“Thanks for opening the door,” I said. “Can I have a few minutes?”
“How many minutes?”
“A few.”
“How many is a few?”
“I don’t know, Orion. As many as it takes. I want to apologize properly. We need to talk about what happened. Please.”
“You got money on you?”
“What?”
“Do you have money in your wallet?”
“Not much. Why?”
“Because my time ain’t free to you no more.”
“Orion. Come on.”
“What? This is what you think, right? That I’m after your money?”
“No.”
“Right. Now. Only because Gerry told you about my loan.”
“Orion…I don’t think I ever really thought that, not deep inside. I was freaking out that night.”
“Fuck off, you thought it. It’s called a long con, Kurt, remember? That’s what you said. So pay me. But I don’t come cheap. Especially if you want a happy ending.”
“I don’t,” I said through clenched teeth. “I want to talk. That’s all.”
“Come back when you have five hundred bucks.” He slammed the door in my face.
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my jacket, slipped my shoes on, and left out the back door. So, it appeared Orion intended to punish me. I was hurt, but even in my pain, I reeled with emotion and affection over just seeing him for that brief moment. My gut clenched with pure need and my heart ached.
If he wanted to hurl arrows at me, so be it. I would suit up and prepare for battle. I was not going down without a fight. Two could play at this game. So when I reached my truck I walked right by it, heading down the sidewalk to the nearest bank.
It appeared I was going to be needing some cash.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Orion looked completely and utterly shocked when he answered his back door to see me standing there in the rain, waving a wad of cash. “Five hundred bucks. You wanna count it?”
He was shirtless, so I had to exercise considerable restraint to keep my gaze on his face. And the look on his face—along with the blue lounge pants, clown-head slippers, and a sparkly purple scrunchie tying his hair up—told me he’d not been expecting company. And he definitely had not been expecting me to return tonight. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He pulled the purple scrunchie out of his hair and slipped it in his pocket, which almost made me laugh, but I held it in.
“Five hundred bucks for your time. I’ve got the cash. I’d like some of your time, please.”
Still not letting me in out of the rain, he leaned against the doorframe. “You think you’re cute, huh?”
“I was thinking desperate, but I’ll take cute.”
I could see the cogs working in Orion’s brain as his eyes shifted rapidly, the conflict and indecision. I also saw a flash of emotion as he looked me over, a naked longing in his eyes that gave me hope but made me feel like the biggest asshole in the world. I could see it so clearly now, the way he looked at me. I could see how real it was, and how hard he was working to mask his pain from me.
Finally, he snatched the money from my hand. Stepping back, he waved me inside. “Take your shoes off. Then come to my room.”
“Thanks,” I said as he started out of the kitchen. “Orion, I’ve missed you.”
He turned around, pointing at me. “You don’t get to talk until we get in my room. Our time starts then.”
Orion’s bedroom was weirdly neat and orderly, spotless, the way my dad’s house was after he’d been there cleaning. A single bed edged the wall. A small desk held a neat pile of paperwork, a computer tablet propped up beside it. On the wall beside the desk hung an elaborate tree of hooks displaying all manner of jewelry, beads, pendants and silver bracelets galore.
Opposite the bed was a tall standing wardrobe with double doors. On the far wall, boots and shoes were lined up on the floor under a framed print of the same photo he had on his website, Orion in skeleton paint, arched back on the beach, a circle of fire surrounding him.
I stood looking at the print, and a towel flopped somewhat aggressively down on my head. “Dry yourself off,” he said. “You’re dripping all over my floor.”
I toweled my hair and removed my jacket, draping them both over the back of his desk chair. He’d thrown my cash down on top of the paperwork. The room was very small and I wasn’t sure where to sit. So I stood there, waiting for him to give me his attention. He opened his wardrobe and pulled a white tee shirt on. I was disappointed. Not because I was perving on his shirtless body, but because him putting the tee shirt on was like a message. You don’t get to see me half naked anymore.
“You can sit on the bed,” he said. “Sorry, don’t have much room in here. But then I wasn’t expecting company.”
I sat. “Orion, I’m sorry. For all those things I said on the beach. It was shitty and awful and wrong. I was in shock after hearing what Paul told me.”
“In shock? You mean disgust, don’t you?”
“No! It wasn’t that. I felt lied to and tricked and…I let my ugliest insecurities run away with me. My brain took it to a whole other level. I’m so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I know I hurt you, and I hate myself for it and need to make it right.”
He remained standing, leaning against the wardrobe, arms crossed over his chest. “That it?”
I shrugged. “Yes.”
“Okay.”
“That all you have to say?”
He stared at me through narrowed eyes. Finally, like he was having trouble holding onto the anger, he sighed and dropped his arms. “You want me to apologize for keeping that from you. I’m sorry. Yes, it was a huge thing. But I had my reasons. And I…I stopped that kind of work after the first time we slept together anyway. So I didn’t see the point in telling you.”
I started to rise, to move toward him, but he held his hands up.
“Don’t. I don’t want you to touch me right now.”
I sat back down. “I understand why you didn’t tell me, and you had no obligation to. But I found out anyway, and I reacted the way I did. I can’t change that now, but I do regret it and I am sorry.”
He looked down his nose at me, then shrugged. “I understand why it shocked you I guess.”
“Thank you.”
“But I don’t understand how you went from shock that I was doing sex work to thinking I never really wanted you and was after your money. You went from zero to Orion’s the devil in two seconds! That means you must have thought bad of me all along!”
“I don’t think you’re the devil. I know I reacted poorly. I just wish you’d felt you could tell me about it before I found out from someone else. I don’t think I’d have gone off the deep end like that.”
“No!” Orion pointed at me. “Me not telling you that is no excuse for your reaction. You should have given me the benefit of the doubt. Because all the times I was with you before that night?” He slapped a hand to his chest. “I gave all of me to you, and you should have felt that. You should have felt it, because I felt it so hard. I gave you all the parts that matter. The inside parts. I never gave no one the inside parts of me before.”