She sags against my chest, and I wrap an arm around her and hold her tightly, my fingers trailing over her back.
“Lex, I need to ask you something,” she whispers into the quiet room.
My attention stops short. She sounds serious. I pull it together and sober up a bit.
“What is it?” I feel alarm bells rising. We have been through so much that I worry it might be another unexpected twist.
She pulls back and sits up a bit, her eyes are downcast, looking away, and she is chewing on her lip but not talking.
“Jude? Whatever it is, we can weather it.” I feel big, wanting to protect her from whatever evil befalls her.
“I don’t know. It’s just—it’s just—”
“Baby girl, I swear to you, I can handle whatever it is.”
“I know, I know.” She looks up at me, and I see a touch of fear in her eyes. It’s just…I need to admit that I am in love with you.” Her eyes search mine frantically. “But know, if you don’t feel that way, it is okay. I know it doesn’t happen for all people the same. I don’t—I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just needed to say it.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus, mother of pearl, is that all?”
She looks all of about five when she nods once.
I crush her into an embrace and then swing her around and up, off her feet.
“Jude, I think I have been in love with you from very nearly the moment I met you. Definitely, since I shared the first story and especially after the way you look with Mr. Purrbox making biscuits all over you!”
“You mean, you mean, you’re in love with me too?” Shock riddles her gorgeous face.
“You are damn right! Jude, I am in love with you! Flat out, crazy, head over heels in love. There is no way of getting around it either.”
“I was so worried I would be pushing you away by telling you. I knew you cared about me, knew that you would go through anything to protect me, but I didn’t know if it was more than that. I have never felt normal before or had a family, not a real family. I always felt alone, and as if anything I did or said would make someone uncomfortable or push them farther away.”
“Jude,” I pull her against my chest, willing her to hear the depth of my heart, “you will never, ever be alone again. I mean it. I will stand by your side through the good and the bad. That’s what us Miller boys do. We stay, we care, we cherish, and we love.”
“I love you, Lex,” she whispers, almost unsure of the words.
“I love you, Jude,” I say back, knowing it will take some time to get used to. Just like the kitten, she just needed to see she could trust me.
26
Jude
The next few days are filled with sorting and adjusting.
Lex speaks to Damon, who cleaned up everything after we left that warehouse. I don’t know the whole story, but Lex tells me to trust him on it. I’m kind of worried about what kind of people Lex is involved with, but I do trust him. Lex is a good man. I trust that, and I know he is not willing to put us in danger.
Lex helps me move out of my dorm, Blair too, and we move everything into Lex’s place permanently. We visit the doctor for the first time, hear the baby’s heartbeat, and find out everything is healthy and are given all green lights. I had never been so relieved in my life to know that everything was going to be okay.
We look at my school schedule because Lex wants to figure out how he can help when the baby is born so that I miss a minimal amount of time. He reminds me that Miller men pitch in; that baby duty is a happy and fulfilling part of their lives too, not just the women.
We tell the family of our great news over family dinner, and Pops decides I am to always have a place of honor beside him at the dinner table. Lily tells me that no one resists because they know I have lots of years to make up for in having a real family.
The boys take Lex out to the fort, it is finally his turn to receive the celebratory toast for getting pregnant. He tells me later that night that he got to hear all the ways they think he made the right decision to wait for someone like me. Because no one else could have compared or fit his family better.
Mr. Purrbox became a full-fledged member of our household, and so did Lady Loo, which delighted Maggie and Kayla to no end when they came over for their first play date with me.
We shop for our first baby clothes, where Lex tells me about the tradition of having a baby shower, and how almost everything we need will be given to us, which rocks my world. I had no idea how much I was stressing about what I would not be able to afford, so I was overjoyed when he offered that piece. He said his family would come through and that they always did.
All is good and right in my world. Every single thing at every single level.
Until there is an unexpected knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Lex calls, rushing to the door, but I’m already up myself and being curious as I am, I follow right behind him.
Lex pulls the door open, and my father comes into view. Instinctively, my hands come to my stomach protectively. Just seeing him has my pulse racing and my heart slamming against the inside of my chest.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing here?” Lex growls like a dog.
“Getting my daughter.” My father’s black emotionless eyes find mine behind Lex. “You are coming home, right now!”
My eyes are wide with terror, and I’m clawing at the door frame to try and hold myself back in the safety of our house as my brain fills with images of what awaits me if he did get the chance, and I was whisked away by him. I know Lex won’t let that happen, but this kind of fear has been embedded in me for so long, it’s hard to let go.
Digging deep, I find the strength to speak, “You have no right to be here. I’m not your daughter anymore, and I’m not going anywhere with you.”
My father takes a step toward us, reaching for me, but Lex steps in between, shielding me from him.
“If you ever touch my fiancée again, it will be the last fucking thing you touch. You understand, old man? I will break every fucking finger on your hand until you get the point.”
Lex’s words stun him, and he steps back, startled as if the words actually slapped him. Uncertainty is plastered on his face, and I revel in it. I revel in all of it, his misery, his fears, and his wariness. For once, he is on the receiving end of the belt.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he spits back.
“I’m pregnant, and I’m going to marry Lex. Now leave, there is no reason for you to be here.” I rub it in his face, trying to simmer down my rage. Having found my protective momma-bear power, I plant my feet apart, daring him or anyone to take away my ability to choose ever again.
“I want you out of my life for good. I know what a scumbag you are. Liar. Thief. Child rapist. We know everything, and you will pay for the things you’ve done. All of them.”
Color drains from his face, and he stumbles back two steps. I can see that the carefully crafted façade he built and tried to project his entire life is now shattered. No more denial. No more operating in the shadows. No more ability to deceive or control.
His demons were finally coming home to roost.
He turns and walks away and looks a hundred years older.