How a mountain of a man, who looked like he could rip off a person’s head and feed them their own ass, could be so sweet was beyond me. But damn, he was basically adorable. Huge, covered in scars and tattoos. I don’t think I’d ever felt as safe as I did right then.
The baby kicked, and I unconsciously moved my hand up to press the spot. Cain’s eyes followed the action, his eyes filled with an emotion that I struggled to pinpoint. I swallowed and moved my hand away. I didn’t know what to do about the baby. Love it, I guess. Every day that passed, when it moved around, let me know that I wasn’t alone and I got a little less detached.
But what if it was like him? What if it was cruel and barbaric? What if it was a sociopath who did terrible things just like its father? Could I still love it then?
It turned and kicked again, and I knew I would. I would still love it, I mean, him or her. I would protect it from everything and everyone. Even the Devil himself if need be.
I placed my tote bag on the table. It was laughable what my life had amounted to. One small bag of underwear and clothes. A toothbrush. A battered paperback. A rainbow hair clip from a small girl who had dealt with her own share of monsters. A small Hulk figurine from a young boy who had seen too much to ever really be a kid again.
That was it.
Thoughts of Marco and the kids made my heart hurt. What I’d told Judas was the truth; I’d had to leave my old hiding place because I was a threat to Marco’s children, and he loved those kids above all else. But I thought, maybe for a moment, he’d might learn to love me like that too. I’d been wrong. He hadn’t said a word about me leaving. Hadn’t even waved goodbye.
I was exhausted. More exhausted than I’d ever been in my long life. I didn’t know if it was the pregnancy, or the torture, or the emotional rollercoaster I’d gone through since I’d been out of Purgatory.
My heart stuttered at just the word. I felt the darkness claw its way into my chest, clutching at my lungs until it was hard to breathe. That was the secret that I was keeping from these humans, these bikers who were used to being the top of the food chain. I hadn’t been kept in some dank basement. The person chasing me wasn’t just some sociopathic stalker. I’d been seduced and abducted by an Archangel. I’d been kept in the darkness of Purgatory for months. I’d been tortured by another Angel. I’d been saved by the Angel of Death and an empathic woman who wasn’t altogether human either. The baby in my womb was an anomaly, even more so than me. I was an immortal mistake. But this baby was a ticking time bomb that threatened to destroy everything we believed about what was right and wrong, about faith. My breathing got choppy and the darkness crept into my vision. No, not the darkness.
I was stronger than this. The darkness was in my mind. You aren’t there anymore. You aren’t there anymore. I repeated the mantra but it did nothing. PTSD didn’t listen to reason. I whimpered, pressing my hands to my head as if I could chase it away.
Two big arms picked me up, banding me tightly to a warm body, walking me to the bed. Cain sat down, tucking me under his chin, my cheek pressed against his chest.
“It’s okay. You are safe,” he whispered over and over. I clung to the sound of his heart, to the whispered words, to the pressure of his arms that were crushing me tightly to his chest. His words and warmth chased away the darkness for now, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think it would ever be gone for good. I’d suffered from night terrors every day since I’d been pulled from the nothingness, and there was no end in sight from the terror of my dreams. Sometimes, like today, those terrors crept into the daylight hours too, so there was never any relief.
I took a shaky breath and willed my heart rate to slow. I wiggled off Cain’s lap, embarrassed. “Sorry.”
Cain shook his head, standing to his full height. “You never have to be sorry for that. What was the trigger? Is there something I can remove from the room?”
I smiled, because how could I not? “Thank you, but no. The triggers are all in here.” I tapped the side of my head and then put a huge smile on my face. “But I’m seriously hungry. Must be the pregnancy thing.”
Cain just gazed at me intently, his soft brown eyes full of sympathy that made my throat clog. “Sure thing. Do you have cravings? The, uh, other pregnant women we’ve known had cravings for hotdogs and crepes. Sometimes together.”
I gagged a little. “Uh, no. But pancakes kinda sound good?” He held the door open and I gave him a small smile. “Do you collect many pregnant women here at your Club?”
His smile was tight. “Just one other.” His tone told me that was the end of the conversation, even though I wanted to know more. But I wasn’t ready to overstay my welcome just yet, so I let it go.
I followed him down the hall, through several security doors, and down the stairs. The stairs emptied out onto the bar, and there seemed to be two dozen people still there. Most of them were in leather or denim cuts, patches with a demonic horse head on the back and the words Damnation MC on the top rocker. There were men of every size, shape and level of hygiene in the room. Young guys with Prospect on their patches, grizzly old dudes with big beards and loads of tattoos. There were women too, of every shape and shade. Beautiful bottle blondes, latino women with curves for days, one short, round woman with huge boobs and an even bigger laugh. Some of the women looked scrawny and strung out, some looked over the group with a predatory expression. One had her head thrown back in pleasure as she rode a man in a darkened corner. It was really a hedonistic free for all.
Cain whistled. “Trigger, take it back to one of the hot boxes,” he shouted to the guy with the woman riding him like a pony. The guy stood up, zipped up his pants, and pushed a cowboy hat onto his head as he strolled past me like he hadn’t just had his dick in some chick.
“Ma’am,” he said, winking.
Cain huffed. “Trigger, this is Serendipity. You’ll keep all your appendages away from her unless you want to lose them.” He looked at me. “Trigger is our Secretary-Treasurer. He’s good at it too, under all the fucking weird down-home getup.” He pointed to the hat.
Trigger just grinned. “Sure thing, VP.” He swaggered away, the girl in the short skirt chasing after him, her cheeks flushed and she was all but panting. I shook my head.
“Prospect!” he shouted, and two guys literally appeared from nowhere. “Go clean room seven. I want it so clean you could lick the walls. If I don’t think it’s clean enough when you’re done, that’s exactly what you’ll fucking do. Got it?”
They nodded, and took off up the stairs. Cain gripped my elbow and led me toward the bar. A man with a huge red beard and yellowing eyeballs lifted his chin at me. “Serendipity, this is Shots. Shots is the bartender and his Old Lady is the best cook around.” A pole thin woman with rosey cheeks and twinkling eyes stuck her head around the door that was behind the bar. “Sweetie, this is Serendipity,” Cain introduced again.
I smiled at the woman, the first friendly, not flirtatious face I’d seen. “Call me Sera, please. Serendipity is a mouth full.”
“Nice to meet you, Sera. Hang on, my burgers are burning!” She ducked back inside the kitchen.
Solomon plopped down on the stool beside me. “You certainly are a mouthful,” he said, grinning at me. Cain reached around my back and slapped him in the head. I smothered my grin as he rubbed all that spun gold hair. “Same goes for you as for Trigger. Keep it in your damn pants.”