Julia’s heart softened even more for her friend and she laid her hand on top of Brina’s. “I won’t hear that from you. You can’t know what you are capable of accomplishing on just one try. Be as reasonable and kind to yourself as you are to others. We didn’t know what to do. We’ll try again, and next time—”
“No,” Brina said earnestly. She looked up at Julia with eyes as bright as a summer day. “The really horrible truth about myself is that I didn’t enjoy making the bread. How can I help others when I feel that way?”
“I’m sure it’s a natural reaction for anyone the first time,” Julia insisted. “I didn’t enjoy it either. We’ve never been allowed in a kitchen to know what to do or how to do it. You can’t revile yourself for how you feel, what family you were born into, or how you grew up.”
“But how can I serve others, feeling as I do? The fact is I am the useless and pampered lady Sister Francine took one look at and saw.”
“You are not useless. Don’t say that about yourself. And I didn’t suggest we try to cook just to show you that you couldn’t do it. I actually thought we could do it. I had no idea it would be so difficult.”
“I know. It showed me there’s a difference between just standing in a line and handing food to people with a smile or a soft word—which is the only part I’d seen—and how much work there is to do before you can give people that comfort and kindness. I honestly don’t know if I’m up to it. I thought I was until you helped me try it.”
“Brina, I’m not going to try to talk you into anything or out of anything. That is your decision. I do think it would have been so much easier for us if we’d been learning with someone who actually had a recipe and knew how much flour, yeast, and milk to use. Or maybe if I hadn’t suggested port instead of tea. Perhaps we wouldn’t have let the bread burn if we hadn’t started talking about Garrett and my feelings for him.”
“That is the only sane thing we did.”
“But you can’t make your decision on this one attempt. You are a strong, capable person, whether or not you can make flour into bread, and you have many accomplishments. Most anyone can become discouraged when they are first trying to handle a situation they aren’t accustomed to. I know that feeling very well.”
Julia picked up the hem of her apron and affectionately started wiping Brina’s cheek. “My dear friend, you cannot go home with flour all over your face and with that apron covering your dress. Your bonnet will cover your hair until you get to your dressing room.”
Brina looked down. “Oh, you’re right. I forgot I had it on.” While she untied her apron, Julia helped brush her sleeves.
As soon as she laid the apron on the table, she picked it up again and said, “What am I thinking? I have to help you clean the table and floor.”
“No, no.” Julia grabbed the apron from her grasp. “There are two girls in the kitchen who probably know more about cleaning than we ever will. I’m going to put them to work.”
“That doesn’t seem fair. I helped make the mess. It’s only right that I do my part to clean it.”
“If you stay, there will be so many of us in the kitchen we will be running over one another. Please go and think on this decision you must make.”
A resigned sigh passed Brina’s lips. She then lifted her chin and shoulders. “What about Mr. Stockton?”
“I’ll put him to work, too,” Julia said with a smile. “The soup is so heavy we could have never carried it to school. I’ll ask him to do that for us. I’ll ask the girls to crumble the burned bread in the garden for the birds. Everything will be washed and put away in no time. The kitchen will be as Mrs. Lawton left it—minus a few vegetables.”
“Julia,” Brina said softly. “Just as I have some vital decisions to make, so do you.”
Her friend’s words seemed to seep into Julia’s soul. She knew. Julia picked up Brina’s gloves and reticule and gave them to her. “Go home. We’ll talk about all of this again soon.”
After seeing Brina out the door, Julia turned and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She tried to rub the soot off her face and the flour from her hair. But no amount of primping was going to make her look any better. She dropped her hands to her sides. There were more important things to do than make herself look better.
Julia walked through the doorway of the kitchen and stopped. Everything was clean. She glanced all around the room. Garrett was rising from the area where the soup had spilled over beneath the cook rack, a cloth in his hand. “What are you doing? How did you get everything clean so fast?”
“The girls helped by wiping the table. I just sent them back to the school with the uncooked vegetables.”
“Thank you. I didn’t intend for you to help clean.”
Garrett smiled. “Why not? One of the first things I had to learn when I went to sea was how to scrub the deck. If you’re going to sail a ship you have to know how to do every chore. I’ve already banked the fire and taken the bread out of the pans. They’re soaking in the tub.”
“I’m glad you saved something for me to do.”
He nodded as his eyes stared intently into hers. “I’m going to take the soup to the school and then I’ll be back.”
His roguish smile and the way he said I’ll be back caused Julia’s heart to flutter.
Garrett picked up the kettle and headed out the door. He seemed to always be coming to her rescue. But she knew he didn’t mind. He was such a strong but patient man. She thought of all the young and beautiful young ladies who had been at Lady Hallbury’s party. Garrett could be riding around Hyde Park with any of them today. But he was here, helping her clean up the kitchen. A peacefulness settled inside her.
After she’d scrubbed the pans and had put them back in place, everything was tidy—except herself, of course. She poured fresh water into a basin and splashed it onto her face, letting the coolness trickle down to her neck and chest. She thought about what her life would be like if she were fully free to be her own master and not at the mercy of what the men in her life wanted her to do. She wanted to know what it would be like to have no fear her son might be ripped from her arms for the slightest infraction. What would she do first if she were truly free?
Her thoughts went immediately to Garrett. She’d invite him over to have dinner with her. Just the two of them sitting at a table, dining, sipping wine, and talking. She saw them sitting together on a rug in front of a fire, playing in tall grass with Chatwyn, and lying entwined together on crisp, cool sheets.
“Julia.”
At the sound of Garrett’s voice, she straightened and turned away from the basin with water dripping down her face and hands. “I didn’t hear you come back inside.”
Garrett walked closer to her and asked, “Where is the housekeeper?”
“I sent her away for the day so Brina and I could have the house to ourselves. We wanted to know if we could do something as simple as bake bread and, well, you can see how that turned out. How did you know I was here?” She looked around for a towel but didn’t see one. She started wiping the water from her face with her hands.