I’ve put up with his nonsense ever since I picked him from among hundreds of geeks in his class to help me out with the network aspect of it all. After all, if I learned it in the open, I could have always been a suspect.
A hunter must know how to cover his tracks in order to catch his prey and continue to do so after he has the first thrill from his first victim.
This journey has sacrifices too.
Fucking idiots like Rafe in exchange for their devotion being one of them.
Forcefully shifting his attention back to me, I say, “We have to finish it before we can ride off into the sunset, darling.” Removing a lock of hair from his forehead, I pat his cheek, but not before digging my nails into his skin and making him wince. “So stop these hysterics and get on with it.”
Rafe nods, gets up as I straighten my spine and huff in annoyance when he hugs me to his chest, rocking me in his arms as he whispers in my ear, “I love you. And I’ll always be with you.”
Always is a big and meaningless word.
“I couldn’t resist seeing you though,” I say to Rafe, snapping out of the memory and leaning closer to him. “You’ve done so well, Rafe.”
He smiles weakly, nuzzling his head toward me. “I know how important it is for you.” His gaze fills with the fucking hope people still haven’t given up on.
Fools, such fools.
Hope only destroys you bit by bit when you pray for it and the help doesn’t come.
“Phoenix angered me today.” His brows furrow at my abrupt change of subject. “So much, darling, that I’m afraid someone has to become collateral damage in order for me not to lose my control before the big finale.” I look into the distance, thinking about all my beautiful victims who I’ve freed from a life with their husbands.
“I don’t understand,” he murmurs, and I run my fingers over his face, tracing my index one from his forehead to his nose and chin and then settling on his lips where I tap lightly.
“It was inevitable anyway. I wouldn’t have left you alone in this cruel world. It will eat you alive without me.”
“Love?” he asks with confusion and then winces as I insert the needle into a vein. “What are you doing?”
“Sending you to a better place.” I give him a light kiss while he struggles in my hold, but I press both my hands on him, holding him in place until his heart stops beating.
And just like that, poof, Rafe dies.
Blowing a last kiss to his dead body, I walk to the door and slip out.
Three more steps and I’m outside, walking around the building where there is no surveillance camera, and quickly put on a wig, sweatpants, and a sweater and hop in a nearby cab, leaving no traces behind.
See, Daddy? I’m not a useless piece of shit you shitted.
I’m smart.
Chapter Seventeen
“Sex is supposed to be nothing but mutual pleasure for the parties involved.
If you are not enjoying it, what the fuck are you even doing?
Sex is not complicated, because it lacks emotions, only physical desire that may not know any boundaries.
Yet sex has the power either to enhance or destroy the relationship.
But the most important part about sex with no strings attached to it?
To not let your heart fool you there is something more to it.
Sex is phenomenal.
Love though?
Love is scary as fuck.”
Zachary
Zachary
Closing the door on Emmaline’s room, I grin, thinking about her negotiation talents that should come in handy if she ever decides to follow in my footsteps and become a chief executive of the company.
A groan slips past my lips when I rub my neck. Sitting in those fucking tiny chairs was unbearable, and I thought my legs would fall off for being numb for so long.
My back will be sore for a long time after this.
I could have probably saved myself from this misery and grabbed the doll from my room that I bought for her in one of her favorite toy stores, but I decided not to.
Emmaline misses me as it is, so whenever I have a minute, I want to spend it with her so she knows she is important to me.
I couldn’t love her more if she were biologically mine.
I always thought fatherhood came to a man gradually as the man prepares himself for nine months and then sees his child, his heart filling with pride that something he helped create came into this world.
And then he provides and protects this child with everything he has, because that’s the only way he is capable of showing love. At least that’s the example my father showed me.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Fatherhood hit me like a hammer to my face, and I fell in love with her the minute I saw her, the little perfect baby girl who I had nothing to do with creating yet claimed as mine the minute I laid eyes on her.
I was there through all the months of her intensive care, during nighttime feedings when she couldn’t sleep and would cry for hours until I turned on some soft music, and she’d doze off on my chest.
She held my hand as she took her first step, and Daddy was the first word she ever spoke.
She is the light in my life that is constant darkness. Because I can’t hold on to the people I love, how could I ever ask for forgiveness for depriving Phoenix of all those things if I don’t feel remorse for it?
Phoenix wouldn’t have had the chance to raise her anyway; she’d have been taken away from her and put into the system where no one would’ve loved her as I do.
I doubt Sebastian would have taken a paternity test, considering he avoided anything that had to do with his wife like the plague.
Parenthood is a gift I will forever be grateful to Phoenix for, even if I stole it from her.
I glance at my throbbing hand, noticing the skin around the deep cut has become puffy and red, and anytime I open my hand and close it, a little blood slips out.
Clearly, I should have taken care of it when Phoenix offered. Maybe then her mind would have been occupied. But I didn’t, so she’s hiding in her room after witnessing us all enjoying an afternoon of make-believe tea, which was too much for her.
I fist my hand and immediately wince when the sting travels up my arm. The fury at myself for bringing so much pain to Phoenix is eating me alive, yet I can’t tell her the truth right now.
It might send her into a spiral—a moral breakdown—resulting in some reckless action in her attempt to take the child away. And it’s not something we can afford with the unsub hot on our heels. Her head needs to be clear of any distractions, and with the truth, she won’t be able to think rationally.
Well, besides wanting to kill me and probably get my head on a silver platter for what I’ve done, one more sin to my never-ending pile that just keeps on building.
A cracking sound echoes through the house, and I look toward where it’s coming from, Phoenix’s room. She opens the door and steps into the light, my fucking breath stilling in my lungs as my eyes land on her.
Her black locks fall down her back, almost reaching her lower spine, and the purple dress she changed into loosely skims over her form, although it does nothing to mask all those curves my hands gripped last night that fit so perfectly against me.
She is barefoot and leans her shoulder on the doorjamb, pleasure coating her voice when she says, “I bet that hurts now, huh?” She taps on her chin with her index finger. “What was it you said? It doesn’t matter.” She growls a little, imitating my words. “It’s fine.”