“Maybe she’ll come back as she says.”
“No guarantees now.”
“Lars, wouldn’t have been any guarantees if she’d stayed either.”
“But she would’ve been here. We would’ve had a chance.”
“And now?”
“Feels like we don’t.”
His father sat back in his chair, folding his fingers under his chin. “Sounds like giving up to me. Makes me wonder how my son’s defining ‘love’.”
“What else am I supposed to do? Follow her to New York?”
“I don’t have an answer for you. But we don’t live in covered wagon days. Last I checked, airplanes fly to New York from Montana. Don’t they?”
“You’re saying visit her?”
“I’m saying airplanes fly to New York.”
“You’re saying not to give up.”
“I’m saying airplanes fly to New York. Full stop.”
“It sucks.” Lars swallowed, nodding. “She likes it here. She wanted to stay. She was the one, Pop. The only girl I ever met who I hoped would stay. Only city girl I ever met who not only considered it, but seemed to want it.”
“Sounds like a girl who’s worth waiting for.”
“She’s so goddamned complicated.”
“Lars—” he warned, his tolerance for cursing at an end.
“Yessir.” Lars nodded his head in apology.
“Love isn’t simple or cheap, son. That’s for certain.” He leaned his elbows on the desk, and Lars looks up at his father, at those ice-blue eyes that were the same as his. “But, once you find what you want, there’s nothing really left to say. Your mamma? Half the time that woman drove me crazy. Still would’ve died for her. You know, her kin didn’t want me for her. They were book-reading people, like your mamma. I was from the earth, like you…”
Lars watched his father’s eyes look away, far away, distracted, remembering.
“It was complicated, Pop?”
“She was worth it,” he whispered with feeling.
His father took a deep breath, and gave his son a sad smile. “I hope I was. Spent our whole life together keen to be worthy of that woman.”
Lars stared at his father, not knowing what to say too moved to say anything.
“I’ll do the drop-off,” Mr. Lindstrom said, tilting his head to the side. “Headed to the park?”
“Thought I would.”
His father nodded and Lars stood up to go. His father’s voice stopped him, but he didn’t turn around.
“Lars? Sometimes you have to lean into ‘complicated’. Show it you’re not going anywhere. No matter what.”
“Yes, sir,” Lars whispered, letting the door close behind him.
***
“Paul will be sorry he missed you, lass.”
Jane took another sip of her coffee, remembering the first time she’d come in, looking for a cup of warmed milk. It seemed like so long ago.
“I’ll be back, Maggie.”
“So you say.”
Maggie gave Jane a brief smile then busied herself rinsing mugs in the sink under the counter.
“Hey, you believe me, don’t you?”
“Do you really want to hear what I think?” Maggie looked up, wiping her hands on her apron, and Jane nodded, although she wasn’t sure. Maggie looked downright angry. “Jane, I dinna mean to speak harshly, but I feel strongly that…you should get yer head outta yer arse.”
Jane’s eyes flew open and she leaned back in her seat, shocked by Maggie’s tone and demeanor. Her accent sure got thick when she was mad.
“M-Maggie!”
“There’s a man. A good man who wants to take a chance on you. And you want to take a chance on him. And neither of yous got a thing standin’ in your way. Doesn’t work out? Nothin’ ventured, nothin’ gained. If it does? You’ve found the love of your life, ye wee lucky thing. But then you tell me that you’re not stayin’, after all. You’re leavin’ him. You’re goin’ back to New York, with your skag cousin, to a job you hate, like a scared school lass, because your uncle yelled at you. Do I have all that right, now, Jane?”
Jane nodded, stunned.
“Then I hope Lars can find a grown woman once ye go.”
Jane’s face fell and she nodded, feeling miserable.
“Och, Jane.” Maggie said gently, walking around the bar to sit down on the stool beside Jane and put her arm around Jane’s shoulders. “You haven’t a mum to tell you this, so maybe I’m bein’ too harsh with you. But, lass. Comes a time when you leave childish things behind. And when the man you want, wants you back, you don’t leave him behind. Not for anythin’.”
“But, my uncle…”
“Blast yer selfish family. So, he’ll be a wee bit mad at ye, Jane. Maybe for a day, maybe for a week, maybe for ten years. Who can tell? But Lars’ll have his arms around ye for comfort. We dinna live our lives for our parents. At some point, we bid them farewell. And if they try to hold on, it’s on us to pull away.”
“You’re brave,” said Jane. “You come from a long line of adventurers.”
“You could be brave too, Jane. Take a risk. Take a chance.”
Jane swallowed, wishing again that she’d had an older sister like Maggie.
“I don’t want to leave him, Maggie.”
“Then dinna leave him, Jane. Stop makin’ yer life so bloody complicated.” She put her palm to Jane’s cheek and Jane could smell the ground coffee beans, comforting and warm. “Stop gettin’ in your own way, lass.”
***
When Jane arrived back at the cottage, Mr. Lindstrom was there, packing up the back of the van and securing several pieces of luggage to the top. Sebastian sat inside the van, and Jane assumed that Sara and Franco were still inside.
“Almost ready, Jane. Your cousin all set?”
“I’ll get her, Mr. Lindstrom.”
Sara and Franco stood in the middle of the living room, kissing like they were the only two people in the world. In spite of herself and without a shred of jealousy for her cousin’s new affair, Jane couldn’t help the overwhelming surge of loneliness that crashed over her.
You’re making a mistake and it’s almost too late.
She cleared her throat.
“Ah-hem. We’re ready whenever you are.”
They didn’t stop kissing immediately. They took their time finishing, and finally Franco released Sara, stepping back from her. “Dolce, S. You please me.”
Jane looked down at the floor, uncomfortable to be a third wheel to such intimacy, but she didn’t want to keep Mr. Lindstrom waiting. And she needed to get the hell out of Gardiner before she changed her mind.
Jane sat beside Mr. Lindstrom in the front seat, while Franco and Sara shared the first seat with Sebastian, who was asleep within minutes of leaving Gardiner. Franco had advised Sara to let him “have-a the silence” for the duration of the ride and she complied by nestling into his side, pulled next to his body by one massive, tan arm and promptly fell asleep beside him. When Jane looked back, Franco winked at her.
“It’s-a good, Jane, S and me,” he whispered, glancing at Sara then back at Jane. “And-a you give me the idea.”