Which brings me back to today. I'm standing at the counter in the lobby of the tiny campus security office. Once again, not getting any stinking answers.
"I'm sorry, Miss. I've told you already, we can't give out any information on students, especially ongoing investigations." The officer sighs. I've been in here two other times, and I'm getting nowhere with this guy.
"So you admit he's involved in an investigation?" I'm smart enough to know I'm not going to get any more out of him. Though this is the first time I've dealt with him, none of them have given me what I want.
He blinks slowly at me, refusing to verbally acknowledge my question.
I hang my head in defeat.
"I'm really am sorry I can't help you." His voice is genuine. "If no one down at the station can tell you anything, then we definitely can't."
"Can you at least give me the name of someone that can help me? Maybe a detective on the case?" If my hands weren't resting on the counter, I would have them crossed, hoping to hear something I can use.
He shakes his head in disappointment. I don't know if it's because he can't answer my questions or if I can't take a hint. "I think you should probably be on your way." He's not wrong, but I'm offended he's not more help.
My shoulders sag, and I turn to leave. I reach my hands up to push open the door when he calls out to me. "You should check with his family. His parents, I'm sure, have information they can give you."
I can tell he thinks he's offering up good advice, but it's worthless. I nod and push out of the building.
I had Wells try to get a hold of Ryker's uncle, and all he supplied was, ‘Ryker is fine. He's taking responsibility for his actions.’ That's about it. At least I have confirmation my boyfriend is alive. Though, whatever is going on, I highly doubt he hasn't had a chance to contact me at least once.
The anger at him not contacting me bubbles up, but then guilt and worry take over. What if he's in jail? Oh, my God. Whatever he did, he doesn't deserve to be in jail. I know hacking is bad, but Ryker is a good person. Then a thought crosses my mind: what if he got caught for what he did to find Frank and Anna?
Panic starts to rise from my belly up through my chest. What if this is my fault? Tears prickle at my eyes as I walk back through campus. I pull out my phone and call Wells.
"Hey." His voice is gruffer than normal.
"What if this is my fault?" I blurt into the phone.
"What?"
"Why Ryker was arrested. Could it be my fault?" I bite back my tears.
"First of all, we don't know for sure if that's the case. The fact that it isn't public record makes me believe he wasn't arrested. And secondly, how in the hell did you come to that conclusion?"
"I asked him to find my birth parents, what if he got caught? Whatever he did to find them was risky. He could get in a lot of trouble if he were caught," I whisper this into the phone, worried about anyone around me overhearing.
Wells blows out a deep breath. "Look, Zella, I really don't think you have anything to do with the trouble he's gotten into. I think he will show back up eventually, and when he does, we will get answers. And if we don't, I'll kick his ass for you." I can tell by his tone that he's dead serious; the sentiment isn't lost on me. It helps.
I let out a small laugh. "Okay, okay. I'm just... not handling this well. I miss him, and I'm so worried."
"I know, sweetie, I know. I'm trying to get as much info as I can when I'm at work, but they know I'm his roommate, so they are careful about what they say." It helps to know Wells has his ear to the ground.
"All right." I sigh into the phone.
"Aren't you going with Louisa to pick up your dress for the ball?" He, just like Cam, has been trying to get my mind off missing Ryker. When Louisa asked to have lunch, pedicures, and dress pick up, I knew it was on Wells's request. I really like Louisa, but I don't know her well, and it felt like something a very close girlfriend would do with you, not the new girlfriend of one of your guy pals. But she seems nice enough, and it will be a distraction.
"Yes, I'm walking back to the apartments to meet her now," I tell him, then we say our goodbyes. I welcome the distractions, but I doubt picking up a dress, that I'm supposed to wear to a ball with a boyfriend who probably won't show up, is going to be much of one.
Sure enough, nearly two hours later, it's not. I've enjoyed some girl time. Getting our nails done relaxed me a little. Lunch was spent with light chit-chat, but picking up my dress was another story.
I found my dress two months ago before I even had a date. I saw it and knew it was the perfect gown. It's a light purple, A-line gown with a mix of lace and tulle. The bodice is fitted and covered in flowers with tiny dazzling sparkles within each piece. Thin capped sleeves and a rounded sheer fabric keeps the V-cut of the bodice innocent, though I still feel sexy. The long, full, but relaxed, delicate tulle skirt has an easy flair. Satin ribbons lace up the back of the dress, and I can't decide if that's my favorite part of the dress or if it’s the way the dress lightly swooshes as I move.
I didn't have Ryker in mind when I picked it out; it's one hundred percent for me. When I had my fitting last month, even though he hadn't said yes, I imagined what he would say when he saw me in it. Suddenly, the gown felt like so much more. I sniffle a little as I try on the dress one final time before leaving with it.
When I get home, I carefully hang the dress bag in my closet. Standing there, staring at it, I decide I've been waiting for a dance like this Glass Ball my whole life. I don't want to waste the experience being depressed. I'm going to go, and I'm going to have fun.
Wells and Louisa will be there, as well as Cam, so I know it will be a good night. I hope and pray Ryker will show up, but I won't check my heart at the door.
I'm going to live in the moment and check one more item off my bucket list.
18
Ryker
Multiple times in the past two weeks, I've had to take a moment and wonder, how the hell did I get to this point in my life? I've tried to pinpoint the exact moment in my life where I was set down this path that I'm on. I've identified several possible events that could have put me here, but no matter which way I turn the puzzle around in my head, I think I would have ended up here all along.
Maybe, I was set on this path when I was too young to make my own decisions. It's an easy enough excuse. I could ultimately blame being dropped in the system and being stuck there for too long.
I won't sit here and place blame. The long and the short of it is, I got cocky somewhere along the way when it came to hacking my way through petty Internet crimes. Over the past several days, not knowing if I’d only see the inside of a jail cell for the next few years has really got me rethinking my life. I didn’t want to have to beg my uncle for help, as he’s already grudgingly given me more than he thinks I deserve. Did I really want to continue down this path? Have I always made the right choices along the way? I can’t say I’d change the choices I made up until this point, because if I did, I wouldn’t have found Zella.