Not to catch a guy, oh no, although there’s always a fair share of those around. But it’s the desire to cover the chaos that goes on inside one’s life and the need to create a façade of a person who doesn’t exist as the result.
Somehow with this girl, I think I’ll get what I see, and what I see is her sadness at my words, but then determination settles on her features.
She grabs me by my elbow and starts to pull me toward the stairs, informing me on the way, “I know what she looks like. That means we’ll go together and catch her. You should have seen her. I think she cried.”
Well, fuck.
Way to make me feel like an even bigger dick.
Just as we come to the stairs, the elevator dings its arrival, and she maneuvers us with fucking speed I didn’t expect from her. Slipping inside between the bodies, we start to go down all while she continues to talk. “I thought such stuff didn’t happen in real life, but who knew.”
Instead of focusing much on what she says, I pay attention to how her cheeks brighten up and her eyes sparkle in joy and anticipation as if she is about to do something big.
How fascinating; a man could get used to such a view.
Finally, we are on the first floor and get out quickly with her running toward the exit, her heels clicking loudly on the floor, and then we are outside with her twisting her head from side to side, trying to find my letter girl.
Then she exclaims, pointing at the gray-hat-covered girl getting into a cab. “There she is. Go, go, hurry before she leaves!”
She pushes me in that direction, and I dart toward her shouting, “P!” But she doesn’t turn or even stop, instead hops inside the car, and the cabbie drives off before I can even bang on the door. “For fuck’s sake!” I growl, ready to rip my hair out for this, when the other girl runs toward me, ready to burst into tears.
“I’m so sorry. We should’ve come sooner.”
“Apparently, it wasn’t meant to be.”
My philosophical statement is not met with joy, but she nods, wrapping her coat tighter around herself. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Kind of feels like it is.” She sighs heavily. “I’m gonna go back and enjoy the view for a little longer. I hope you have a nice day.”
With this, she is ready to walk away, but I surprise myself when I proposition, “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee? I’ve been running for so long in this cold-ass weather I could use something warm.”
She blinks and then watches the road, probably not sure how to react to a guy who invites her for coffee while another girl just drove off. “We’re not a couple. We’ve been pen pals for a long time. As you see, we should have stayed pen pals. I’m sure now she won’t even talk to me.” I extend my hand toward her. “My name is Zachary.”
“Angelica,” she replies. “And, yes, I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee.”
I don’t know it yet, but this woman will become my first love, the woman who will change everything for me.
And lying with her in bed at night, I think that maybe that’s why I’d been keeping in touch with the girl from the park for so long.
Because, thanks to her, I met my beautiful wife.
She was a guardian angel leading me to a blessing, and I was grateful for that.
Even though she hadn’t replied to any of my emails whenever I tried to thank her for that.
Destiny has a way of finding you in the most unexpected places.
Except nothing in life is ever that simple.
Phoenix
I still, coughing slightly even though there is no food in my mouth, and quickly take a sip of my tea, wondering how I should react to this.
Or maybe my imagination is playing tricks on me, and I need more sleep, because no way Zachary just proposed marriage, right?
Clearing my throat, I put the cup back on the saucer, studying the flowery design on it for a fraction of a second before saying, “I’m sorry, Zachary. I haven’t heard you right. Could you please repeat that?”
He does, his voice so unemotional as if he’s offering a walk through the park. “We’ll get married.” And he puts a piece of his steak in his mouth, chewing on it, acting all breezy and shit.
My hands tighten on my fork. I barely hold myself back from throwing it at him just to wipe away the smug expression from his handsome face.
Truce, remember? You can’t burst into hysterics. Mutual goal and all?
So with all the willpower I possess, and I have to say it slips past my fingers every time he opens his mouth, I shout, “Have you lost your mind?” A man at the table next to us glances our way but quickly casts his gaze on the menu when I notice him staring.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t subtle at all, but is he insane? “I will never marry you!” I tell him, wondering what kind of trap he’s trying to set up in this scenario.
Why would a man of his social standing want to get married to me, an ex-con with a questionable reputation? This whole serial killer thing might excuse me in the law’s eyes, but in society’s? To most, I was still the driver who drove that damned car that killed his wife, so no one will understand his decision.
“On the contrary, I’m thinking quite clearly, darling.” He washes down his steak with a glass of water—all these high-end restaurants have water on the table in case anyone needs it—gulping a large sip. “You’re his best friend who he protects. While I’m the big bad wolf. Well, if you become mine—” There is an odd edge to the last word; something flashes in his green pools, but he quickly masks it with indifference, so I don’t get the chance to study it. “—he is the one who becomes the bad wolf. And I’m not sure he can handle such a role.” A humorless chuckle echoes between us. “Trust me, it takes a certain mindset to be one.”
“You think if we get together, he or she will be… jealous?” However, my mind dismisses this idea, as it doesn’t fit his profile. “I don’t think he cares what our relationship is,” I conclude, sighing inwardly in relief, because we can drop this ridiculous idea.
I never want to get married again. What’s the point if the man runs in the other direction the minute you burn in hell? Let alone have a fake marriage for the sake of an unstable unsub?
He or she has had enough of my life as it is; I won’t give the unsub an inch more!
“Whatever thoughts are running through your mind now, you can forget about them. I’m not dropping down on my knee offering you eternal love for real. Love at first glance is not our story. However, a marriage is the only way to shake his stability.” He must read the confusion on my face, because he elaborates. “He loves you. Really loves you in his twisted way, since he formed a connection with you. So, let’s say you cheat on that connection.” I want to protest, but he wiggles his fork, shutting me up before I can utter a single word. “How do you think it will make him feel? The answer is bad. He won’t think clearly and will make a mistake. And then we’ll catch him.”
I huff in disbelief. “Catch him? Do you even hear how ridiculous it sounds? You want to get married just because you think it’ll unsettle him. What if it doesn’t? What if he doesn’t care that much what you do?”