It had to be late into the evening on Saturday night, and I was utterly exhausted. I prayed Michelle was going out with her boyfriend, so she’d stop looking at me with that pitiful sympathetic expression on her face. I just wanted to be alone, fall into unconsciousness and stop thinking. I wanted to stop feeling.
Luke had called or texted almost as much as Jax had been doing, but I didn’t want to talk to either of them. Luke worked so closely with Jax and he was the first one to assume the worst of him. I was just tired of hearing it. Two years working together had to give him a good sense of Jaxon’s true character. Ugh. I moaned as the realization sunk in.
I didn’t want to call my parents. They’d just lecture me about how stupid I was to hand over my manuscript so trustingly and sign a contract without having a lawyer look it over. It wouldn’t matter that I was in love and I didn’t think there was any chance Jax would take advantage of me or deliver me to someone who would use me so badly.
I put my hand to my aching head and acknowledged I had to get out of the tub. The water was barely lukewarm, and I’d drained some out and added more hot water by increments until the water heater was barren.
For the first time in almost three years, I hated this apartment. I hated New York. I hated writing. I hated Jax for being so fucking perfect that I let the stars in my eyes blind me like every other idiot woman that laid eyes on him or read his books. Most of all, I hated myself for being so dumb.
A loud knock on the door startled me. Water splashed over the side of the tub as my body jerked. “Addy! Mark wants to go out and it’s too late for me to take a shower, but I want to know you’re okay before I go!”
“I’m okay,” I answered, pushing out of the tub and starting to rise. I spoke loud enough to make sure she could hear me this time. “I’m sorry that I took so long in here.”
The towel I had laid by the tub was now soggy on one side from the water that sloshed from the tub. I picked it up and wrung it out over the now draining bath. The toilet seat was closed, and absently, I sank down on it, half assed draping the damp towel around my body.
“Are you coming out?” Michelle asked, concerned.
“Yes. I will in a couple of minutes. You go ahead and go.”
My eyes focused on the wrinkled skin of my fingers and I couldn’t help but wonder how long I’d been soaking in the water. I’d wanted time to pass until it didn’t hurt so much.
“Can you at least open the door?”
The bathroom was small enough that I could simply lean forward from my sitting position, unlock it and turn the knob. I opened it about five inches. “See? I’m out.”
“Do you want to come with us? We’re just going to grab a bite to eat and go to a movie.”
I shook my head. “Nah,” I muttered. “Thanks, though.”
“Maybe I should stay in with you?”
My hair was still in the messy bun I’d created on Friday morning, but there were wet tendrils hanging down around my face and neck, probably full of snarls. “I just want to go to sleep. I have a headache and I’m going to take some Ibuprofen and crawl into bed. I think I’ll binge-watch something on Netflix.”
“Are you sure? You look like shit.”
I stood and wrapped the towel closer around me and pulled the door all the way open, passing my friend who was clearly eyeing me closely. “All the more reason to stay in. I just don’t want to be around people tonight. I have a lot to process and I have to figure things out.”
Michelle was dressed in skinny jeans, an over-sized moss green sweater and black high-heeled ankle boots. Her blonde hair had big wavy curls and her make-up was light.
“I know.” Her expression was sad. “I know it’s not my place, but you really should call the professor. I know you don’t want to know what he said, but you need to hear this. Addy. He said he’d fix it, but he said if the ghostwriter thing is in your contract, he might not be able to.” She blurted the words before I could stop her. “There was more to it, but I can’t remember it all.”
I hunted down the remote to the small flat screen and then crawled into my twin bed, wet towel and all. “Okay,” was all I said, but my mind argued that this should never have happened in the first place. “Well, it is in the fine print of my contract. I guess… I’m screwed,” I said, simply, offering a defeated shrug. “Cest la vie”.
I was staring straight at the TV, as I flipped it on and started searching through the channels. I just wanted some white background noise that would allow me to sleep and not think.
Michelle hovered at the foot of my bed. “I bet he will still do what he can, Addy. You should have seen him. I’d never seen him out of a suit, but he was wearing this big mountain man parka and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in two days. It was the first time I’d seen him without his hair perfect and dressed so unkempt, and, well, he looked… tormented.”
I sucked in a slow, deep breath. My lungs hurt as they filled and exhaled just as slowly. Good! My heart screamed as I continued to flip through the channels, not really seeing them. My eyes blurred with a fresh batch of tears. “I’ll think about it. You just go have fun with Mark.”
“You don’t really think he did this, do you? He said he told you not to sign the ghostwriter thing.”
It would be so humiliating to admit that Gloria snuck something in, but Michelle was too smart to know I wouldn’t be bawling my eyes out if I’d known about it in advance.
“He did, but maybe it was all part of a plan he and Gloria cooked up to steal my book! He was experiencing writer’s block for the first time ever, and maybe he was freaking out. I don’t know, but it’s just so hard to believe she’d go behind his back without his knowledge. She’d be risking her biggest client and one thing I’m sure of, Jaxon Michaels would not tolerate defiance. They’ve been together for years and he just met me a few months ago. I mean, think about it! Why wouldn’t he be all in?” I almost laughed hysterically. If the whole situation wasn’t so tragic, it would play out like one of those comedy of errors skits you see in community theater or old variety shows.
“Well, I don’t think he would lie to you like that.” Michelle was adamant.
My rolled my eyes in disbelief. Of course, she’d be on his side. “I just need some time to deal with it, Michelle. Can you just… go?”
I shot her a mean look, hoping it would work to make her walk out. Why was she making me think about this right now?
Her expression hardened. “Well, I think you’ve got your head so far up your ass you’re rolled into a donut! Professor Michaels couldn’t do that! You should at least talk to him before you blame him for everything,” She hissed and yanked her coat from the closet, stuffing her arms into it and pulling it on, angrily.
Annoyance flared and I bristled, pulling my covers up closer to my chin and bunching them in my hand. “I’m going to, but I know he was struggling to write his own book! I saw it myself because of all the time we spent together, Michelle. You don’t know everything!”
“What I want to know is, why are you so quick to think the worst of him?” she spat.
I sat up and flung back the covers, not caring if my nakedness showed. “I don’t want to, Michelle, but what if it’s true?” I shouted. “If he did this, he’s made a fool of me and broke my heart! That’s worse than stealing the manuscript I spent two years of my life writing! I can’t risk being hurt like this again!” Tears started to fall, and I openly sobbed pulling the covers over my head. Please just let her leave, my heart begged.