweeping the sidewalk. “But no matter how bad things get, there’s always a grain of good amongst the pebbles of bad. It’s only a matter of finding it.”
“I suppose.”
She patted me on the shoulder. “You’re frustrated, but you’re not alone. The entire country is frustrated. They’re revolting in Michigan, demanding that the governor open up the state.”