My heart thudded, a hard beat that told me this was either a conversation I really wanted or really didn’t. “Why do you say that? There hasn’t been much time for long talks, or for reminiscing about the past.” I forced myself to sound as neutral as possible. Now wasn’t the time for jealousy or reverting to a Neanderthal. Jax had that covered for all of us.
“He didn’t think about telling them he was alive. It didn’t occur to him. It didn’t even occur to him that Mareeka and Surral could get word to me. It’s as if he left and that was it. Done. Goodbye.”
“That’s probably the way it is for most everyone,” I said. “Thousands of people can’t just hang around forever. They’d need more room.”
A smile tugged at her mouth again. “Maybe. But for him, it should’ve been more.”
“Because it’s more for you.” I got where she was coming from with this. When you love someone, what matters to them matters to you. Period. I already respected the hell out of Starway 8, and I had no doubt my feelings for the orphanage would evolve into something probably as obsessive as my devotion to my docks. That was just how I worked when I cared about something. For now, though, I was in it for Tess.
“See? It’s not that hard to understand, and you didn’t even live there for more than half your life.”
I drew her against me, wishing she didn’t feel stiff and that I didn’t look like a man she was so damn conflicted about. I pressed her head against my neck, hoping she’d just listen to my voice, hear me. “You’re a gift, Tess. Starway 8 is a gift. I’m the luckiest son of a bitch in the galaxy because you chose me. I swear to care for the orphanage as much as you do, and to protect it and everyone in it, right alongside you, with my life.”
“Shade.” She sighed my name and melted into me. Her arms came around my waist. The clenching in my chest went from uncomfortable to unbearable as I realized this was it.
“I want to kiss you. I want to make love to you.” Splaying my hand wide against the back of her head, I kept her tucked in close. Could she feel my heart beating? It hammered relentlessly against my ribs. “But I look like your asshole-maybe-not-asshole father, and we don’t have time for that.”
Her breath punched out, something between a huffed-out laugh and a not-quite sob hitting my neck with a sudden rush of warmth. I didn’t mean to turn her inside out with this Starway 8 stuff. I just wanted her to know…
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” I paused and swallowed. “There were all these times I wanted to, but it just never came out.”
She glanced up. The second she saw my face, she frowned.
“No, don’t look at me wearing this mask. That’ll screw everything up.” I pressed on her head again, angling it down.
She leaned against my shoulder. “You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m freaking myself out.” My heart was doing backflips now. “I’ve never done this before.”
“What the hell, Shade?” Her grip tightened around my waist, even as she tensed away from me.
I sank my fingers into her hair, not letting her go anywhere. The thick rope of her braid felt strange when I was used to having her long hair down and smooth between my fingers. I pushed deeper to feel her under my hand. “I love you, Tess. I’m so fucking in love with you it hurts. And I’ll love the orphanage, too, and not only because you do. I promise.”
She didn’t move. She didn’t say a thing, and the worst sort of fear started crawling up my chest.
“You’ll have to clean up your language,” she finally said, her voice muffled against my jacket.
“What?” I rasped out. Maybe she wasn’t there yet, but love grew, right? I could still convince Tess.
“You’ll have to clean up your language on Starway 8,” she said more clearly. “The kids can’t hear us talking like that.”
“Kids know everything by age eleven. I swear, there are no secrets left.”
She looked up at me, catching her lower lip between her teeth. “Well, there are some things we don’t need to teach them.”
A spike of adrenaline hit my veins. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” The painful knot in my chest started to loosen, but my breath came short, and my hands almost shook.
She smiled. “I love you, too, Shade. And I trust you with Starway 8.”
Joy nearly ripped apart my heart. Not caring that I looked like Bridgebane, I lowered my head and kissed her. Tess closed her eyes and kissed me back. She was all there, all in. I could feel it. Blood fired through my body. Tess. A future. A place that needed us. It electrified me like nothing had in a decade and unleashed something wild inside.
I clutched her hard and growled like a savage. “I wish we had more time.” Before she could respond, I brought her to her toes and devoured every hot, delicious inch of her mouth, consuming her.
“I wish you didn’t have that mask and uniform.” Her breathless voice went straight to my tightening groin. I ground against her.
“Keep your eyes closed.” I swept my tongue into her mouth again, her taste and the feel of her under my hands driving me crazy with need.
Tess hooked her leg around my hip and rocked into me. I lifted her and spun her against the closed door, pinning her with my whole body. She moaned. We lined up perfectly. My erection pressed against the juncture of her thighs, and the heat of her left a permanent imprint on me. I was stamped for life. She softened, but I went rock-hard.
I broke off for a ragged breath before I drowned. Tess opened her eyes. They widened. She stared at me in horror and then burst out laughing.
“That is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever done.” She half choked on another laugh, slamming her eyes closed again.
I reluctantly unglued myself from her and cleared my throat. “I guess it’s time to go anyway. You ready for this?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
She opened her eyes, two bright-blue starbursts that glittered with teasing warmth. “Cupcake, I’m ready for anything.”
“Cupcake.” I shook my head. “I should never have called you ‘sugar,’ not even once.”
“Nope.” A smile curved her lips. It expanded, her grin infectious, until we both laughed. “But I love you anyway.”
My heart grew ten sizes too big for my chest and squashed everything else aside. I couldn’t breathe, but I kissed her again. And then again, because I couldn’t help it, and because there was no telling what the next few hours would bring.
* * *
We landed on Starbase 12 without incident. Mwende rattled off security codes and personal identification numbers while the rest of us stayed quiet and waited. It was two days after Daniel Ahern’s contact was supposed to have lowered the alarm for three hours on Platform 7. Two days after the man probably thought we’d bailed on the mission and abandoned his wife. The rebel leaders in the Fold probably thought so, too. We hadn’t informed anyone of the change of plan. It wouldn’t have been smart. We also had no easy way to contact them.