“Stop,” she whispered, hating the word with all her heart.
She leaned back, resting her hands gingerly on his shoulders and his face fell forward, his forehead on her chest, resting just above her breasts. His chest moved up and down, heavy and fast. She eased off his lap and he took a deep breath then released it in a slow hiss before leaning back against the headboard, his arm covering his eyes, still trying to catch his breath. She knelt beside him, not at all sure she had made the right decision, worried that he would get up and leave her, all the while knowing it would be best for both of them if he did.
He groaned and swallowed, then lowered his arm. He looked at her with searching eyes and shook his head—frustrated and disappointed—before reaching out his arm and pulling her gently against him. She placed her head back on his chest as before, listening to his racing heart under her ear. When she placed her palm on his chest, he flinched. Sensitive. He covered her hand so that it was flush against him, but still.
“You sure you don’t want the ‘or’?” he asked, gruffly.
“I do. But, I can’t.” I can’t because I can’t trust what will happen tomorrow. Because you make me doubt myself. You put me in danger without meaning to. Her voice was small when she asked him, “Do you want to go?”
“Do you want me to go?” he asked, his fingers trailing lazily up and down her arm.
She adjusted her head until she was comfortable against him, desperate for the solid warmth of his body. She sighed, closing her eyes, wishing she could escape from her thoughts.
“Jane?” he prompted in a whisper.
“Will you stay with me for a little?”
“I’ll stay as long as you want.”
***
The morning sun streaming through the windows of the small room woke her up. When Jane opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Lars’s chest under her cheek, tan and blond and perfect. He had pulled the comforter around them at some point, and she sighed from the warmth of her cocoon.
Pulling the covers down a little, Jane leaned up on one elbow to look at him. He had slept with one arm under her head and the other thrown over his eyes, which drew her eyes, like a magnet, to his exposed lips. Her stomach leapt as she remembered the sweetness of him kissing her last night as they danced to “Woman.” She took a shaky breath and sighed.
His lips turned up. “Take a picture, Minx. It lasts longer.”
“How did you—”
He lowered his arm. “I’ve got good instincts. That, and I peeked.”
She grinned, lying back down and pillowing her head on his arm. He leaned up on his side, over her, and ran the back of his hand against her cheek.
“Morning, Minx” he said.
“Morning, Professor,” she answered.
He leaned down and pecked her lips with his, then drew back, smiling into her eyes.
“I liked waking up next to you.”
“Is that right, Just-Lars?”
“That’s right, Minx.”
“Can’t call me that anymore. Starting today, I’m on the clock.”
“You work for your cousin.”
“I work for Samara Amaya. I don’t forget it. You shouldn’t either.”
“Well, she’s not here yet.”
He kissed her again.
She will be. Too soon.
Jane rolled away from him and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, putting her back to him.
“Will you hand me my phone?” she asked, and a moment later he nudged her back with it.
More boobie shots, several texts from United Airlines reconfirming everyone’s travel plans for today, a text from Ray, several from Sebastian and—of course—a few from Sara too, the most recent of which read: On plane. Sebastian sux. Want the cowboy in my bed 2nite. –S
Jane’s shoulders rolled forward, and she bowed her head, her stomach turning.
“Everything okay?” he asked from behind her.
“Business as usual,” she muttered without looking at him.
“Mind if I use your bathroom?”
“Nope. Go ahead.” She still didn’t look at him.
Jane scrolled through the other messages. They could wait.
The first thing she needed to do was tell Lars that this was over. She needed to say goodbye. If, by some miracle, they got to the end of the week and he had been able to resist Sara? Jane would jump into his arms and never let him out of her sight again for as long as she lived. But, it was a less than one percent chance that he could meet Sara and choose Jane. When he did, she didn’t want any ties to him. She didn’t want to feel the pain of losing something that she thought belonged to her.
She plugged in the phone to charge it and ran her hands through her hair, picking up her Boston College sweatshirt and shrugging into it. Her skirt had twisted around in her sleep, and she righted it. She pulled her curls up into a tiny, messy ponytail, and put her Red Sox hat on over it. Then she sat down in the chair at the desk and waited for him. Her heart started thumping like crazy when she heard him turn off the faucet and her breath caught when he opened the door, taking up the entire space of the doorway with his beautiful body. He had washed his face and hands, and must have run his hands through his hair, because it glistened. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled his shirt on over his head then reached down for his shoes.
“Lars,” she started, and he looked up, tilting his head to the side, blue eyes twinkling.
I am totally crazy about you, but I can’t be with you. Whatever’s between us has to end here and now so you’re free to do whatever you want.
She stared at him, her heart racing, her brain willing her lips to say the words.
“What’s up, Min—er, Jane? I might slip, but I’ll try.” He chuckled, finishing his laces and standing up.
And just like that…she couldn’t do it.
She watched from her seat at the table as he reached down, grabbing the picnic backpack up and easily swinging it onto his shoulder. She could feel the moment slipping through her fingers and her mind raced through the past three days with him: meeting him at the airport, listening to music together, the moment he learned she was Samara Amaya’s cousin, the first time he touched her hand in his truck, showing her the bison, kissing her in the truck near Yellowstone Lake, the fireworks, dancing in her hotel room, waking up in his arms…it had all been a little piece of heaven. Her heart twisted in her chest and she ground her teeth together, her nostrils flaring to keep from crying.
“I had a great time with you, Jane.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Don’t worry, huh?”
She nodded, swallowing against the enormous lump in her throat.
“I’ll pick you up in an hour or so? We’ll head to the airport?”
She smiled at him and it took every ounce of strength she had to pull it off. “Sounds great.”
He winked at her, pulling the door shut behind him as he left her room.
Jane closed her eyes, exhaling until her lungs were empty and burning, and her shoulders fell forward under the sheer weight of her fear and sorrow. The first sob, as she drew a painful breath and exhaled again, was louder than she anticipated, so she covered her mouth with her hands to muffle the rest as her body shook with the force of her silent weeping.