“More like the fungi motherboard. Mycelium is …”
“I’m aware it is the vegetative part of the colony and that there are two thousand different species of fungus in the Smokies.”
“I’m so proud of you, but I bet you didn’t know about these.” I release Patsy and Roman from their leashes. Always well behaved, Patsy takes her time strolling into the grove. Roman, however, is the opposite, running in looping circles.
“What’s he doing?” she asks, eyes trained on the dog.
“Watch.”
Patsy keeps her snout near the ground, slowly ambling from trunk to trunk. Roman begins digging, his tail wagging.
“Did he find a bone?” She takes a step forward, but I stop her.
“I hope not. Wait.”
Patsy’s snorting grows louder.
“Is she okay?”
I appreciate the genuine concern in her voice.
“She’s happier than a pig in shit right now.”
Roman’s head is almost hidden in the hole he’s dug when he pops up and trots over to me.
“Drop it,” I command, and he obeys.
Out of his mouth falls a beautiful, bulbous black truffle. After rewarding him with a handful of treats, I pick it up and show it to her.
Daphne recoils. “Ew. Is that dung?”
“Why would you think that?” I’m confused.
“David Attenborough narrated a nature documentary about dung beetles, and they roll wildebeest scat that looks identical to what your holding in your hand right now.”
“You’re serious.” I laugh as I brush loose dirt away from the culinary treasure.
“I am. You should watch it sometime. It’s a triumph of will in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenge.” She side-eyes my movements.
I carefully toss the brown lump in my palm, weighing it. “I’m not sure the market price for wildebeest shit, but this beauty is worth six hundred dollars, probably more.”
Her mouth drops open. “No way.”
Patsy digs with a front leg, burying her snout in the soft earth. “Hold on a second. Unlike Roman, she won’t be as gentle with her find.”
I have to physically shove her out of the way and she’s not happy about it. From my other pocket I pull out a baggie with a flattened piece of banana cake. Once I slide the plastic zipper open, her attention shifts from the dirt to the my hand.
“Good girl.”
Behind us, Daphne laughs. “You distract her with cake? I used the same trick on Kacey at the farmers’ market. I’m so going to tell her about this.”
With Patsy distracted, I crouch down and finish extracting the truffle with my hands. This Périgord is even larger than the first. These are lucky finds early in the season.
I focus on Daphne again. “You can’t tell your friend.”
“Why not? She’d think it was hysterical.”
“Because if word got out, I wouldn’t be the only one out here with a Lagotto or a pig. After discovering a few truffles growing here naturally, I’ve been cultivating spores to expand the harvest. All of my investment could be dug up by someone else. Where there is a lot of money to be made, there will always be someone trying to profit off the hard work of others.”
She blinks at me as she processes my warning. “This is a real thing? Truffle pirates?”
“I’ve never heard them called that before, but it fits.”
A funny expression settles over her face. “There was a guy in Merryville who asked me about backcountry foraging. He wanted to hire a guide to bring him into the mountains. You don’t think …”
“What did he look like?”
“An arrogant creep in an expensive sweater driving a Mercedes. I don’t know … I didn’t pay much attention to his face.”
“He randomly approached you?”
“I was in the NPS loaner. People see it and feel compelled to talk to me. Rangers have a reputation for being friendly and helpful.”
“I don’t like strange men trying to pick you up in random parking lots.”
“He wasn’t flirting with me. Tell your jealousy to stand down. You’re missing the point—what if he was a truffle pirate trying to get the dirt on your operation?”
“You’re making a huge leap based on little information.”
“He looked like a man who enjoys spending exorbitant amounts of money on fungus.”
“No one besides me—and now you—knows this location. None of my buyers, not my family, not even my friends … if I had any.”
“This is why you park your van at the trailhead and hike down here with a backpack and Patsy, your ever present sidekick.” She points her finger at me as pieces snap into place. “You’re not a weirdo … you’re only playing one, like an evil genius, supervillain running your fungus empire right under everyone’s noses.”
“Well, under Patsy’s and Roman’s noses at least. Humans don’t have the olfactory power to detect the truffle’s under the dirt.”
She gives me a blank look.
“Thanks for calling me a genius, by the way. I’ll take the compliment.”
“I have a question.” Hurt darkens her expression. “Why didn’t you tell me about the truffles before? You can trust me—I’m a ranger.”
“And because of that, I assumed your loyalties would be with the park.”
She frowns. “You’re not wrong.”
“Remember how upset you were about the apples? How you suspected me of illegal activities?”
With a dip of her chin, she confirms she does.
“I didn’t know you well enough to trust you with this secret.”
“Why bring me out to the orchard? Was it some kind of a test? A red herring?”
“More the latter. I’m not proud of the deception.”
“What if that day I’d seen the filbert grove and asked questions?”
“I think we were both too distracted by lust to notice much of anything besides getting each other naked.”
She averts her eyes for a second. “True. I was trying to figure out how we could have all the sex right then and cursing my love of pants.”
I give her a confused look.
“Skirts and dresses are more conducive to quickies. Think about it.”
“If it’s about having sex with you, I do think about it—a lot. Probably more than is healthy.”
A spark of lust brightens her warm brown eyes before it quickly dims. “Can I get a raincheck on having sex with you outside until it’s warm again? I don’t want to worry about important body parts getting frostbite.”
“Smart.” I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her torso.
Nearby, Patsy and Roman continue snuffling the ground.
“If I don’t supervise them, Patsy will follow him around and eat all the truffles he finds. While I love her, I’m not letting her have a thousand-dollar snack.” I release my hold on Daphne.
“Can I help?”
“That would be great. Thank you.” I squeeze her hands between both of mine. “I’ll manage Patsy if you keep track of him. Tell him to drop it if he finds one.”
“Got it.”