“Seriously, you’re going to make her—”
“You think just because Levi is in his room sulking like a little bitch that tradition takes a backseat? Oh, hell no.” He handed Phoebe a cup and poured her a generous shot.
“I’m not... I don’t...” She sniffed the contents, blanching.
“You don’t have to do it,” I said.
“Sure, she does.”
Phoebe ignored Hudson, asking me, “Did you do it?”
“I did. It’s not my proudest moment.” I grimaced. It felt so long ago, even though it was only a few weeks. So much had happened.
“It’s not spiked or anything like that?”
“Jesus, what do you take me for? If I wanted to get you into bed, I wouldn’t need to roofie you.”
“I’m not...” Phoebe’s cheeks burned. “You’re a lot to handle.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet, darling.” Hudson raised his cup. “Shall we?” He touched it to the edge of hers before raising it to his lips. Phoebe hesitated but then knocked it back in one.
“Wow, okay, I’d forgotten how badly that stuff burns,” she breathed. “Water, I need water.”
Everyone laughed while Hudson got her a bottle of water. “Congratulations, new girl, you’re officially one of us now.” He winked at her. “Welcome to the crazy.”
“One of us and therefore, off limits.” Letty gave him a pointed look.
“You think... me... and the new girl.” His eyes widened. “No offense, but you’re not my type.”
“None taken.” Phoebe shrugged. “You’re not mine either.”
“Ooh, burn.” Letty slapped the table. “I like you already.” She flashed Phoebe a grin.
“You have a type now?” Damon had kicked his feet up on the table and reclined back in the chair.
“Sure, he does. Her name starts with a M and ends with a—”
“Fuck you, traitor.” Hudson balled up a chip packet and threw it at Rafe’s head. “I think I’m going to call it a night. The party’s dead and I need my beauty sleep.”
“He’s still hung up on Molly,” Rafe whispered.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.” Hudson yelled as he disappeared into the bathroom.
“Who’s Molly?” Phoebe asked. She had that starstruck look, as if she couldn’t quite believe she was sitting on a tour bus hanging out with Black Hearts Still Beat.
I knew the feeling well.
“She’s my best friend. She and Hudson had... a thing.” I turned in toward Rafe. “Am I allowed to say that?”
He chuckled. “She works for the label. She’ll know all our secrets before the tour is over.”
“I guess.” I smiled around a yawn. “Sleep doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I guess I’ll be takin’ one of the bunks...”
“Cute, Eva. Real cute.” Damon smirked. “Like you didn’t know the minute you stepped foot on the bus that you and Rafe would be stealing the other bedroom.”
“I didn’t want to presume.” I fought a grin.
“Ladies,” Damon addressed Letty and Phoebe. “I hope you brought earplugs.”
“Hey,” I cried. “You can’t say stuff like that.” My cheeks heated.
“Relax, Eva. I was talking about Hudson’s snoring.” Damon wore a knowing smile.
Rafe dipped his head and nuzzled my neck. “Don’t worry, Starshine,” he whispered, his words for my ears only. “I promise not to make you scream.”
My breath caught, my stomach clenching, as I sat there wondering what the hell I’d let myself in for ever setting foot on this bus.
“This is cozy.” I brushed my nose over Rafe’s jaw. The bedroom, if you could call it that, was steeped in darkness. I could just make out the lines of his face, guided by the glint of metal in his lip.
He let out a small breath, running his hand over my hip, dragging me closer. “I want to love you, Eva, I do...”
“It’s okay.” I kissed the corner of his mouth. “We have all the time in the world, right? I think all I want right now is for you to hold me.” I was tired too. Emotionally drained from the events of the night, the dark Levi-shaped cloud still circling us.
“Always.” I heard him swallow.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“I just... Jesus, Eva. When I saw that guy with his hands on you...”
“Ssh.” I touched my finger to his lips. “Don’t do this, please.”
Rafe hooked his arm around my body and crushed me against his chest. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“It’s not about being deserving, Rafe. It’s about finding the missing half of your soul.”
“You think I’m your soulmate?” There was no humor in his words, but there was plenty of doubt.
“I’m not sayin’ that... I’m just sayin’ I like to think we came into each other’s lives for a reason. I was in a dark place when I met you, Rafe. I was lost and you anchored me.”
Silence enveloped us. Then Rafe started humming, his voice dancing over my skin like a warm breeze. “She’s just a lost girl, drowning in space. Nowhere to run, nowhere to go. All she needs is an anchor, someone to reach out and pull. Take my hand, I’ll be the one...”
“What is that?” I pushed up onto my elbow. “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s nothing, just words.” Rafe leaned up to kiss me.
I eased back, raising a brow. “It didn’t sound like nothing; it sounded like something.”
Even in the darkness, I could sense him shutting down. I knew things were different now. There was an us and them now. We’d done that. The band could make jokes and brush it under the rug, but it didn’t change the fact we were all treading uncharted waters.
There was something else going on with Rafe though. I wanted to desperately push him to tell me, to talk it over. But I knew better than most people, that sometimes a person needed time and space to deal with things in their own way.
“Do you think Hudson and Molly will ever sort out their crap?” I asked, changing the subject.
Rafe tucked me back into the crook of his arm, so we were lying side by side, staring up at the ceiling. “Hudson isn’t the settling down type.”
“What happened to him?”
“That’s not my story to tell, Eva. Even if he wanted to make a go of it with Molly, and I think a part of him does, he will screw it up. It’s what he does.”
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“It’s the truth. I’ve known Hudson a long time and the second things get too real, he bails. Foster carers, therapists, girls...”
“He’s never bailed on you.”
“That’s different, we’re the only family he has.” Rafe ran his fingers up and down my arm as if he was playing the lines of my skin.
“I really swooped in and messed things up, didn’t I?” A heavy weight settled in my chest. I wasn’t sorry I’d met Rafe; how could I be when he’d had a hand in helping me find myself again? But I did hate that things with Levi and the band were so complicated.