“Does your aunt marrying my uncle even make us kin? Being cousins through marriage won’t change anything, will it?”
“Depends on you.”
“Care to elaborate?” I refuse to give him a confession when I’m not certain of my crime.
“Want to tell me what’s in the backpack?” He points to the floor by my feet.
“What do you think I have in there?” Yes, I’m being an asshole, but I’m also curious. I’m guessing he has no idea.
“Come on, cut me a break and open it.” He rests his elbow on the steering wheel as he twists to give me his full attention. “The sooner we can be honest, the quicker this can be resolved.”
If Griffin were a different man, a Hill instead of a Lee, I’d think he might be open to a bribe. Everyone has a price and I wonder what it would take for him to look the other way.
“Are you going to arrest me?”
“Hopefully not.” He doesn’t sound optimistic.
“Issue me a citation?” Definitely a possibility. “Fine me?”
“Open the bag.”
Lifting the pack, I rest it on the console between us and challenge him with my eyes. “Go ahead. See for yourself.”
“Stubborn as always.” Muttering, he reaches for the zippers at the top. “Nothing in here is going to bite me, is it?”
“Really? You’re bringing up the kitten? How old was I? Four? Five?” He’s being too dramatic about this whole ridiculous situation, so I unzip the bag for him. “Look.”
“Please don’t let it be pot,” he whispers before peering inside.
I have to admit, I am still shocked to be sitting in Griffin’s official NPS vehicle, being questioned about illegal activities on federal land. Seriously never saw this moment coming.
“What the fuck?” I jerk back, pulling the pack with me. “Why would I be out here with a bag filled with drugs?”
“Are you growing or dealing marijuana within park boundaries?” His voice is so ridiculously serious, I laugh.
“Jesus, Griffin.” Dipping a hand inside, I gently pull out a handful of the bag’s contents and show him. “They’re mushrooms. Fungi. They’re not even the psychotropic kind.”
“I know what a turkey tail looks like” He widens the opening and sniffs.
“Why the hell would you think I had drugs?” I carefully return the cream and brown striped, fan-shaped mushrooms to the backpack.
“We’ve had reports.” He doesn’t make eye contact. Instead, he twists his head to stare out the driver’s side window. “People don’t all come to the park to commune with nature in the ways you’d think. We have our own microcosm of crimes. Unfortunately, being a national park doesn’t mean we exist in an enchanted land of happiness.”
“Are you telling me the animals don’t talk and help clean tiny houses for vertically challenged miners?” I scoff.
“For the record, I didn’t think you were walking around with a bag o’ weed.”
I laugh at his phrasing. “You could’ve asked me directly instead of acting out this law enforcement shakedown.”
“Better family than a stranger.”
“We’re not blood kin.” Changing my mind, I shake my head. “Never mind. I guess I owe you a debt of gratitude.”
“Nah. We’re good. I’ll clear the report.”
“Want to weigh the mushrooms? Make sure I’m within my personal limits?”
“Why? Are you planning on selling those?” He eyes me with suspicion.
I have a quick, internal debate about lying to my “cousin” and decide to tell the truth.
“Maybe I’m hoarding them all for myself.”
“What are you going to do with so many mushrooms?”
“Honestly?”
“Sure, let’s go with that for a change.”
I don’t miss his sarcasm. “I’m freeze-drying them for medicinal purposes.”
“Seriously?” His eyes hold doubt.
“One hundred percent. Mushroom extracts can heal whatever ails you.”
He purses his lips. “Not sure about that.”
“Suit yourself.” I pat the bag. “Appalachian grannies have been using fungi to address health issues for generations.”
“You know there are laws about foraging on federal land for commercial purposes.”
“Is there any regulation about gathering mushrooms that aren’t on park property?”
“Not that I know of. My jurisdiction doesn’t extend past the boundaries.”
“Good to know.”
“You collect these on private property?”
“Pretty confident I did.”
“Well, that’s between you and the owners.”
I give him a blunt nod. “Then let’s say that’s where I found them. Has anyone thought about buying some orange spray paint and creating a clear boundary line between what’s federal land and what is private?”
“That sounds like something I’d come up with.” He chuckles.
“You’re welcome for the tip.”
“I’m sorry I thought you were the Pablo Escobar of the Smokies.”
“In a weird way, I’m flattered you believed me capable.”
“You’ve never given yourself enough credit for everything you’ve done. Some folks would give their front teeth to be a fancy chef in the big city. Fame, money, traveling the world—”
“All meaningless if you’re miserable.”
“Guess we have different definitions of the word. I’d rather be unhappy in first class than in a middle seat that doesn’t recline at the back of the plane next to the bathroom.”
“That’s pretty specific, but you make a good point.” I finish zipping the bag closed. “We all good here?”
“Yep, as long as everyone is observing the rules and regulations of the park.”
“Deal.”
“Want a lift back to the cabin? Or wherever you’re going?”
“I’ll take a ride to pick up my truck.”
After a few moments of comfortable silence, I ask, “Can you tell me who filed the report on me? Visitor? Park staff? I’d like to know who’s spreading these rumors.”
“There wasn’t an official report. More of a concern about suspicious activity.”
“And my accuser came to you directly?” I’m making a list in my head like a less generous Santa.
“I’m not going to tell you. No point since they were under the wrong impression.”
Pretending he answered my question, I continue my inquiry. “Was this in an official capacity or as a friend?”
“Can we let it go?” He gives me a sidelong glance.
“Am I sitting in an official government vehicle, subject to search of my personal belongings?”
I swear he pales.
“Don’t put it like that. We’re having a friendly conversation. Better me than one of the other rangers. Not everyone would give you the benefit of the doubt.”
He’s basically admitting another one of the rangers has a gripe with me … interesting. Wonder who it could be.